Best Friends 1 - Part 2

He’d been afraid she wouldn’t let him see her inside, but she made no comment, accepting his presence, just not his touch.

"Can I get you anything, Scully?"

"I’m not sick, Mulder. Why don’t you go home and get cleaned up. I’ll be fine. I want to take a long hot bath. Go on."

"Can I bring dinner over tonight?"

"Sure, that would be fine. Thanks for . . . " She stopped, unsure what to say.

He nodded. "You’ll call me if you need anything? I’ve got my cell phone."

"I won’t need anything, Mulder. See you later."

His shower didn’t help, nothing helped. He could only imagine how horrible Skinner must feel. Maybe some mundane chores would clear his mind. He gathered his laundry and while checking his pockets found the card the doctor had given him the night before. He dropped the clothes on the floor and headed for the phone.

"Crisis Hot-Line."

"I, uh, I need to talk to someone. My . . . my partner was raped and . . . "

"Is she physically okay?"

"I think so, but she won’t let me near her. I can’t comfort her."

"That’s very normal with rape victims. Any touch can be truly painful. Every part of their body is highly sensitized. When did this happen?"

"Last night." Was it only yesterday?

"Has she seen a doctor?"

"Yes, but she wouldn’t let him do a full exam."

"I know. She should make an appointment to see her own doctor in a couple of days. Someone she’s comfortable with. Did she press charges?"

"No. She refuses to bring the police into this."

"That could be a mistake. The closure of knowing the rapist is punished can go a long way in her healing."

"This was a friend. Someone we know and . . . and trust."

"Oh?"

"He wasn’t responsible. I doubt we ever find who was."

"I don’t understand."

"It’s not important. Tell me how to help her."

"Did she call you when this happened?"

"No, no I walked in. I pulled him off . . . I . . ."

"So you rescued her."

"Not in time."

"Sounds like you’re going to need someone to talk to as well."

"I’m not important. I’m worried because she’s so calm, so detached, except for the fear of touch you'd think this
had happened to someone else."

"Denial. That’s very common. At least she’s not blaming herself."

"No, not that. She knows what really happened."

"Can you get her to call in? We know what she’s going through. We’ve been thought it ourselves. You’re not . . . she’s not suicidal is she?"

"What?" He hadn’t been worried about that. Now he was. "I have to go."

"Wait! Listen, I want you to call me back. Patsy, ask for Patsy, okay?"

"Yeah, I gotta go." He hung up and headed for the door. Her gun, when had he last seen her gun? He tried to call her apartment, but got no answer, that only fueled his fear.

When he got there he knocked and again received no answer. He slipped his key into the lock and entered.

"Scully?"

"What are you doing here?" My god, she was armed. He raised his hands away from his side.

"I called and there was no answer."

"I was in the tub. Why did you let yourself in?"

"I’m sorry, Scully. I was concerned. I didn’t think. Please put the gun down." She glanced down as though she’d forgotten it. She lowered it and placed it on her coffee table.

"I didn’t mean to sca - startle you, Scully."

"Are you going to try to smother me, Mulder?" She sighed.

She watched him deflate, "Yeah, I guess I am."

He was startled at her slight smile. "At least you’re honest about it."

The smile was gone as quickly as it appeared.

"What?"

"I have a headache."

"Why don’t you lie down here on the couch and watch an old movie with me. I’ll massage your feet."

She drew back at that suggestion.

"Just your feet, Scully. I promise not to go above the ankles. Okay?"

"I’m not getting rid of you, am I?"

"Not in this lifetime." Whoops, too much. Her eyes moistened, then she took a deep breath.

"I guess we could try that. Let me get dressed." She returned back shortly in tights and an oversize sweatshirt. "Did you find a movie?"

"Planet of the Apes?"

"Why not."

She sat on the couch, forcing herself to lean back in some semblance of relaxation. He waited, he couldn’t hurry this. If she couldn’t let him touch her feet, he’d try something else tomorrow. Whatever worked for her.

He realized she had placed her feet so that her toes brushed against his jeans. He still made no move. She exhaled and slid her feet into his lap. He released the breath he was holding and lightly rubbed the top of her foot.

