Catalyst 3/3 (NC-17)


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She woke to find him lying on his side, watching her.  When he saw she was awake, he spoke quietly, “Have you changed your mind?”

 

She knew immediately what he was asking.  “Did you?” She rejoined.

 

He shook his head, “I’ll live forever if you’re there.”

 

She gave him a long look then.  “So you’re planning to hang around?”

 

“Definitely.  So, what do we do now?”  He asked, giving her the control.  Her eyes seemed to scan the ceiling, but he knew she wasn't seeing it.  She was automatically making and rejecting plans.

 

“I guess we need to get back to DC and we need to pick up your car.”

 

“No," Mulder stopped her, "I don’t mean anything practical.  What do we do now?”

 

“Oh.”  She glanced around the room seeming to see it this time.  “I suppose most couples would hop into bed together.  But we’re already here.”

 

“Yeah, we are.”  He leaned in then, and kissed her.  He felt her arms go around his neck, pulling him closer.

 

When he broke the kiss, he moved slightly away from her.  “This is gonna sound stupid, but I don’t want to rush you.”

 

She looked at him, uncertain, but waited.

 

“Scully, I want our first time . . . I don’t want to have a concussion and I want you to be . . . sure.”

 

Her eyes lightened then and she nodded.

 

“And not in some no-tell motel."  She grinned but agreed.  "On that note, Scully, I need a cold shower.”

 

That surprised a chuckle from her.  He gave her another quick kiss, then slipped from the bed, keeping his back to her.

 

She lay back against the pillows, adding his to hers and stared at the ceiling.  She heard the water cut on and closed her eyes.  She’d been honest with him last night, she’d admitted she loved him.  He had a good question, what now?  He was unemployed, and she had no idea what she’d be doing.  They needed to talk and that would be better done dressed.  She took a deep breath and rose from the bed.  She dressed quickly in yesterday’s clothes and was combing her hair when the water cut off.

 

He came out, dressed, toweling his hair.  One look at her and he stopped in his tracks.  “You okay?”

 

“I guess I’m a little . . . uncomfortable.”

 

“Did I - “

 

“Mulder, you’ve done nothing wrong, this morning.”

 

“But?”

 

“We do need to talk.”  She sat on the side of the bed and after a moment, he joined her, but not close enough to touch her accidentally.  He waited, confident that anything he could say would make things worse.

 

“Mulder,” she turned to face him, “I’ve never told a man that I loved him before.”

 

His eyes widened, “I’m your first?”

 

“My only.  Remember, one in five billion.”

 

He nodded and forced himself not to touch her or pull her to him.

 

“I need to know . . . I have to know what you were thinking.  Why were you going to kill yourself?”

 

He blinked, then swallowed.  “I . . . you won’t accept a head injury?” He tried for a light note.

 

“Mulder.”

 

“I don’t, I’m not sure I can explain it now.  I don’t feel the same way.”  He slumped slightly beside her.  “It was my fault we were out there, on that assignment.”  He held up his hand, to stop her.  “Scully, I’m the one that screwed up your career.  I’m not going over our whole history, I swear, but I got us assigned to Kersh.  I got us on shit detail.  You were, you are an exemplary agent.  You’ve done your best to keep me in line.”  He gave her a sad grin.  “It didn’t work.  And still you stuck with me.  I saw your face when I ordered you to turn in your resignation.”

 

“I don’t take orders well from you, Mulder.”

 

“I know.  I handled it wrong, but I was . . . I wasn’t doing too well.  When I saw Ambrose - “

 

“When you saw him, you handled the situation.  You saved me.”

 

He ignored the second part of her statement completely.  “There shouldn’t have been a situation to handle.”

 

“Bullshit!”

 

He drew back at her vehemence.

 

“I have been your partner, equal partner, for seven years.  You have made decisions that affected us both, but so have I.  We’ve both made good and bad decisions.  If you’ll recall, I was ready to leave the Bureau once, when they threatened to separate us.  They didn’t, they couldn’t.  But you almost did, permanently.”

 

“I’m sorry.”  She couldn't doubt his sincerity.  The look on his face was enough to convince her.

 

“Have you ever . . . “ She looked away, the question itself too hard to ask.

 

“Have I ever thought about suicide before?”  He finished for her.  “Yes.  After Samantha, and during the divorce.  I’ve never acted on it.”

 

“Until last night.”

 

“I thought I was doing you, hell, the world, a favor.”

