She hadn’t felt well since last night. Now she was cramping, so she assumed her period was coming, finally. She wasn’t all that regular anymore anyway, but this was steadily getting worse. She’d really begun to feel bad on the flight, but she hadn’t said anything. She’d always resented that her body reacted this way anyway and she wasn’t about to give in to it, or let Mulder down because of it.
By the time they were settled into the hotel and Mulder wanted to eat dinner she was barely functional. He noticed her lack of appetite and commented on it, but she brushed it off, saying she needed to lose a little weight anyway. She waited until he left the table to search her purse for more pain medication. What she missed was him waiting for her to finish before returning to the table. She was aware she hadn’t completely convinced him when he took her arm to help her from the table and opened her room door for her. He’d said nothing, but she knew he was concerned. Hell, he was probably more aware of her cycle than she was knowing Mulder.
She had planned to change into pajamas, but after removing her panty hose she felt too bad and was too exhausted so she just crawled onto the bed, curling into a fetal position against the pain.
Mulder had cracked the connecting door open, she wasn’t feeling well, but didn’t want to talk about it. He had seen her wincing during the dinner she hadn’t eaten. This way if she needed him he’d hear her. He had the TV as low as possible and had an ear open to her. Maybe she was asleep, he’d check in a minute.
The pain woke her, something was horribly wrong. She’d never felt pain like this. She managed to take a breath and called out for Mulder. Could he have heard her? She had to get some help. She was dimly aware that the connecting door was opening and then Mulder was bending over her.
"Hospital, Mulder. . . help me." She gasped out. He already had her in his arms, his mind plotting the best way to the hospital. It wasn’t until he placed her gently in the backseat of the rent car that he realized he was covered in blood. She was hemorrhaging! What the hell had happened? No time for that now, he spun his tires out of the parking lot and raced toward the hospital they had passed on their way into town.
Hang on, Scully. You won’t bleed to death. I won’t let you. I can see the hospital, hold on. Some of this he said out loud, the rest only to himself. He could hear her moaning in the back, what the hell had happened to her? He had known she wasn’t feeling well, but he hadn’t seen this coming.
He pulled into the emergency entrance of the hospital and had her in his arms again. "Help me! Please!"
They were efficient. They had her out of his arms and on a gurney in seconds. Racing away with her while they held him back. He hadn’t bothered with her purse or ID, so they used his with him supplying her information to the best of his shocked sensibilities.
They were through with him, but wouldn’t let him go to her. There was still a lot of activity going on around her room, why wouldn’t someone tell him something? He couldn’t sit, his pacing was probably bothering others but he was ready to jump out of his skin. What the hell had happened to her?
"Mr. Scully?" A nurse tapped him on the shoulder.
"What? Yeah, yeah." Fuck explanations, just talk to me. She led him toward a small consultation office in the back. They still weren’t going to let him see her. Why? She wasn’t. . . no. The nurse felt his shudder and turned to him.
"The doctor will be right in to talk to you. We’ll be moving Mrs. Scully up to her room." There, it wasn’t her place to talk to him but at least he’d know she was still alive. She watched him close his eyes in relief as he sank into the hard plastic chair provided for consults.
The doctor passed her on her way out, and she glanced at him. Now her husband would get the bad news, but at least he knew she wasn’t dead. "Mr. Scully? Is that right?"
Mulder was on his feet, searching this man’s eyes. "It’s Mulder. She’s Scully. How is she? What happened?"
"I’m Dr. Pearson. We have her stabilized, Mr. Mulder. Won’t you sit, please." Mulder did, but he looked ready to leap up at the slightest sound. The doctor patted his knee, reassuring him? About what?
He cleared his throat; "We weren’t able to save the baby, Mr. Mulder. It was just too early. In fact I’m at a loss to tell you why a miscarriage at this early stage would cause the trauma it did." He was watching Mulder’s reaction; this wasn’t what he’d expected.
"Were you aware of the pregnancy? Mr. Mulder?" Maybe he’d made a mistake here, a wrong assumption. But this man was so obviously with her, if not married then something. But it was like a door had slammed in his face with this news. Maybe he couldn’t handle it. "Mr. Mulder?"
"You say she will be okay?" He could feel himself mouthing the words, would the answer reach him through this haze?
The doctor was studying him closely. Mulder couldn’t give anything away. This was no one’s business. Not even his, obviously.