"Okay?"

She nodded, concentrating on the TV screen. He felt the tension leave her and realized shortly that she was asleep. Good, she needed the rest. At one point he stopped the massage, but she stirred uneasily so he resumed.

"Beneath the Planet of the Apes" had begun before she woke. She stretched, but didn’t withdraw her feet.

"I probably won’t sleep at all tonight."

"You can keep me company then."

"Where do you think you’re going to be?" She knew, but she couldn’t let him know how much she wanted him here.

"Right here, on my couch."

"Your couch?" He grinned and nodded. "It’s not necessary."

"You might have another nightmare. I’ve got lots of experience in that area."

"One condition."

"Name it." His relief was too great to refuse her anything.

"Go check on Skinner."

He couldn’t help it, he was stunned. "You want me to . . . "

"Please. I . . . I have you, but he doesn’t have anyone." She couldn’t quite meet his eyes.

"Okay. What should I bring for dinner?"

"Whatever you want. I’m not really hungry."

"Can I ask a favor in return?" He ducked down to try to see her eyes.

"What?" She was wary, but Mulder wouldn’t ask more than she could handle.

"Would you call this number, ask for Patsy."

"Who’s Patsy?"

"I think she could be a friend. I won’t be long." Tell her too much and she’d refuse outright.

"Mulder?"

"I won’t be long." He let himself out; he was feeling better about her. But Skinner - damn.

He was beginning to think Skinner wasn’t going to come to the door, when he finally heard him.

"What do you want Mulder?"

"Just to check on you."

"I’m not a child."

"No, but you could use a friend."

"That might be true, if I deserved one."

"Well, you’ve got two, whether you want them or not." Mulder stood his ground, he wasn’t leaving until he’d done what he promised Scully.

"Two?"

"Scully sent me to check on you."

"Oh god." He stepped back and allowed Mulder to enter the apartment.

"Have you had any problems from the drugs?"

"You mean any more problems?" Mulder shrugged. "Look, you don’t want to be around me, and I’m not exactly comfortable with you. I’m fine, tell her not to worry about me."

"Is your nose going to be okay?"

"Yeah. He said I’d be as handsome as ever." He said bitterly.

Mulder didn’t have an answer to that, so he made none. They sat is silence for a few minutes.

"She is all right?" Skinner finally allowed himself to ask.

"I think she will be. She got some rest this afternoon."

"Good. Look, I’m checking on a transfer so that she won’t have to see me any more."

"I don’t think that’s a decision you should make right now." Mulder cautioned him.

"She shouldn’t have to contend with my presence."

"Even before she spoke with you, she told me something was wrong. Your actions were too out of character." So why did he still feel so stiff around the guy? At least Skinner couldn’t remember what he’d done.

"She’s more generous than I am. Whatever the catalyst, I’m responsible for what happened. I have to live with that the rest of my life."

"Sir . . . "

"Don’t." Skinner barked at him.

"What?"

"Don’t call me sir. I can’t . . . it’s not appropriate."

"You’re my superior." Skinner snorted at that. "And you’ve saved my ass countless times. Scully’s too."

"Oh Jesus, Mulder. Could you leave now?"

"Sorry. That came out badly."

"I know what you’re trying to do, Mulder. Part of me even appreciates it, but I want you to leave. I need to be alone."

"Have you eaten?"

"I don’t need a mother, Mulder. Thanks for coming by." Skinner stood, leaving no doubt that the visit was finished.

"I’ll be staying at Scully’s tonight. Call me if you need anything."

"Sure, Mulder."

"When will you be back at work?" He hadn’t done anything to help, and Scully needed information that only he could obtain from Skinner.

"I’ve got a couple of weeks due me. I’ll probably take them now."

"I’ll call you tomorrow."

"Fine. Look, you can do me more good looking after her. Okay? Oh, listen, just for your information, Tucker’s disappeared. His apartment’s empty as well."

Mulder nodded, he’d halfway expected that. He let Skinner see him out. He knew Skinner wasn’t okay, but there wasn’t a whole lot he could do. He didn’t think there was a hot line to help him.