 

“A favor?”  Her voice had risen; the outrage plain in her voice.  He actually cringed from the look on her face.  “A favor.”  She repeated.  “How could you - “

 

“Scully, I didn’t know you loved me.  Even in my best fantasies I could only get to ‘care about me’.  You’re my first too.”

 

Her eyes teared slightly, “Don’t do me any more favors, Mulder.”

 

“I promise.”  His tone was somber, “If I had known, if I had even imagined - “

 

“And I thought I was so damn obvious.”  She sighed.

 

“Obvious?”  He shook his head.  “Let’s get out of here.”

 

She nodded and rose.  There was nothing to pack, so they headed for the car.  She handed him the keys.

 

“You don’t want to drive?”

 

“No.”  She smiled faintly as he adjusted the seat.

 

He pulled out onto the highway, heading north for no particular reason.

 

“Mulder?”

 

“Ummm?”  He glanced over at her.

 

“What are you going to do?”

 

He looked back at the road, but took her hand and placed it on his thigh, caressing it lightly.  “Well, if you’ll let me, I’ll spend the next six or seven decades making this up to you.”

 

“I meant for work.”  But she squeezed his thigh, giving her support.

 

“Oh yeah.  I’m unemployed.”  He shook his head slightly, “That’s new for me.  I’m more used to being suspended.”  He sighed, “I could write.”

 

“M. F. Luder?”

 

He glanced over at her, his lips twitching.  “He’s paid a few bills for me.”

 

“I’m sure he has.  Can he keep you in sunflower seeds?”

 

He looked over at her, then back at the road.  “No.  Maybe I could be a slum lord.”

 

“Excuse me?” 

 

“Well, I own a couple of houses on the Vineyard, one in Connecticut, the cabin in Quonochontaug and a beach house in North Carolina.”

 

“You what?”  She snatched her hand from his leg.

 

He took hold of it again and brought it back.  “Dad believed in investing in land, real estate.  He said they weren’t making it anymore, so it was a good deal.”

 

“I never thought about you having money.  You don’t - “

 

“I don’t live like it?  It’s Dad’s money.  The rental fees go into an account to keep the properties up.  If one of them needs a new furnace or carpet, the company takes care of it.”

 

“So there’s not a pile of money somewhere.”  She nodded.

 

“Well, actually there is.”  He shrugged, “but I don’t think about it.”

 

She hesitated a moment, “Guess I won’t have to ‘keep’ you.”

 

“You offerin’?”  He squeezed her hand.  She just rolled her eyes.  “What are you going to do, Scully?”

 

“I’m not sure.  I don’t even know who I’m reporting to.  Skinner called me in to look at personnel files, not Kersh.  That’s how I found out what you’d done.”  She watched him.  “He wanted my input on a new partner.”

 

The grip on her hand was suddenly painful and she saw that his left hand was white knuckled on the steering wheel.  “New partner?”

 

“I’m a field agent, Mulder.  I have to have a partner.  I told you about this last night.”

 

“I, I didn’t think about - “

 

“You didn’t think through a lot, Mulder.”  Her voice was deadly serious.

 

He didn’t respond, but he didn’t release her hand either, not until he spotted a shopping center.  He pulled off the highway.

 

“Mulder?”

 

“We need clothes.”  His voice was somber again; the thoughts of another partner covering her back had sent a chill through him.  Look at what had happened in New York without him.  God, he really hadn't thought anything through.  He parked in front of a large department store.

 

They got out of the car, both silent now.  His hand came up to touch her and she leaned into him.  He closed his eyes in relief and led her into the store.  He turned immediately toward women’s clothing.

 

“I can handle this, if you want to look for your clothes, Mulder.”

 

“I’d rather help you first.”

 

“Help me, huh?”  But she relented and let him follow her toward the slacks.  He immediately started flipping through the offerings.  “Mulder?”

 

“Shh, I’m busy.”

 

Her eyebrow rose, but she leaned back to watch him.  In just a few minutes he had a couple of pairs of slacks and moved to the tops.  Her eyes widened, but followed him.

 

In short order he turned, “Want to try these on?”

 

Her mouth dropped open, but she took the clothing from his hands.

 

“While you’re doing that, I’ve got some other things to check on.  I’ll be back to see how they fit.”  And he turned to leave.  She didn’t stop him; she didn’t know what to say anyway.  Instead she ducked into the dressing room.

 

She tried on the first outfit and stood surprised in front of the mirror.  It fit perfectly and looked like it was made for her.  The thin sweater was the color of her eyes, and the navy pants were cut lower than she was used to.  For just a second she wondered how Mulder would feel about a naval ring, to go with her tattoo, then felt foolish at the impulse.  When had he paid that much attention to her?  Okay, he listened to her but this . . .