"Yes. We want to keep her here at least 24 hours to monitor her. Make sure the bleeding doesn’t reoccur. Mr. Mulder, are you all right?" The man was retreating into himself right in front of him. What was the story here? Did he know about the pregnancy and it was hitting him this hard, or hadn’t he known and was in shock? In either case this man was a basket case and trying desperately not to show it.
"Maybe you’d like to see her yourself. They’ve moved her into her room by now. Let me get the room number for you. . . is there anyone you should call?"
Call? Yeah she’d probably want him to call the father and let him know what had happened. Sure, Scully, whatever you need. Good old Mulder would be happy to do that for you. Anything else? He could feel his shock freezing him, cutting off his emotions. Probably a good thing, it would keep them from locking him in a padded room.
He looked back at the doctor who felt a shiver of fear run down his back. This was a dangerous man in front of him. A dangerous man in severe pain, a bad combination. "I’ll, uh, I’ll get that room number." The doctor managed to hold his panic inside. Maybe it was a good thing they were in a hospital, when this man blew help would be nearby.
He found himself standing beside her bed. She was sleeping and so deathly pale. He’d seen her this way before and it always tore his heart in two. It would have this time if there had been enough heart left to tear. Why Scully? Couldn’t you have given me a little warning? How long did you think you could keep it from me, a pregnancy, especially on a little thing like you?
Who’s the father Scully? Who are you fucking on the side? Didn’t know I’d left you enough time for that. Well, I’ll be more careful in the future, I won’t be bothering you in your off hours anymore. Maybe you and he can create another life together – he had to clutch the bed to remain on his feet, even the thought had nearly toppled him.
No, he couldn’t handle it this way. She’d found someone, someone else, that she wanted that kind of relationship with. Fine, nothing had to change. They weren’t and never had been lovers. She didn’t even know how he felt about her, thank goodness. At least he’d never made that kind of fool of himself in front of her.
He suspected she’d always wanted children. But she’d seemed to cope with the knowledge that she never would have them. Had she gone to a fertility doctor with this guy? Had they just gotten lucky? Maybe this guy had been able to compensate for her. . . shut the fuck up, Mulder. It’s none of your business and that’s the way she wants it. Fine, great.
Normally he’d be sitting beside her, holding her hand, willing his strength into her. Now he didn’t even want to touch her. No, be honest, he was dying to touch her, she didn’t want him. There was someone else. He sank into the chair farthest from the bed. No matter what she wanted he couldn’t leave, not until he knew she was okay.
How long had she known this guy? Had they been trying for a baby? Had he held her, his hands on her? God! Stop this! He had to get a grip. He couldn’t use shock as an excuse. And he’d been careful never to let her know how he felt, never to. . . she didn’t love him. Well, she wasn’t in love with him. She’d saved that for someone else.
The place he’d fallen into felt familiar, after Samantha was gone all the light had gone out of his family. His father had never been able to show him love and after she was gone hadn’t bothered to try. But his mother had retreated into herself then, blocking out pain and everyone else along with it. He’d learned quickly not to show his own pain. That should serve him in good stead here.
It hadn’t been like this with Phoebe. When he’d learned of her betrayal, well betrayals. . . but Phoebe was no Scully. He’d never felt for her. . . Jesus, Mulder. You just never dreamed Scully would betray you like this.
Betray you? Where was this coming from? He didn’t own her. They weren’t together that way. And now they never would be. Why hadn’t she told him? Is that what hurt the most? Hardly, but it was up there near the top.
Why did he keep seeing some man over her, caressing. . . ? He would drive himself mad. Why couldn’t he concentrate on her, on what she’d lost? She’d wanted that child, some other man’s child. . . God, he was back to that. It wasn’t about him, why couldn’t he think of her, of the pain she would be in. He shuddered, not the pain she had been in.
Her mother, he should call Mrs. Scully. Did she know about the baby? Did she treat this guy like she did him? As a. . . as a son? Damn it!
Did she move? Was she waking up? No, he wasn’t able. . . he wasn’t under control. He watched her head turn on the pillow, but couldn’t force himself to approach her, he was barely able to keep from bolting. What would he do if she called out for. . . his whole body shuddered.
"Mulder. . . ?" She tried to lift her head, but her breath caught at the pain that generated. "Mulder?" She sounded afraid. Why was he hesitating? She needed him, well she needed someone, and he was the only one available here.
"Here Scully." She turned to look at him and sighed in relief. "I’ll call the doctor for you."
"Mulder, wait. What. . . Mulder?" He was out the door.
