Eyes Open (R)

Scully flipped on the light and let herself in. Where was everyone? She reached for a pair of gloves and moved toward the table. She hated starting the day with an autopsy, but Skinner’s secretary had left a message on her machine that he needed this first thing.

She looked at the body bag and checked the paperwork lying on top. Yes, this was ‘her’ corpse. She flipped on the overhead microphone.

"The victim is a John Doe, white male, late thirties." She reached for the zipper and lowered it, then pulled the bag open.

Her gasp echoed around the room. No! It just looked like . . . no! Her fingers trembled as she touched his face. It couldn’t be. He was cold and . . . and rigor had set in. Her finger outlined his lower lip. It was . . . it was a mask or . . . she pulled the bag the rest of the way open and let her fingers explore his shoulder. There, the small scar, her scar. The scar from when she had shot him.

"No! God, no." She felt the world going black around her. She didn’t feel the impact as she hit the floor.

******

"Scully? Scully, can you hear me? No, don’t try to move. I’m going to call 911." Skinner kept his hand on her shoulder as he reached for his phone.

"Don’t call." She wrenched herself out of his grip. "Why did you do this? Why did you send me here?"

He looked closely at her. She was obviously traumatized and confused. "What are you talking about Scully?"

"You knew it was him. You knew and you didn’t - "

"Scully!" She had started to shake. "Talk to me. What’s going on?"

She forced herself to look back at the table. It was empty. Now she pulled away from him and scrambled to her feet. "What did you do with him! Where is he!" She turned back to Skinner and was pounding on his chest.

"Scully!" He pulled her against him and wrapped his arms around her, to defend himself. "Scully, calm down. Tell me what you’re talking about. I need to get you to an emergency room."

"What did you do with him?" She collapsed against him, now sobbing.

What the hell was going on? "I’m taking you home."

She could barely walk, so he supported her to his car and seated her, buckling her in. She wasn’t making any sense. He needed to get in touch with Mulder. He needed to know she was in this state, but right now Skinner needed to get her home.

When they arrived, she was obviously in shock. Skinner moved around to the passenger door and thought about carrying her. She didn’t weigh anything, but he didn’t want to draw that kind of attention.

He led her to the door and found her keys in her pocket. He opened the door while supporting her with his other arm. She seemed to recognize her surroundings, then suddenly broke from him and bolted to the bathroom. He took several steps after her, then heard her retch. He followed more slowly then. He wet a washcloth at her sink and handed it to her as he helped her to her feet. He glanced back at the couch, but dismissed it. She needed to lie down.

He sat her on the bed and removed her shoes, then lay her back and pulled the blanket from the foot of the bed up over her. He realized she was staring at him, so he sat on the edge of the bed.

"Scully, talk to me. What the hell’s going on?"

"How did he die?"

"Who?"

"Mulder." She was beginning to hyperventilate again. "Why did you send me there like that?"

"Mulder’s dead? What are you . . . I didn’t send you anywhere, I don’t know what you’re talking about."

"Angie. You had Angie leave me a voice mail that you . . . that you wanted me to do an autopsy first thing."

"Scully, I didn’t have Angie call you."

"It was him, in the body bag." She shuddered violently, choking on her sobs.

"What body bag? Scully, I need to get you some help."

"You sent me to autopsy Mulder’s body!"

Skinner drew back, either she had lost her mind, which he doubted, or he needed to get some help.

"Scully, I’m going to get to the bottom on this, but you have to calm down. Just stay right here. I’m going to make you some hot tea and - "

"I don’t want hot tea! Tell me why you did this!"

"Scully, I didn’t. Listen to me. I’ve got to get to the bottom of this. Give me a couple of minutes to make some phone calls."

She was not okay and he was beginning to feel like he was going into shock himself now. She was convinced that Mulder was dead, and that he had set her up.

He hurried to the kitchen, pulling out his cell phone. "Collins, I need you to get over to Mulder’s apartment. See if he’s there, but don’t disturb anything."

"Yes sir. Uh, what am I looking for?"

"Just Mulder. Call me immediately." Skinner broke the connection. He opened a couple of cabinets until he found her mugs, then he filled one with water and stuck it in the microwave. The tea bags were in the canister. He reopened the cabinet where he’d spotted some prescription bottles and pulled some out. Seconal. He glanced toward the bedroom. She needed to relax. He broke open a capsule and dumped it into the hot water, then added the tea bag. She could yell at him later, right now this was for the best. While the tea steeped, he pulled out his phone again.

"Lone Gun - " Frohike started to answer.

"It’s Walter Skinner. When did you last see Mulder?"