After picking up Thai food, he headed back to Scully’s. She opened the door for him and had obviously been crying.

"Scully? What?" He wanted to hold her, but he didn’t want to scare her.

"How do you know Patsy?"

"Patsy? Oh, I called her. I thought she might be able to help." He had to fight to keep his arms down, not to embrace her.

"How would you even know about . . . "

"The doctor gave me the number last night, for you."

"But why did you call?" She was looking him in the eye finally, wanting to see more than the words.

"I . . . I just wanted to know what I could do. How I could help you."

Apparently she saw what she wanted. "Mulder, I . . . " she turned from him and snagged another tissue. "How’s Skinner?"

"Not too well. He’s talking about a transfer, so you won’t have to see him."

She made no comment. He followed her into the kitchen and began laying out the food.

"Thai? You don’t like . . . "

"You do."

"I can’t . . . Mulder, I can’t have you treating me like this. It’s worse than the cancer."

"Let me do this, Scully. While you need it. You’ve always been there for me."

He actually got her to eat a few bites by teasing and cajoling. She was relaxing.

*****

He grabbed the phone before it could wake her the next morning. "Hello?"

"Hello. Is Dana there?"

"Patsy?" He caught the voice.

"Yes. Is that you, Fox?"

"Yeah."

"Sorry I woke you. What are you doing there?"

"I stayed over, in case she had nightmares." Funny, she didn’t make him feel like he needed a reason.

"She was right, you are special."

"You talked about me?" Did he want to know what they’d said?

"I asked about her support system. You seem to be it."

"Oh no, she’s got lots of friends and family." He relaxed a little.

"Whom she’s chosen not to confide in. You’re the only one she trusts."

Mulder had to swallow around the lump in his throat. "It’s mutual."

They spoke for several minutes, then Patsy paused, "Fox, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"I asked Dana this last night and her answer confuses me."

"What?"

"Were you lovers before this happened to you?"

"To her." Mulder corrected.

"What?"

"Before this happened to her."

"Don’t kid yourself, Fox. This happened to both of you. Were you?"

"No, we’ve never been lovers. Why?"

"Same answer she gave." It was almost a sigh.

"You don’t believe us?"

"You don’t talk like just friends. Is there any reason . . . " she wasn’t sure how to ask this.

"I’m not gay, Patsy." Just terminally celibate apparently.

"I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to imply . . . "

"I just have superhuman self control." That’s when he heard her laugh. She came around the corner.

"Do I get to see your cape?"

"How long have you been standing there?" He sputtered, face flushing.

"Long enough. Is that Patsy?" He nodded and handed her the phone.

"I’ll go make coffee. You can gossip about me while I’m gone."

"I like purple."

"What?" He turned back, confused.

"For your cape."

He grabbed the remote and pretended to throw it at her, and she smiled. A real smile, the first he’d seen since . . . He quickly retreated to the kitchen, so his emotions wouldn’t spill over.

He handed her the cup when she came in the kitchen to join him. "It was nice of her to call."

"Patsy’s been very good for me. I think I’ll go to her group this week." She was studying the coffee, not looking at him.

"Yeah, that’s probably a good idea."

"There’s a group for . . . for, uh, spouses and partners, if . . . "

"When does it meet?"

"Tuesdays at seven"

"Okay. What?" Was that relief that flickered across her face?

"Nothing. Uh, I think I embarrassed Patsy. She asked about your background. It unnerved her when she realized she was giving advice to a psychologist."

"Not in this instance."

"Listen, I’m throwing you out tonight. You can’t stay here."

"Hey, my snoring is no louder than yours."

She tried to glare at him, but couldn’t sustain it. "Really, Mulder. I need to see if I can be here alone. I can’t let myself . . . "

"Lean on me?"

"It’s more than that. Don’t be upset with me. I have to prove this to myself."

"Yeah, I know. But you will call me, anytime, I’m not going to be sleeping anyway."

"I promise."

"When does Patsy’s group meet?"

"Tuesday’s, same time as yours."

"Good, we can go together."