What? Her fear rose several levels. What couldn’t he tell her? The pain she’d be in, it wasn’t completely gone. Pain medication? Mulder, please, what was wrong?
She turned as the door opened, ignoring the pain, anxious to see his face. It wasn’t him. Where had he gone?
"Ms. Scully? I’m Dr. Pearson. I treated you when you were brought into emergency. Are you in any pain?"
"A little, what happened?" She kept glancing toward the door. Was he not coming back?
"You’re going to be fine. We want to keep you here for 24 hours to monitor you, but it’s just a precaution. Ms. Scully, I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but you did lose the baby."
She stared at him, not able to process the words. There had to be some sort of mistake. What baby? He had the wrong patient.
"Ms. Scully? Did you hear me?" Her lack of reaction was confusing, unless she was unaware of the pregnancy herself. If neither of them knew then this could be even more of a blow than he’d thought.
"I’m sorry. Did you say baby? You’ve made some sort of mistake here. I wasn’t pregnant. I’m unable to conceive, since before my cancer, there’s. . . " Her voice drifted off. How could a hospital make a mistake like that? He wouldn’t be telling her this if there hadn’t been fetal tissue. What was going on and where was Mulder? She was unaware that her breathing was becoming more rapid and her hands were beginning to tremble.
"The man that was in here, Mulder? Do you know where he went?"
"I’ll find him for you. I’ll get your pain medication too. You need to try to relax, we can talk later."
She nodded; finally noticing her physical symptoms and knowing her voice would break. This couldn’t be true; there was no way she had been pregnant. Even if she could, there’d been no opportunity. You had to have sex or be inseminated, something! When was the last time she’d slept with a man? Too long ago to even remember clearly.
The nurse arrived first and injected her IV with her medication. The world blurred instantly. No, she had to talk to Mulder! Where was he?
He was waiting outside of her room. "Is she okay?" He stopped the doctor as he left the room.
"She will be. We gave her some additional pain medication." He watched Mulder wince. What was going on here? He started to tell this man that she had been unaware of the pregnancy also, but stopped himself. That could be a breech of confidentiality. He couldn’t figure out the relationship here, and it wasn’t any of his business anyway. "She was asking for you."
"Oh. Yeah, well I guess I’ll go on back in."
"She’s asleep now and will be for a while. Why don’t you go clean up and then come back." Mulder looked down at himself for the first time. He was still wearing the blood stained clothes he'd worn bringing her in. He hadn’t even realized.
"I guess I will go change. I’ll be back later." The doctor noted his look of relief at this excuse for escape. She was going to need some support. The doctor hoped she had someone to call.
The shower didn’t clear his head at all. Being alone was only driving him closer to insanity. But he was alone, he always had been. Why couldn’t he get used to it? Because for a short while he hadn’t been, that’s why. He was out of practice. Hopefully it wouldn’t take too long to relearn it.
He had called the local authorities regarding their investigation. They’d seemed actually relieved that he wasn’t coming to see them. Fine, it was only an X-File, not a "real" case. This way they could stamp it with an official seal and bury it. Maybe someday he would come back and check it out. If he bothered to care.
He should get back to her. She shouldn’t be alone in a strange hospital. And he still needed to make any calls for her. Putting on his clothes seemed to take more strength than he had. He couldn’t stomach the idea of a tie - he’d choke on it. So he settled for jeans and a t-shirt. He didn’t feel very professional right now, why bother to look it. He was procrastinating; he had to get back. Stalling wouldn’t change what had happened.
The drive back to the hospital this time took ages. Not at all like the last trip in this direction. He’d thought she was dying. Well, he might have helped save her life with his speed. But he hadn’t been able to save her child. Her child. This wasn’t like Emily. She had been Scully’s child as well, but it hadn’t been like this. That had been removed, no man making love. . .
Once outside her room he managed to snag a nurse to ask about her condition. Unchanged, still asleep. Well that was good, she was getting back her strength. With no other excuses he finally pushed open the door.
"Mulder?" Shit, she was awake. What was he supposed to say?
"Yeah, Scully. How are you feeling?"
"Groggy, confused. Can you tell me what happened?"
God no, don’t ask me that. I can’t! Somehow he moved to the bed. She held her hand out, so he took it. She needed comfort and he was here. He could be here for her until the people she wanted arrived. He could do that for her.
"I don’t really know. You called out for me and I brought you here. They wouldn’t let me in while they were working on you. Did you call your mother?"
"No, no I haven’t called anyone. Did they tell you what. . . ?"