 

She checked, but he hadn’t returned, so she tried on the next outfit.  This top was green and showed some cleavage, but it was great with her hair.  Surely he couldn’t fit her in jeans, but when she pulled them up, she swallowed hard.  Her mother couldn’t possibly have fit her so well.

 

Once again she looked out and he was waiting patiently.  His face lit up at the sight of her.  “How’d I do?”

 

“A little too well.”  She said dryly.  He only grinned and handed her what he was holding.  Lingerie.  “Mulder, you didn’t.”

 

“Just see if it fits and you like it.”  That cajoling look was almost back to normal.  She didn’t fight him, just taking the items from his hand.  She glanced at the lacy cream bra and her eyebrow rose, but she kept quiet.  He was grinning when she disappeared back into the dressing room.  The grin slipped away when she was out of sight.  New partner.  He shook his head and tried to concentrate on what she was doing right now.

 

She had her lips pursed, looking at herself in the mirror.  The man was damn observant.

 

She slipped back on her own clothes and came out with everything in her arms.  He stood and reached to help her.  “Aren’t you going to model for me?”

 

“I hadn’t realized what a good investigator you are.”

 

His smile grew.

 

“You’re turn.  Follow me.”  She led him toward the men’s department and made her own choices.  He had to admit when he tried on the clothing she handed him, she was a damn observant investigator herself.

 

He came out to show her how her choices looked.  She was just outside, looking at sweaters, her back to him.  Her back.  Someone else would have custody of its protection now.  A new partner.  It was really going to happen this time.  He had truly screwed things up.  Permanently.

 

Sensing him, she turned.  He was frozen in place.  She wasn’t sure he was even seeing her, and he was beginning to hyperventilate.

 

“Mulder?”  She pulled him out of the main aisle and he came with her, but he wasn’t in control.  More than a little frightened, her hand slipped around his neck and let their lips meet.

 

In an instant his breathing slowed and his arms went around her.  When they parted, her eyes searched his.  “Let’s get out of here.  Change, we’ll pay and go get something to eat.”

 

She watched him swallow convulsively, then shake his head.

 

“Okay, but let’s get out of here.”

 

He nodded then and her hand caressed his cheek before she gave him a small shove toward the dressing room.  He wouldn’t need to try on the underwear she had picked out for him, so she piled their additional purchases on the counter and began checking out.  When he joined her, he paid quickly and they moved toward the entrance.

 

“Why don’t I drive now, Mulder?”

 

“Don’t trust me?”  He had meant to say it lightly, but he failed.

 

“I could use some control.”

 

He nodded at that and relinquished the keys.  He seated himself on the passenger’s side and they both adjusted their seats.  She saw his hand come up and rub his brow.

 

“Does your head hurt?”

 

“Yeah.”  Was all he said.

 

Scully dug in her pockets and extracted more of the pain medication Dr. Moss had given her.  She handed it to him along with a bottle of water.  He swallowed it with no comment.  “Do you want to talk about what happened back there?”

 

He shook his head carefully.

 

“Why don’t you close your eyes, Mulder?  Try to rest.”  When he nodded, she took his left hand and kissed the finger tips, then lay his hand on her thigh as he had done for her earlier.

 

He met her eyes and nodded, then reclined the seat slightly and closed his eyes.  He obviously wasn’t hungry and really neither was she, so she returned to the highway.  She continued heading north for no better reason than it was the way he had driven.

 

She knew when he slept; his hand would tighten and loosen on her leg.  She didn’t know what had happened at the store, but they could talk later.  They were together, with no case or definite destination.  Surprisingly, it felt good.

 

He slept for some time and woke to the realization he was gripping her leg in what had to be a painful hold.

 

“Uh, sorry.”  He loosened his hand, rubbing her thigh slightly.  “Where are we?”

 

“Maine.”

 

“Maine?”

 

“Yes.  I know it’s a little early, but why don’t we find a place to stay tonight, then go share a lobster.  We missed breakfast and lunch.”

 

“God, I’m sorry Scully.  You should have stopped.”

 

“No, it was a good drive, but I’m getting hungry now.  Think you could eat?”

 

He nodded.  “Are we, are we getting one room or two tonight?”

 

She glanced over and he knew he was seeing fear in her eyes.  Did she think he would hurt her?  Before he could retract the question though, she spoke. “One, please.”

