Confessions (G)


Mulder shook his head, trying to clear it. Scully? Scully! She was above him, hanging from the seatbelt. The car had rolled at least once, now it was lying on the driverís side.

"Scully?" No response. She was hurt. He reached up, she was cool to the touch. Cool? Oh god. He needed to warm her. Would he hurt her more moving her? He had no choice.

Holding her carefully, he released the seatbelt and gently lowered her to his chest. There was a pulse. Too faint, he was afraid, but there was a pulse.

"Scully, can you hear me?" She had to be okay. She couldnít. . . his mind wouldnít even form the thought. Could he get out, go for help? Heíd have to leave her here, he couldnít keep moving her. How could he leave her alone? No, surely help was on the way. The kids that ran them off the road, they called for help, didnít they?

She wouldnít die on him. She couldnít. He couldnít go on without her. She couldnít go because heíd never told her. . . she needed to know. . .

"Scully, Scully I love you. Please hear me. Please wake up and be okay. I should have told you years ago, not wasted this time, but now you know. Now you wonít leave me. Scully, we have to grow old together. Very, very old. I need you, I wonít grow old without you, I canít. We can have kids, Scully. I havenít told you that either and Iím sorry. I. . . I have your ova, Scully. Iíve been keeping it in a safe place, waiting for the courage to tell you, the courage to let you know how I feel. Please, Scully, this canít be too late."

There was no response and though his fingers could perceive no difference in her pulse, she seemed somehow less substantial in his arms. He pulled her tighter against him.

"Scully I canít lose you. Youíre the only reason I wake up in the morning. You must know that. Thereís no way I could have kept any of this from you. Please tell me youíve always known and you feel the same." He tried to pull her tighter against him. He couldnít get her close enough, he wanted her to become part of him. He realized he was shaking. He was scared, scared to death.

His fingers searched for her pulse again and the world went dark.

*****

Hospital. The smell was unmistakable. What? The car, those kids drag racing. Theyíd gone off the road. The car had rolled, glass had gone everywhere. Oh God!

Mulder! Where was he? Heíd been right here hadnít he? She still felt his arms around her, heard his voice saying he loved her.

She looked up as the door opened, expecting to see his face. A nurse, not Mulder.

"Excuse me, have you seen my partner? Agent Mulder?"

"Dr. Scully, youíre awake. Let me get your doctor."

"Iím fine, I just need to know where Mulder is."

"Youíll want to talk to the doctor. Iíll be right back."

"But. . ." the nurse was out the door. Mulder was right, this was the place to go postal. Why couldnít she have just answered her question? She wanted Mulder; she needed to tell him. . . tell him she loved him too.

The door opened again. "Dr. Scully, Iím Dr. Freeman. Let me do a quick exam, okay?"

"First, please tell me where Agent Mulder is. I need. . . "

"Dr. Scully, youíll have to be patient. They do expect him to live. Theyíve upgraded him to serious, but heís in intensive care and cannot have visitors."

Scully felt as though sheíd been punched in the stomach. Expect him to live? Upgraded to serious? But he had held her, looked after her. Was all that just a dream? Had he not said those words? She could still hear them so clearly. No, it couldnít have been a dream. It had happened.

"Dr. Scully? I want you to lie back." Dr. Freeman had her hand on Scullyís shoulder to keep her from trying to rise from the bed.

"Tell me. . . tell me what happened."

"You were in a very serious car accident. You were knocked unconscious, but your partner took the brunt of the impact and had severe internal injuries. Iím not Mr. Mulderís doctor, but I was told you were found barely in time, another couple of hours and he would have bled to death."

Scully closed her eyes. She would not lose control, he was already better. Where had these memories come from?

"The paramedics on the scene were puzzled." The doctor continued, shaking her head, "Somehow, as injured as he was, it seems he managed to unbuckle you and was holding you against him. Itís what saved his life apparently, the shared body heat, and possibly the compression of the wounds. It didnít hurt you any either, probably kept you from going into shock."

It had happened. He had held her and told her. . . told her that he loved her, that he wanted to grow old with her. No way he was going to get out of it now. Heíd confessed and she had to get to him.

She swung her legs from the bed. "Now wait just a minute, Dr. Scully."

"Iím fine. I need to see Agent Mulder."

"Youíve been unconscious and he is heavily sedated. Neither of you is going anywhere for a while." The doctor actually took a step back from the look in Scullyís eyes.

"I understand your concern." She could sound politically correct, but nothing was going to keep her from seeing Mulder and seeing him now. "However, I am Agent Mulderís private physician and knowing him as well as I do, I know he would recover better with a familiar face when he wakes. I appreciate the care he has been given, however, I will see him now."

Dr. Freeman could have sworn she grew several inches as she stood up from the bed. "I agree that having you near could aid in his recovery. I would suggest that you use a wheelchair due to your own injuries, however."

"That would be fine. Thank you." So they each got to save face. No problem, just get her to Mulder now.

She was practically jumping out of her skin by the time she actually got to the ICU. They had tried every tactic to slow her down, until she finally stood up from the chair and walked away from them to push the button on the elevator. Enough games already. She had to see him for herself, to know he was going to live.

Rather than participate in the debate of having one patient visit another patient in ICU she again left the wheelchair and proceeded to his side. Screw regulations, she had to see him. God, she murmured, he was pale but his vitals looked okay. She settled herself into a chair beside his bed. Dynamite would be needed to remove her from this spot now that she was here.

She had some confessions to make too.