Maybe it would be easier on her if she thought he still didn’t know about the baby. Yes, that’s the way to handle this. "They want to keep you overnight. I’ve told the authorities we won’t be handling the investigation since you became ill. Don’t worry about it, if it’s important I can come back later."
"So they didn’t tell you what happened?" She was watching his eyes, trying to read him. He stood and poured her a glass of water, anything to get away from her eyes. She looked confused and hurt by his actions. Well hell, he was confused and hurt too. He wanted to strike out at someone and he couldn’t at her. She was still so pale lying there with the tubes and oxygen and all.
This wasn’t working, he was going to fly apart. "Do you want me to call anyone for you?"
"No. They said I could leave tomorrow. That will still put us home earlier than we had planned. Mulder. . . ?"
"Nothing." She hesitated, retreating into herself. Did she even want him to know this? It wasn’t true, it couldn’t have been. But could she handle him treating it like an X-File? That’s what he would do. No, she’d have to investigate this on her own. Dr. Pearson could send the. . . her mind stumbled over the words, the tissue to the Bureau. She could analyze everything there, on her own, alone. That would be for the best.
Something froze inside of him as he watched her pull back from him. This wasn’t something she wanted to share with him. This was too personal, her child by another man. None of his business.
She insisted that he go back to the hotel room for the night. She didn’t need round-the-clock care. He managed to hide his relief and acquiesced to her demand. She didn’t want him there and he didn’t want to intrude. Maybe she’d make her calls while he was away.
When he went to pick her up the next morning, she could barely stand. He and the nurse helped her into the wheelchair.
"Scully, is this a good idea? Maybe you should stay another day."
"No. I need to get back to DC. I have something there I need to do." He withdrew his hand that he had reached toward her. Of course she did. He’d make the trip as comfortable as he could.
The drive back to the hotel showed him just how weak she was. This was a terrible idea, she should not be traveling. Hell, she was his responsibility until he turned her over to this other man. She was not going home today.
"Scully, forget it." The argument was futile, she’d realized it, but still wanted to fight him. She wasn’t getting on an airplane if he had to tie her down. What if she were to get sick again, start bleeding? No, out of the question.
She knew he was right and finally agreed to rest while he went for food. She was asleep in seconds, not even hearing him leave the room. When he returned he stood and watched her sleep for a moment. She was so beautiful, so vulnerable. No wonder this guy had fallen in love with her. And it obviously hadn’t taken him five years to realize it like he had. No, that wasn’t true. He’d known for a long time but he had never acted on it.
She was not well enough to be out of the hospital. He could see it, why couldn’t she? But she wanted to be home; he couldn’t blame her for that. He took a deep breath trying to relax.
"Scully? Scully, wake up. You need to eat a little."
"What? Mulder?" She was having trouble orienting herself.
"Yeah. Can you sit up?"
"Sure." But he saw her grimace of pain when she tried and was at her side without hesitation. He made her comfortable, cursing himself for his eagerness to touch her even now. She was able to eat some of the soup he had brought her, then he settled her back in bed.
"Rest, Scully. You need to get your strength back."
She nodded, surprisingly close to tears at his touch. She needed to get in control.
There was no doubt in his mind that the connecting door would be wide open tonight. He was more than a little concerned with her weakness. She was trying to be strong, but she shouldn’t be alone.
He did retreat to his own room to let her get to sleep, but once she drifted off he was back, sitting near her, watching her sleep. He did drift off eventually, waking when her sleep became restless. She never did cry out, though she cried on a couple of occasions. At least she didn’t call out for anyone.
He didn’t feel that much better about her traveling the next day but she was much more insistent. She obviously felt the need to be home. He could look after her, he owed her a lot more than that. She protested the use of a wheelchair at the airport, but he stood firm on that and she gave in fairly easily when she recognized his concern.
He got her settled in her seat, with blankets and pillows. Cocooning her to keep her as safe as he could, until she fell asleep against his side. She slept most of the way home and he didn’t allow her to be disturbed, protecting her like he always wanted to and she wouldn’t allow.
Once he got her to her apartment he knew he had to give her space. She needed time to process this, time to tell the baby’s father what had happened. So he had to give her that. After promising to check in the next morning he left her in her apartment.
She’d never felt so alone. She’d expected him to offer to stay, but he didn’t know what she was going through. She couldn’t tell him, she couldn’t hear what she knew he would say. Damn, she wished he were here.Assumptions 2
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