 

He blinked, he had not misinterpreted that look.  “Are you sure?”

 

She nodded, keeping her eyes on the road.  They were quiet until he spotted a sign.  “How about a B&B, Scully?  It’d be a step up from our regular accommodations.”

 

“A B&B would be an entire flight up from our regular accommodations, Mulder.”  She said dryly.  “We could see if they have anything.”

 

He was more confused than before.  Did she want this or not?  He was in no shape to take advantage of her physically.  They’d discussed waiting, hadn’t they?  He felt very out of his depth.

 

She took the turn to the house and in minutes pulled up in front of it.  “Well?”  She looked over at him.

 

“Looks nice.”  What was he supposed to say?  Apparently that was right, because she nodded and opened her door.

 

“You’re in luck.  I had a cancellation last night.  We have a lovely room on the second floor.  It has a queen size bed and a private bath.  The furniture came from an elegant home in Bangor.”  The hostess was pulling out the key.  “I can send Jerry out to get your luggage.” 

 

“Can we unpack later?  Suddenly I’m about to starve.”  Scully looked over at Mulder.  “Where could we get a lobster?”

 

“You are in luck.  The best lobsters in Maine are just down the road, at the Weathervane. Turn left out here and go three miles.  It’s on your right.”  She smiled up at Mulder.  “You better get your wife some food.”

 

Mulder opened his mouth to correct her, but Scully took his hand.  He nodded his thanks and let her lead him out.

 

*****

 

He gaped at the small prehistoric monster they sat on the table between them.  “Scully?”

 

“Come on.”  She twisted a claw.

 

“You’ve done this before.”  He observed.

 

She nodded, “Last time I was in Maine.”

 

He couldn’t help himself, his finger reached out to wipe the butter from her chin.  She smiled her thanks and pulled out a large chunk of the white meat from the claw.

 

*****

 

He carried their bags inside and let her open the door.  He followed her in, then stopped.  The room was nice, and he had no doubt the antiques were authentic, but the bed dominated the room.  He looked over at her, but she didn’t seem disturbed by it.  He put their packages in the larger chair.

 

“So do you want to go back downstairs and have some wine?”  He offered.

 

“No, I’d rather stay up here, maybe go ahead and get ready for bed.”

 

He nodded, he’d prefer the same thing.

 

She sighed and he looked over at her.  “I forgot to get something to sleep in.”

 

“Here.”  He handed her a small bag from within the larger one.

 

“What?”

 

“I, uh, I picked this up while you were trying on . . . “

 

She took the bag, her eyebrow rising.  He shrugged, a slight grin on his face.  She turned then and headed for the bathroom.  His smile vanished along with her.  He needed to know what had scared her earlier.  At least when he focused on her, he could forget about himself for awhile.

 

She came out wearing the dark forest green gown and matching robe and she'd removed the bandages from her wrists.  “Mulder, this isn’t just a night gown.  It’s a penoir set.  You - “

 

“I know what it is.”

 

“It’s too expensive.”

 

“A good slum lord can afford this stuff occasionally.”  He met her eyes, not  backing down.

 

“Mulder.”

 

“What?” 

 

“I bought you something to sleep in too.”

 

His eyes widened as a smile grew on his face.  “Are you kidding?”  The blush on her face was adorable.  She did love him, as crazy as that was.  He took the bag and looked inside, then pulled out the pajama bottoms.  “Uh, where’s the top?”

 

Her blush grew.  “I didn’t think you needed one.”

 

He felt like the wind had been knocked out of him.  She wanted to sleep against his chest, feel his skin.  Oh god.  He forced himself to back away, toward the bathroom.

 

He emerged, wearing the bottoms she had selected.  They were cotton with a small blue and gray plaid design.  They fit well, even long enough.  And she had chosen them.

 

She was already in the bed, propped up on the pillows.  She’d found a book in the room and was reading.  He joined her in the bed and tried not to show his pleasure that she had taken a good look at his chest.

 

"What're you reading?"

 

"It came with the room."  She said dryly, showing him the cover with the pirate and buxom maiden.  The rakish rogue had long flowing dark hair.  He was dressed in leather pants and nothing else. He was dipping the redheaded woman in the yellow gown, her breasts threatening to explode from the top.

 

"Maybe I should let my hair grow out."  He mused, not releasing the book back to her.

 

She gave a sound that he could only describe as a huff and slid down under the covers.

 

"You don't think that would be a good look for me?"  He asked her, trying to sound innocent.  She turned her back to him and snapped off the light from her side of the bed.  "Scully, you can read as long as you want."