*****

Not his idea of a good time, sitting around, sharing "feelings" with men he didn’t know. Hell, if it would help Scully he’d dance with them. He’d finally met Patsy, when he dropped Scully off at her room. She was younger than he had thought, but she seemed to know her stuff. He didn’t want to think about where she might have had to learn it. But she seemed to have come through okay, that’s what was important.

He joined the men in the room they had sent him to. Their leader seemed nice enough. Ben was probably his age, shorter, slightly receding hairline, and seemed to have a good handle on the group. Everyone introduced himself or herself, first names only. Um, no other Fox’s, when was the last time that had happened?

They had barely finished the introductions when Russ, another newcomer broke in, "Listen, how long she is going to be like this?"

"Like what, Russ?" Ben asked quietly.

"She won’t let me touch her. I mean it’s been a couple of weeks already and she don’t want sex or nothing. Her bruises are gone, but she won’t even let me . . . "

"Russ, only the bruises you can see are healed. She’s got a lot of . . . "

"You mean she’s bruised down in there too?"

"Probably, but I meant emotionally. You need to understand how violated she’s feeling. Control was taken from her at the most basic level. Her own body was violated. Imagine how you would feel if someone broke into your car and stole something extremely valuable, irreplaceable, out of it. Now magnify that 1000%. Can you imagine something like that?"

From the look on this face, Mulder was pretty sure that he couldn’t, but he kept quiet.

"Well, okay, but how long does that mean I have to go without? I mean, I didn’t do her and she’s treating me like the plague."

Mulder stood from his chair. He wasn’t going to walk out, but he couldn’t sit there and listen quietly. He walked over to the coffeepot and poured himself a cup. He missed the answer, whatever it was, but Russ seemed suitably subdued when he returned to his seat.

"Fox, how are you doing?" Ben drew him into the group.

"I’m fine, concerned about her."

"Is she behaving differently?"

"Well, she startles easily. I try to make more noise so she always knows where I am. And if she takes a nap I try to sit where she can see me as soon as she opens her eyes."

"That’s very good. Is she wary of touching also?"

"Yeah. I try to be very careful there because I’ve come to realize that I always touched her a lot. I make sure she initiates all touching now, or try to."

Ben was looking at him strangely. "You have experience with this?"

"No, it’s what seems to make her comfortable."

"Well, it’s a couple of the techniques we recommend around here. I’d say you’re handling things well with her. How about you?"

"Me? Listen, everyone keeps talking about me, I’m fine. She’s the important thing here." Mulder knew he sounded defensive, but everyone kept harping on him. Nothing had happened to him, except maybe his life being shattered.

"Why do you feel so guilty?" Ben spoke quietly.

"I’m not guilty." Well, not really.

"Could you have prevented what happened?"

Mulder was silent for a minute. "If I’d gone with her . . . "

"Was it a place you should have been, somewhere you knew she was going that she wouldn’t be safe?"

"No." He would never have foreseen that. If he hadn’t actually walked in he still wouldn’t be able to reconcile it.

"Then you couldn’t have prevented it. Of course it would help if you believed that. Bill, why don’t you tell him about your situation?"

It was a good two hours. Mulder did have a better understanding of his own guilt. These men had been through a lot too, a side of things he hadn’t dwelled on. It seemed that some of the stories had even gotten through to Russ. He would be back next week, if they were in town. If she was able to work, that is.

He headed up the hall to meet Scully, and spotted her outside the room the women had used, talking with Patsy. When she turned to watch him come toward her, he could tell she’d been crying. Damn. His hand automatically rose to touch her, but he remembered in time.

Scully reached out and took his hand, placing it firmly on the small of her back. He gave her a shy smile and after a quick goodbye to Patsy, they walked out together.

Patsy watched them leave. You’d almost think she was marked there, the placement of his hand had been so precise. She’d watched so many couples be torn apart by this, it was nice to see a couple she felt confident would get through it because of each other rather than in spite of.

"You ready to go, Sweetheart?" She hadn’t heard him approach.

"Yeah. I had a good group tonight. You?"

"Sure did." Ben put his arm around her and her arms went around his waist.

"Makes me remember how lucky I am."

They followed Mulder and Scully into the night.