"Mulder? Week, week and a half. Why?"

"When did you last talk to him?"

"Couple of days, what’s wrong Skinner?"

"How soon can you get to Scully’s?"

"We’re on our way."

"Thanks." Skinner hung up and took the tea in to Scully.

She was staring at the ceiling, seemingly unaware of the tears running into her hair.

He placed the mug on the bedside table and helped her sit up. "Drink this." He placed the tea in her hands.

"I don’t - "

"Drink it Scully. We need to talk and you have to be calm."

She stared at him for a long moment, then took a sip.

"Keep drinking and let me talk. Scully, I didn’t call you. I didn’t have Angie call you. I was over at Quantico to review new recruits. I saw your name on the schedule to do an autopsy, so I headed down to see what was going on. I didn’t know what case you were working on. I found you on the floor of the morgue. There was no body in the room, just you."

Her eyes narrowed, but she didn’t interrupt him.

"I’ve sent an agent over to Mulder’s apartment - "

"No! I should be the one."

"Scully, he has instructions not to touch anything. But I couldn’t let you go in first."

"It was him. I did the exam."

"There was no body, Scully." He tipped the cup toward her lips again.

"There was. In a body bag, marked as a John Doe."

"Did anyone else see it?"

She glared at him, but then closed her eyes to concentrate. "No. He was already there on the . . . on the table when I arrived. I didn’t see a tech. There was no one there, but the message said it was urgent, so I got started. The body . . . Sir, where is his body?"

"I’m going to find out what’s going on."

"We need to go now!"

"No Scully. You’re staying here."

"I have to - "

"No." He pushed her back down. "I need you to stay here. Something’s going on, I need to know you’re here and safe."

"I need - " The doorbell interrupted her.

"Stay here." Skinner rose from the bed and drew his gun. He hurried to the living room and checked the peephole. Her three friends were in the hall.

Skinner opened the door, "Thank you for hurrying."

"What’s going on?" Byers asked as they entered and Skinner shut the door behind them.

"You called the guys?" Scully spoke from the far side of the room, then gripped the doorframe to stay on her feet. Skinner moved first before she could collapse. The three men followed him into the bedroom as he carried Scully.

Frohike moved ahead and pulled the covers down. Skinner lay her gently down and she struggled to keep her eyes open.

"Scully, let me brief them. Finish your tea." He handed the cup back to her. She looked deep into her eyes and another tear slipped down her cheek. The three men exchanged looks, but kept quiet. Whatever it was, it was bad.

Skinner took the mug as it tilted. "Just relax. We’ll be in the next room."

She tried to protest, but she slipped under. Skinner motioned for them to leave and followed them out, pulling the door not quite closed.

"What’s wrong with her?" Frohike was in his face now and getting angry.

"I slipped her something to make her sleep."

"You what?" Now Byers moved closer.

"Have a seat. I’ll bring you up to date."

Frohike’s eyes narrowed, but they all sat and Skinner began talking.

*****

"So you never saw this body?" Byers asked.

Skinner shook his head. "She was the only one there and she was unconscious on the floor. I’ve sent a man over to Mulder’s apartment. I haven’t heard from him yet. Think you could lift a message off of her machine? I checked, she erased it, but I didn’t tell Angie to call her. I want to know what’s happening."

Frohike stood and picked up the answering machine. "I might be able to get something. I’ll need to take it back to the apartment."

Skinner’s cell phone rang then. He grabbed it from his pocket. "Skinner."

"Sir, it’s Collins. Agent Mulder is not at his apartment."

"Does it look like there was a struggle?"

"No sir, unless they threw socks at each other."

Skinner managed a grim smile. "Don’t touch anything. I’ll meet you there." He hung up and turned to Byers. "I need to get over there. Can one of you stay with her?"

"I need to work on this. I’ll need Byers. Langly, you stay."

"Me?" Langly looked up startled.

"She’ll probably sleep until I can get back." Skinner reassured him. "Just be here." He turned toward the door. Frohike and Byers followed him.

"Uh, yeah okay. Listen, hurry." Langly stood looking uncomfortable. Once the door was closed, he glanced back at her room. He could do this, she was asleep anyway.

Langly glanced around her living room and then moved toward her computer. He could get on-line at least.

He was checking out a new game when he heard her stir in the other room. He hesitated, maybe she needed something. Langly moved to the door and stopped, then drew a deep breath. He pushed the door open and saw her, restless in the bed, and crying in her sleep. He glanced back at the front door as though begging for rescue, then moved closer to her bed.

Her eyes opened and she looked confused. "Langly?" She sat up.

"Uh, yeah. The others, they’ve gone to see about things."