 

She flipped over to put him in his place, verbally, but the twinkling of his eyes caught her off guard and she struggled to keep her face impassive.  "Go to sleep, Mulder."

 

He nodded, and pulled her against him.  His eyes closed and after a moment, so did hers.

 

*****

 

She stirred, lying on her stomach, but found she couldn’t move.  Something or someone was pinning her down.  Ambrose?  She panicked and began fighting; forcing whatever was holding her down to release her.

 

“Scully, Scully wake up.  What?  What’s wrong?”  He moved, releasing her from beneath his leg.

 

Mulder?  But he’d been killed . . . Mulder!  She twisted then reaching for him.

 

“Scully, it’s okay.  It was just a dream.”

 

“I, I was being held down.”  She raised a shaking hand to her face.

 

He realized then what was wrong.  In his sleep he had tucked her under him, one of his legs holding her in place.  “Oh god, it was me.  Scully, I’m sorry.  I . . . I’m sorry.”  He moved away from her but she followed, needing to feel him now that she knew it was him.

 

“It’s okay Scully, I’ll move to the chair.  It’ll be - “

 

“No.”

 

“I don’t mind.”

 

“Please.  I . . . I don’t want to sleep alone.”

 

That stopped him.  In an instant he realized that she had slept with him, in his arms, every night since that night.  She’d drawn comfort from him as she’d given it to him. 

 

“Scully?”  She managed to meet his eyes.  “Talk to me.  Please.”

 

“You won’t leave me.”

 

God he was a fool.  He’d hurt her as badly as Ambrose had.  No, he’d hurt her worse; she had trusted him.  “I won’t leave you.”  He pulled her against him again.  Damn, she was shaking.

 

"Promise."  Her voice trembled.

 

"Scully, I could never leave you."

 

Her tears started then and she was lost, sobbing against his chest.  He held her tightly to him, stroking her back and murmuring to her.  "Let it out, Baby.  It's safe here, I have you."

 

He didn't know how long she cried, but he knew it was what she needed.  She’d been strong for him too long.  When her hiccupping breaths eased out, he realized she was asleep.  Her hands still clutched him and her head rested over his heart as though she needed the sound to reassure her.

 

It struck him then why she had bought him pajama bottoms but no top.  She had wanted to feel him, hear his heart beat.

 

He never wanted to hurt this woman again.

 

*****

 

She woke to his eyes on her, his arms around her.  "Scully?"

 

"Thank you."  She said softly.

 

"My pleasure."  His eyes locked on hers, searching for some clue as to how she really felt.

 

She smiled and placed a small kiss on his chest, over his heart.

 

He swallowed, hard, and cleared his throat.  "So, why don't you take first shower?  I'll run down to the lobby and see if I can rustle us up some coffee."

 

"You don't mind?"

 

"Nope, go on."  He watched her walk toward the bathroom, “Hey, Scully, wear the green top.”  She chuckled and he noted her cheeks seemed heated.  He waited for her to enter the bathroom before attempting to rise.  He took a deep breath and found his pants.  When he returned with the coffee he heard the water cut off and found himself visualizing what was going on in the next room.

 

When she emerged, wearing the green top and the jeans he had chosen, he smiled.  Then without a word, handed her the coffee.  He knew she needed her caffeine before too much conversation.

 

She took it gratefully and sipped.  Just the way she liked it.  “Thanks.”

 

He nodded, “Can I get in there now?”

 

“All yours.”

 

She was sitting at the window when he rejoined her, staring off into the distance.

 

“Scully?  Everything okay?”  She looked over at him.  “You want to head home.”

 

“Would you mind?”

 

“No.”  He sat on the bed facing her.  “Why?”

 

“I guess I just need the familiarity.  I know things have changed, a lot of things and, and I need to go home.”

 

“Then let’s go home.”

 

She nodded gratefully and stood from the chair to gather her things.

 

“Scully, when I woke up this morning I thought of something else I could do, I mean in addition to slum lording.”  He folded his dirty clothes to put in the bag, not facing her.

 

“Yes?”  She stopped, waiting. 

 

He finally turned.  “I was thinking I could ask you to marry me.”

 

Her eyes widened, “Marry you?”

 

“Yeah.  Seems fitting, I ask you every time you’re in Maine.”

 

She blushed then, “Come on Mulder, I had just dazzled you with my knowledge of witchcraft.  You were kidding around.”

 

“No.  I let you laugh it off.”

 

Her mouth dropped open but she didn’t speak.

