Ditched for the Last Time (NC-17)

She realized too late the car she heard driving off was theirs

She realized too late the car she heard driving off was theirs. She ran to the door of her room, but he was gone. He was gone, again! Scully threw the cup she was holding against the wall in frustration. Not satisfying, it was plastic and she really wanted, no needed, to break something.

Damn him, there was no need to go looking for trouble tonight. It was dangerous, doubly so without any backup. Of course he ditched her. Why the hell did he keep her as a partner if he didn't trust her to watch his back? She'd proven over and over again that even if she didn't agree she'd always give him a hearing. For five years she'd followed him through even the most bizarre occurrences. And he still dumped her as soon as she turned her back.

If he was trying to protect her it was even worse. If he truly believed she couldn't look after herself, she was less than useless to him. Fine, she'd put up with it for the last time. If he didn't want her input on this investigation, he didn't have to have it. Let's see how much he enjoyed being ditched.

She began throwing her things in her suitcase. She was going to be gone before he got back. She called the airport, there was a wait for a flight to DC but she could wait at the airport. Not here, not where he could find her.

She started for the office to check out and realized that in her anger she'd forgotten he had the car. Damn it! She hadn't seen a taxi in the whole town. Maybe the manager knew where she could get a ride.

As it turned out there was a cab company, such as it was, in town. It would be a while before he could get here, but she had time. Might as well wait here as at the airport, but here in the office, not the room.

She sat in the lobby waiting for her ride. She saw their car return and pulled back from the window so he wouldn't spot her. He was slow getting out of the car. Was he limping? Of course, and hunched over a little as well. She watched him knock on her door several times and finally let himself into his own room. He'd try the connecting door, she had purposely left it unlocked.

She watched him burst out of her room, scanning the parking lot, searching for her. He stopped and seemed to crumple before her, wincing and holding his side he turned to go back into her room.

Blood, that was blood on his shirt. He was hurt. She closed her eyes, there was no way she could leave now. She turned to the manager, "I've changed my mind, please cancel the cab." She took her suitcase in hand and headed back toward her room.

Her anger was rekindled by the time she got there and she slammed the door against the wall as she shoved it open. Mulder went for his gun, or tried to. When he saw who it was he lowered himself back onto her bed.

Neither spoke for a moment. Then she approached the bed and pulled at his shirt. "Let me see."

"I'm okay, Scully."

"Shut up, Mulder." He wanted to draw back from the look in her eyes but she had hold of the shirt now. She pulled it up to expose his wound.

"This is a cut!"

"He had a knife." Mulder stated simply.

"Damn you, Fox Mulder! A couple of inches to the right and I'd be identifying your body again, for real this time!" Her hands were shaking. He didn't know if it was from anger or fear.

She turned her back on him and went to wash her hands and get her supplies. She didn't dare dwell on what she'd seen, just be professional and get him fixed up. That's all she was good for to him anyway.

"Take off the shirt and lay back, Mulder. I'll be right there." He obeyed her silently. She wasn't exactly gentle with him and he tried to pull away at one point, but one look in her eyes stopped him and he took her ministrations as she offered them.

When she was finished he started to rise. "No! Just lie still. I'll get you some pain medication."

"I don't need it Scully."

"Shut up and take it, Mulder. When you're this quiet I know you're in pain." He just turned his face away. When she returned with the medicine he quietly swallowed it, then grabbed her hand as she started to turn away.

"Why did you leave?"

"Isn't that what you wanted? If you'd wanted me at your side, I would have been there. But I'm obviously not the partner you want or need. If you thought I was a valuable member of the team, you would have invited me along. Well, that's fine Mulder. You go find someone you can really trust, someone you think can watch your back. Maybe someone you don't have to protect - a big old muscular EMT so he can patch you up instead of me."

"Are you through?"

"I've had it Mulder! You've done this to me for years! You keep going off alone, getting yourself nearly killed, then you limp home to me and expect me to make it right. Well I can make it right, for me! I don't want to identify your body, I don't want. . ."

"Scully, that's not why I leave you." He spoke quietly, but wouldn't release her hand.

"No? Well then you explain why to me. Make it simple, so even I'll be able to understand."

He swallowed and looked away, trying to find the words. She wasn't sure he was going to answer when he finally turned back. "I leave you here so I'll have a reason to come back."

