Beyond Alternatives

He became aware again

He became aware again. That’s not to say he woke up, that wasn’t the sensation, but he could feel his body again, and his pain. He tried to turn his head, but he was held fast. He felt no straps, no restraints of any kind but he couldn’t move.

Okay, think, what’s going on? He was Special Agent Fox Mulder of the FBI. His last memory was of being . . . being out in the woods, looking for a . . . a UFO with AD Skinner. Why Skinner, why not Scully?

“Scully, you have to understand, they’re taking abductees. You’re an abductee. I’m not going to risk losing you.”

Yes, he’d come back to Oregon with Skinner. He couldn’t let them take Scully again. Especially now. Now? Why was now different? Something, something important.

The pain in his head stopped that line of thinking. Damn! What was going on? He tried to concentrate on his own body instead. He couldn’t move anything but his eyes and they weren’t telling him much. Gray, only gray, he couldn’t see a ceiling or walls, he couldn’t even feel whatever he was lying on. In fact he didn’t seem to be lying on anything, just suspended in space. There was light but he saw no source.

There were sounds, but they had no meaning to him. If they were a little louder he thought he could make sense of them, but the volume stayed just below that. Was he . . . had he been abducted? The surge of adrenaline was countered by a blinding pain in his head. He couldn’t stifle the cry that the pain elicited, then oblivion.


He was aware again. It was different this time. He was lying on a table and the walls and ceiling were industrial green. There was a strap holding his head in place and restraints on his hands and legs. The straps were keeping him in place, but not impeding movement like whatever had held him before. He could shift his head slightly, though he didn’t have much to look at. This time there were tubes and wires coming from his body, monitors beeping softly out of sight.

He had been abducted, he knew that now and the thought didn’t cause the pain. They had taken him, but not Scully. Scully was safe in DC. She was safe wasn’t she? A fear gripped him then, she needed protection. They couldn’t have her, not now. She was . . . oh god, she was pregnant! That’s why he had refused to let her return to Oregon with him.

He was struggling against his restraints now. How long? How long had he been out? They hadn’t found her, taken her, had they? How could he find out? He had to get free; he had to be with her.

He felt the door open more than heard it. It had to be a change in air pressure or something. The figure approaching him was wearing one of those decontamination suits. He couldn’t even tell if it was a man or a woman, hell even a human, at this point. “Please.” At least that’s what he tried to say, he could only croak. Damn, how long had he been out? He felt a needle prick his arm. “No!” It remained over him until his eyes drifted closed, watching dispassionately as tears slid down into his hairline.


He woke this time to a feeling of dread, but adjusted more quickly than before. Scully, she could be in danger. He needed to get to her. His restraints were still in place. He tried to be more subtle in checking his bonds; he didn’t want or need any more shots. He was still completely immobile. Damn them! He needed to be with her. She was carrying his child. What was his disappearance doing to her?

Memories of his own despair when she had been taken flooded him. He’d been completely devastated, unable to eat or sleep. She knew to look after herself now, didn’t she? Surely she did, she was a doctor and she wanted this baby. Did she have any idea how much he did too? Had he made that crystal clear to her?

He’d made stupid decisions while she was missing, taken foolish chances - she wouldn’t do that. Please Scully, don’t do that. I’ll find a way home to you but you have to look after yourself and our child. Don’t come looking for me; don’t take any chances with your health.

They had discussed the possibility of her being unable to carry the child because of what these bastards had already done to her. How would she handle it if something happened? Could her body withstand it? Could her mind? He had to be there for her; she needed him like she never had before. He jerked involuntarily on his restraints and tried to calm himself. It wouldn’t help, not yet.

During her absence he had made one of the most stupid decisions of his life. That disturbed woman - Kristen. He’d actually slept with her. It was the only time he’d been unfaithful to Scully. Unfaithful to Scully - he hadn’t realized that was what he was doing at the time, they’d had no arrangement. But he’d never even been tempted to stray that far again and it had been years. He’d been waiting for her, for her to want him as he had wanted her from the beginning - well, very nearly. He’d never confessed that particular episode to her, she didn’t know. She had no reason to be jealous, the woman was dead and it had been Scully’s name he had called out when he came. Kristen had been furious at that, but as messed up as she already was, it probably didn’t matter. It certainly hadn’t in the long run.

She had tried to get him to see what Diana was and he hadn’t listened. He had truly thought that he knew Diana better than she did. He had certainly known her longer. But Scully was smarter than him in a lot of ways. Maybe it was woman’s intuition; maybe it was because she loved him. She had instinctively known that Diana had betrayed him; he’d had to learn to read minds before he had seen through her.

She was smarter than him. He had to hold on to that. She knew how to look after herself. He could trust her to look after their child. He was of secondary importance and she must realize that. She and the child came first.

Or was this all a drug-induced dream? Did he have a relationship with Scully - a relationship that could result in a child? Was it a fantasy? Scully deserved so much better than him. He should stop trying to achieve such heights. He should stick with women like Phoebe and Diana. He wasn’t worth more than that.

No! No Scully did love him. They had shown their love for one another. His memories couldn’t be a fantasy. And she was pregnant. Scully was carrying his child.

It was his child. There was no other man; he knew that now. Had known it for a long time, but he’d refused to believe it. Believe that Scully felt the same for him as he did for her. But she was supposedly barren. How had they conceived? Another train of thought he couldn’t pursue. It was his child, his child with her and he needed to be with them.

How long had he been here? Hours? Days? Weeks? Please not months. She needed him and god how he needed her. He wanted to see her grow, watch how her body became round and . . .

He had to be there for the birth. He had to be with her then. He might not be much actual help, but he needed to be with her.

Scully. Please know I’m thinking about you, wanting you. Thoughts of you are the only thing keeping me sane and I’ll hold on to those thoughts with my life. I’ll be home as soon as I can. I promise you, Scully, I am coming home. Coming home to you and our child. Don’t doubt it Scully. Nothing will keep me from you. And it will be soon. Soon, Scully, trust me. He closed his eyes and tears once again trickled into his hair.


“Mulder?” Her eyes opened and she knew immediately that it was only a dream. Mulder wasn’t here. He’d been crying in her dream. Was he in pain? Were they doing tests on him? She reached up and realized her own face was wet as well.

She felt so helpless. This had to be how he had felt when Duane Barry had taken her to Skyland Mountain. They had never really talked about what he did while she was missing. He’d worked and he looked for her. According to the guys that was it. He’d lost weight; they’d given her some grief that she was not allowed to do the same.

She knew she’d be getting even more grief in the future. These “new men” in her life had very definite ideas about how she should be looking after herself.

She almost wished none of them knew about the baby. Especially Skinner, she could already feel him tightening the reins on her work schedule.

She knew she had to look after herself. She never for a moment forgot the life growing inside of her. Her hand caressed her still flat stomach. Her child, Mulder’s child - nothing was more important - except finding him.

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Mulder, Scully, the Lone Gunmen and Skinner all belong to Chris Carter, 10-13 and Fox. No infringement in tended