 

She didn’t speak for so long he felt his gut twist.  “Scully?”

 

“I . . . Mulder, I can’t deal with this, not right now.”

 

“Uh, yeah.  Sorry.”

 

“Don’t apologize, Mulder.  Let’s, let’s head back to DC.”

 

“Now?”

 

“We still have to stop and get your car.”

 

“Oh shit.”  He muttered.  He’d forgotten that little detail.  When she'd hustled him off the Vineyard after saving his life, he'd been in no shape to drive.  They’d be separated for hours on the way home.  He looked around the room; she’d packed everything else.  Without another word, he gathered up the bags and moved toward the door.

 

“Mulder,” Scully turned to him once they were back in the car.  She lay her hand on his leg, like yesterday.  “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

 

“I know that.”

 

“What . . . what were you expecting, really?”

 

“Well it would have been nice if you’d thrown your arms around my neck and said yes.”  He couldn’t hide the hurt entirely.

 

“Mulder, I . . . I just don’t think I’m ready for . . .”

 

“Yeah, okay.  I should have kept my mouth shut.”  He turned away, but her hand tightened on his leg.

 

“I can tell you . . . Mulder, there’s no one else I would even consider spending my life with.  You need to know that.”

 

He nodded, relaxing slightly.

 

“And there are other ways we can show that we love each other.”  She added softly.

 

He glanced over at her but kept quiet.  Her hand caressed his thigh.

 

She did seem . . . approachable.  “Scully, without getting myself in too much trouble here, have you ever thought about . . . I mean, if we ever got together,  I . . . a place like we stayed last night or maybe one of those dives we’re more used to.  Did you ever . . . “

 

“Your couch.”  She said it without thinking.  It wasn’t until the car swerved that she realized what she had revealed.  She knew her cheeks were burning.

 

“My couch?  At my apartment?”  He sounded a little choked.

 

“Mulder - “

 

“No, really.  You’ve actually thought about . . . “

 

“Of course I have.”  She responded quickly.

 

“Of course?  I can’t have this conversation and drive, Scully.  Would you mind an early lunch?”

 

“Okay.”  She spoke softly, reluctantly.

 

“Scully?”

 

She met his eyes then and nodded.  He found a diner not far down the road and pulled in.  They were quiet over their meal.  He wanted to ask more questions, but he had told her he wouldn’t push her.  He was startled when she reached over for his hand.

 

“We’re okay Mulder.  When we get back to DC we could meet - ”

 

“Yeah, we are.  I’ll follow you.”  Like he could let her out of his sight.

 

She nodded.  “I’ll have my cell phone on if you - “

 

“Scully, I didn’t bring my phone.”

 

She looked away, “Oh.”

 

“Scully - “

 

She met his eyes then, “I didn’t think about that.  I’ll just keep you in sight and if you want to pull off, just pass me.”

 

“Yeah.”  Damn, he hated that she’d have all that time alone, to change her mind about him, about them.  “Let’s hook up at my apartment, okay?”

 

She nodded and his hand closed over hers on the table.  They were silent then, thinking their own thoughts.

 

*****

 

She set a good pace on the way back.  He was surprised at her familiarity with the Vineyard, but didn’t question it.  The quicker they got home, the better.  He had to struggle not to pass her, not to race back and be with her again.  They had survived a lot over the last few days.  He had survived it because of her.   

 

She’d been in his sight the whole trip, but he couldn’t wait to touch her when they parked at his apartment.  He did notice that she didn’t seem to mind when he took her hand.

 

He stopped just inside and looked around.  When he’d left here he had never expected to see it again.  Without her, he wouldn’t have.  He looked down as her arms went around him.  “Mulder?”

 

“It’s good to be home.”  He meant it more deeply than ever before.

 

After a moment she nodded, “Yes, it is.”

 

“Let me dump this stuff in the bedroom and I’ll be right back.”

 

She was on his phone when he returned to the room.  He couldn’t help the quick glance at the couch but hopefully she didn’t notice.

 

She turned, “I’ve gotten five messages from Skinner, and the guys have called a couple of times.”

 

“That can wait.  Skinner gave you three days and me . . .” he grinned.

 

She nodded and watched him walk toward her.  “How’s your head?”

 

“Kind of swimming.”  He managed a straight face.  Her look turned to one of concern instantly and her hand came up to touch his brow.  He caught it and brought the fingers to his lips.  “Thinking about what might happen here some day.”