He released her hand and stood. He moved slowly and painfully toward the connecting door to his room, not bothering to look back at her.

"A reason. . . " He didn't stop, so she stepped in front of him. "What are you talking about?"

"You're the reason I fight to get back. There's certainly nothing else here for me."

She stopped confused. "Your work, your search, I'm not the. . ."

He was looking deep into her eyes. Her own eyes widened as she returned the gaze. "No, Mulder. I can't be. . . I can't. . ."

He put his hands on her arms, "It's okay Scully. If you don't want the job, it's okay." He released her again and stepped around her to his own room, shutting the door behind him.

She stood in her room, unable to focus on anything in it. Not consciously hearing the door shut behind him. No, that wasn't it, she wasn't it, she couldn't be his reason. That was Samantha, it had always been about Samantha. She'd known that, accepted it. It was the reason she'd never tried to get closer. When had she become a substitute for his sister? Is that what he thought? She didn't know how long she stood there, unmoving, unable to follow a single thought to its conclusion.

She didn't move until the headlights of a car driving past her room flashed in her eyes. It had gotten dark. When? Where was he?

She got her body to respond to her command to move and opened the door to his room. No lights were on, but she spotted him sitting on the bed, his back against the headboard. He didn't even have the TV on.

"Mulder?" He didn't respond. "I have to know something. . . "

"It's okay Scully. You can go. I'll come back, even if you're not here to see it. I haven't been suicidal in years."

The words caused a shudder to go through her. "When were you suicidal?" She advanced toward the bed, not touching it.

"I was kidding, Scully."

"Were you? Do you think I'm Samantha, Mulder? Do you think if I'm not here. . . ?"

"No! I don't think of you as my sister. Damn it, Scully!" He swung his feet over the side of the bed, gasping at the pain it generated.

"Be careful."

"You're not my mother either, Scully. You don't need to worry. . . "

"Then what am I Mulder? If I'm not your sister, or your mother, or even your partner, what am I?"

"You're me, Scully. You're the sane part of me, the part of me people can stand to be around, the part that doesn't scare them or piss them off. Damn it, Scully, get out!" He backhanded the lamp by the bed and it crashed against the wall, shattering into a thousand pieces.

She started at the crash but refused to leave.

"Mulder, I don't know if I can be that for you. I. . . "

"You don't have to be Scully. I release you. Go on back to Washington, you're packed, there's nothing to keep you here. Go on."


"What?" What was she trying to say, he'd heard enough and it was all getting hazy anyway.

"You keep me here."

"No. You're right, someone else can ID my body when the time comes. It shouldn't be you anyway. Let Skinner do it, he's been wanting to for years I'm sure."

They stood there frozen, neither able to make a move, toward or away from the other. He started to yell at her to leave again when a light outside caught the tear escaping down her face. His body jerked with the effort not to go to her, not to hold her.

She finally moved, sinking down onto his bed and put her face in her hands. Mulder took a step away from the bed, away from her; she was fighting dirty now. He backed into a chair beside the bed and a groan escaped him. She was on her feet again, at his side, holding him and leading him back to the bed.

"Leave it alone, Scully. Go on." She wiped her face quickly and shook her head. He hadn't even bothered to put on a t-shirt when he left her room, just sinking onto the bed and now she could see he was bleeding again. When she reached for his bandage, he took her hand, turned her toward the connecting door and gently pushed her through it.

"Mulder. . . " Without answering he closed the door and locked it. Then returned to the bed and lay down. He couldn't hear anything from her side of the door. Had she finally taken the hint and left? She must have, nothing else could cause this emptiness inside of him. He lay staring at the ceiling, unaware of time, unable to feel anything from the pit he had thrown himself into.

On some level he was aware of the door from outside opening. Maybe it was the guy with the knife, coming to finish the job. Good, he'd help him, what was it fourth rib down? Give him a good clean shot.

"Mulder." Scully? But she had left, hadn't she? In any case, she shouldn't be here. If he ignored her maybe she'd go away. No such luck.

"I can't go, Mulder. I didn't understand. I'm not sure I do yet, but I can't go until I do. Are you continually leaping off the deep end, with me as the safety line? Is that it? Is that why you can go all out, risking everything time and again, because you know I'll pull you back?" Her shoulders slumped, "Okay, Mulder. If that's what you need from me, okay, it's yours."

Why hadn't she left? He couldn't process any more, the damn medicine was making him lightheaded, or was it the loss of blood? It didn't matter. Did she really think all he wanted was a safety line? He could never make her understand, not without revealing. . . No, he'd never make her see. What was she doing?

She was on the bed, on her knees, crawling toward him. "I'll be your safety line, Mulder, but I need something in return."

He finally turned his head to look at her. What could he possibly give her?

"If I'm going to be the Scully side of you, then you have to be the Mulder side of me. I need to take a chance sometimes, color outside the lines. Do something impulsive, dangerous, unthinkable." Part of her was still furious, there was no way she would think these things if she were under control. But she was always under control damn it! And he always ditched her; maybe there was a correlation.

His eyes narrowed as she drew closer to him. Scully, impulsive, unthinkable what kind of action was she. . . ? Oh god. Her lips brushed his. The whole world swam as she leaned in even closer and did it again.

He didnít dare respond. If he did, he'd never. . . why was his body betraying him now? When had his brain given the order for his arms to go around her? What was he doing? His lips were in her hair, his hands molding her back, pulling her closer. This was insane. She'd realize, she wasn't stupid, she'd know how he felt. She'd know. . . her lips were trailing down his chest. He couldn't stop shivering, she was burning him, her lips were blistering his skin everywhere they touched. What had she done to him?

"Scully." At least that's what he tried to say, it was more groan than word at that point.

"No Mulder, you owe me. You owe me for reeling you in time after time. I don't care if I'm not what you want, this is payback for me. Just try and ditch me now, Mulder. Try and walk away from me now." She knew it was insane, she would deny that this ever happened tomorrow, let him think it was a drug-induced dream, but right now he was hers and he wasn't going to slip away from her again.

She unbuttoned his jeans and began slipping them down his legs. He was helping her, she couldn't have done it alone. She couldn't interpret the look in his eyes, and wasn't sure she wanted to. Those stupid Star Wars boxers, no, nothing was going to distract her now. She didn't allow the smile to touch her lips, why had she ever given him those things, it was a joke. He actually wore them? But the distraction didn't last past them joining his jeans on the floor.

He might not want her, might think of her as a sister, but this part of him wanted her and that's all she was interested in right now. Fuck him. She did smile at that thought, exactly what she was doing.

She buried her face in his balls, breathing deeply of his scent, then taking the soft skin between her teeth and nipping him. He didn't dare move, she could kill him, hell maybe she would, she was close already.

Her tongue circled the swollen purple head of his cock and then her teeth were back in play, nipping down the underside of him. He was actually afraid to move, but he wasn't sure if he was more afraid of her continuing or the idea she might stop. She took him in her mouth and began sucking, pulling him deeper. Even he couldn't interpret the sounds he was making. Her eyes smiled, her mouth was too busy. Her hands began fondling his balls and his brain just decided to quit functioning on any level except this one, there wasn't enough blood left in it for coherent thought anyway.

What was she. . . oh god, not yet, this had to last longer, this. . . but he was thrusting into her mouth. He was totally in her control, whatever she wanted, whatever. . . oh sweet lord! He had to be dying, she was taking him, swallowing him. Yes, he was dead, he couldn't move any part of his body. She was kneeling over him, what was she saying?

". . . ditch me again. Never, do you understand?"

Did he nod? Did he even understand? Only her eyes smiled, this wasn't her, she didn't do things like this. Only the Mulder side of her was this impulsive, doing things she'd only dreamed of, controlling him, ordering him around, causing his body to give to her what she'd only dreamed about. Causing his body to want her like she'd wanted him.

He was slipping under, between the loss of blood and the medication, she had completely overwhelmed him. Damn she'd never done anything like this before, it was wonderful! She slipped from the bed and retreated to her own room. She was still completely clothed, she needed to take care of herself before she exploded, she'd done that often enough over the last five years.

Tomorrow they'd continue their investigation, he'd wonder about tonight, but would he have the nerve to ask her about it? Would he dare bring it up? Would he ever try ditching her again? Well, if he did she was ready. No more passive waiting, no more nice patient platonic partner. She'd be his Scully side and she'd draw on his Mulder side, the safety line was striking back. Now let's see what developed. . .

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