 

He wanted to laugh with joy at the blush that heated her face.  “How about you, how are you feeling?”  He wanted to touch her, hold her against him.  He forced himself to wait.  She took his hand and led him to the couch, taking a seat and pulling him down beside her.  He realized then that she was as nervous as he was.

 

"Scully, I want to kiss you."

 

Her shoulders relaxed at those words.  "I was hoping you did."

 

He smiled and leaned in, letting their lips touch lightly, no more than a breeze.  Her smile was welcoming, so he did it again, with more pressure this time.  He leaned back slightly to see her. 

 

"See, the world didn't end."  She said, trying to keep a straight face.

 

"Ah, Jesus, Scully, don't remind me how inept I am."  He pouted.

 

"Inept wasn't the word I was thinking."  She moved closer, her hand behind his neck drawing his lips to hers.  There was nothing chaste about the next kiss.

 

When they broke for air, they were reclining and he had maneuvered her on top.  She realized he was giving her freedom of movement even as he held her to his body.  He loved her, he'd do anything for her and he loved her.  A small sob escaped her.

 

"Scully?"  Concern and more than a little fear touched his face.

 

"You love me."  She said simply.

 

"Well, yeah."  He looked confused now, "You didn't doubt it, did you?"

 

She shook her head, "Make love with me."

 

His eyes widened, now?  He'd promised not to rush her.  He looked up into those sparkling blue eyes and his hand cupped her face.  She turned to place a kiss in his palm.

 

"I'm sure, Mulder."

 

The love is his eyes nearly blinded her with its intensity.   His head dipped to place a kiss on the cleavage before him.  But even with her permission, he needed to slow things down for both their sakes. 

 

His hands on her shoulders moved her to sit up, her ass on his abdomen.  She allowed it, watching his eyes.  “I want you, Scully.  And I want to believe you’re really okay with this.”

 

“What would it take?”  She asked, her eyes never leaving his.

 

“I . . . I’m not sure.”  His fantasies hadn’t covered this.

 

Scully leaned over and brushed a kiss across his lips again, then sat back up.  She could feel his erection now, straining the zipper of his jeans.  She took hold of the hem of her top and lifted it over her head.

 

He had no control over his hands as they reached up to cup her breasts through the lace.  They fit perfectly in his hands, made for him.  His thumbs brushed her nipples and he watched them bud.

 

He wanted to see her, without the lace.  Reluctantly he moved his hands away and unsnapped the bra.  He’d chosen wisely; the front clasp made things so much easier.  She seemed to arch toward him when the bra fell away and he let it drop to the floor.  One of his hands traced the ridges of her spine, lightly pulling her toward him but leaving her with the ability to pull away.

 

She didn’t, watching him with sparking eyes.  “What if you lost some of these clothes, then I could show you that I’m serious.”

 

Finally he nodded and watched as she rose from his body.  He sat up and yanked off his own t-shirt as he stood.  Her hands were at his waistband before he could reach it which caused his breath to catch. 

 

She carefully and efficiently lowered his zipper and pushed his clothing down.  She stood for a moment, appreciating what she saw.

 

“Now you.”  He let his hands slide down her torso. 

 

She could see his appreciation in several ways and her smile grew as he fumbled slightly with her button.  Her hand rested on his shoulder as she stepped out of her clothes.  He straightened up and she moved into his arms, their skin meeting, knowing the other.  Her hand cupped him, squeezed him.  He quit breathing entirely then.

 

Her eyes widened as he grew even more within her hand. 

 

“Scully.”

 

She nodded and he sat on the couch.  He started to pull her down but she stopped him.  “Mulder, part of the fantasy is feeling your weight on me, pressing me into this couch.”

 

“But, I - “

 

“Mulder, I’m okay.  I want you and I don’t want you to be afraid of this.”

 

“You’re important, Scully.”

 

“You make me believe that.  Love me Mulder.”

 

He pulled her down then, atop him as he kissed her, touched her.  His breathing was heavy again as he met her eyes, then flipped her beneath him.  She gasped, then laughed out loud.

 

He relaxed then, smiling himself.  He nuzzled her neck as his hands explored her body.  He moved down and took her breast into his mouth.  She was the one breathing heavily as he moved on down her body.  “Mu-Mulder, you don’t - “

 

“Yeah, Scully.”  He looked up at her, “I’ve been craving Scully taste for as long as I can remember.”  The blush that took over her face nearly undid him.  He ducked his head down to continue his worship and his tongue began working magic at her core.

 

His five o’clock shadow tickle scratched her thighs and she pressed her legs closer to feel the sensation even stronger.  His tongue pressed against her clit and she gasped, thrusting toward him.  “Mu . . .” Then she was spiraling out of control.

 

He moved back up her body, holding her gently against him.  Her arms went around him holding him close.  “Scully?”

 

“I . . . I didn’t know.  I wasn’t really sure that I could . . . but with you, God I love you.”

 

Tears came to his eyes.  He might have died and never heard her say those words.  He buried his face in her neck.  “I love you, Scully.”

 

“I need you Mulder, inside me.  Please.”

 

How could he refuse that?  She took him back in her hand and guided him to her.  She was ready, hot, wet and ready.  He entered her slowly, watching for any sign that she wasn’t okay but all he saw was desire.

 

He hesitated, sheathed within her body, fitting perfectly within the cradle of her.  He began to move then, with her matching him thrust for thrust as though loath to have him leave her body even for a moment.

 

Her eyes met his and he saw the tears there, but knew them for what they were.  Tears of joy.  He wasn’t going to last long, but this was only the first of many.  He knew that now.  When her body tightened around him, he gave himself up to her, losing himself within her, knowing it was the safest place to be.

 

When he could move, he started to leave her warmth, at least allow her to breath, but she held him to her and he relaxed back, shifting slightly so that she wouldn’t suffocate.  She protested even that, but his kiss quieted her.  “I need you for a long time, Scully.  I’m not going anywhere.”

 

She nodded and let her eyes drift close, worn out from the emotion and the lovemaking.

 

*****

 

She woke to his hands caressing her body.  She stretched and sighed with contentment.  His smile, and cock, grew at this sign of her comfort in his embrace.

 

“You’re naked, Scully.”  He spoke matter of factly, “I like it.  It’s a good look on you.”

 

“Thank you, but I don’t think it’s regulation.”  She managed to keep a straight face, then leaned from the couch and snagged the green top she’d been wearing earlier and covered her breasts.  “Isn’t that better?”

 

She caught the sparkle in his eye.  "Mmm, nice top."

 

She actually giggled, "Thanks.  My boyfriend gave it to me."

 

"Boyfriend, huh?  Is he your steady?"

 

"Yep.  He’s kinda pinned me."  She managed to keep a straight face.

 

"Oh, serious."  He commented, she nodded.  "Is he cute?"

 

“I think so.  He’s also a little insecure.”  She looked into his eyes then, “I like that about him.”

 

He leaned up then and began placing tiny kisses on her lips.  She let her hand trail down his side and cup his butt.  He ground himself into her thigh, more than ready for another opportunity to love her.

 

The knock at the door caused outrage on his face.  Who would come here and why the hell now?  Scully rose quickly and hurried toward his bedroom, grabbing up her clothes.  Mulder took his time getting to the door, slipping on his own jeans and t-shirt, allowing her time.

 

“Who is it?”

 

“Skinner.”

 

That brought a pause.  Mulder looked back toward his bedroom.  She was out of sight.  He pulled the door open.

 

“About time.  Did you turn off your machine?”

 

“Uh, remember, I don’t report to you.  I don’t report to anyone.”


"Right.  Is Scully here?”  Skinner took another step into the room.  "Her cell is turned off and I've left several messages."

 

Before Mulder could answer she stepped back into the room.  She was dressed and looked a lot more put together than he did.  “Yes, Sir.  I thought I was on leave.”

 

“I’m sorry, but we’ve got a problem.  I think it’s an X-File.”

 

They both gaped at him.  Skinner nodded.  “This came down from the top.”

 

“The top?”  Mulder didn’t try to hide his skepticism.

 

Skinner nodded.  “The Director himself called me.  A congressman from Idaho contacted him.  He got your name from an old friend, Senator Matheson.”

 

Mulder glanced over at Scully.  “My name?  And Kersh didn’t have an aneurysm?”

 

“Kersh isn’t happy, but this came from above him.  Of course, since you’re not employed by the Bureau anymore, we have to ask you to consult on this case.  I’m hoping your fees, plus expenses of course, won’t be too high.”  Skinner's eyes were dancing with suppressed laughter.

 

Mulder stood there speechless and looked over at Scully.  Her lips were twitching.

 

Consulting, huh?  And on an X-File meant she would be at his side.  Maybe he wouldn’t have to dip into the slum fund for a little while.  A new career, a new relationship - at least a new phase to the most important one.  His own lips curved into a smile.

 

 

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Mulder, Scully, the Lone Gunman and Skinner all belong to Chris Carter, 10-13 and Fox. No infringement intended.