Memory hit her then and she moaned, burying her face in her hands. Langly moved closer to the bed. What the hell should he do? He patted her on the shoulder and she turned to him, seeking human contact, comfort. He found himself sitting on the edge of the bed, his arms around her, holding her awkwardly. "It’s okay Scully. We’ll figure this out."

"Figure what out? And what the fuck are you doing in Scully’s bedroom?" The angry voice of Fox Mulder nearly made Langly cry out. Instead he jumped to his feet, putting distance between himself and Scully.

Scully was moving too. She launched herself into Mulder’s arms causing him to take a step or two back, but holding her tightly. She was pulling his shirt from his belt and then unbuttoning it. "Hey, Scully. Not in front of company." She ignored his feeble attempt at humor, her fingers outlining the old bullet wound in his shoulder.

"Mulder?" Her voice trembled and he realized she was even more pale than Langly and he was supporting her as she slipped toward the floor. Without thought he lifted her into his arms and carried her back to the bed. He ended up sitting there with her against his chest as her color returned and her grip tightened.

His own hold of her tightened as well and he kissed her forehead, then looked up at Langly, who retreated another step.

"You want to explain to me why you were in bed with Scully." It wasn’t a question and Langly wondered what it would feel like to be shot at this close range.

"Nothing, Mulder nothing happened. She was having a nightmare or something and I came in to check on her."

"Why are you here in Scully’s apartment in the first place?" He spoke quietly in deference to the woman in his arms, but the menace had not left his voice.

"Listen, uh, let me get the others back over here and - "

"Back?"

"It’s a complicated story. Mulder, you know I’d never . . ."

Mulder looked down at the woman dozing now in his arms. "Get everyone here."

Langly nodded and lost no time getting away from the larger man’s gaze. He grabbed up the phone and dialed home. Before Byers could speak, Langly was talking. "Get back over here."

"What’s wrong?"

"Everyone’s here. Find Skinner and come join the party."

"On our way." Byers hung up and started dialing.

*****

Skinner beat the other two to the apartment by a couple of minutes. Langly let him in and motioned for him to look in the bedroom. Mulder glanced up when Skinner opened the door. He nodded to him and eased Scully down in the bed.

He pulled the door to and joined the other men, now joined by Byers and Frohike, in the living room. "What the hell is - "

"Mulder. I’d like to see a little ID." Skinner had his hand on his gun.

"You what?" Mulder stared at him, eyes narrowed. When Skinner didn’t back down, Mulder reached for his wallet. Skinner pulled his gun out of the holster.

"Not that. I want to see your blood."

"My blood?"

"Yeah, I want to make sure it’s red."

Mulder’s eyes widened, but then he nodded. He moved to the desk and picked up her scissors. He stabbed his thumb and squeezed until a drop of blood appeared. It was bright red.

Skinner looked him in the eye and nodded.

"What’s wrong with Scully? She’s acting as though she were drugged."

"She is." Skinner admitted.

"What?"

"She fell apart. I had to get her to calm down. I slipped something into her tea to knock her out."

After a moment Mulder nodded. "You want to tell me what’s going on?"

"I think I’d better. Have a seat."

*****

Mulder closed his eyes and let his head fall back.

Frohike looked over at him. "It wasn’t Angie on the recorder. It did sound like her to the naked ear, but it couldn’t fool the machine. They wanted to get her out and early. I’m surprised no one contacted you."

Mulder turned to stare at him. "They did."

"What?"

"I got a phone call early this morning. I was supposed to interview someone first thing. Since I was up, I went in early, before the interview. It was a good thing, there was a huge wreck about the time I would have been there . . . "

His voice trailed off and he looked at Skinner.

Skinner met his eyes, "What kind of wreck?"

"Kind of strange according to the radio. A semi took out a car. Witnesses said it almost looked deliberate."

"Makes me wonder what the car looked like."

"Me too." Mulder agreed.

Skinner pulled out his cell phone and dialed, moving to the other side of the room.

"I guess you’re off the hook for being in Scully’s bed." Mulder looked over at Langly.

"Do what!" Frohike’s head shot up.

Mulder grinned; let Langly explain that one. He turned back to Skinner as the man slipped his phone back into his pocket.

"The car was a blue Taurus, just like yours. The driver got away, just leaving his truck behind. Of course the truck turned out to be stolen."

"I’ll bet no fingerprints are going to be found."

Skinner nodded. "We need to get the two of you out of sight for a little while. I can arrange a safe house."

"I don’t want the Bureau involved."

Skinner nodded, "I can work it that way. I know a place."

After a moment Mulder nodded. "I’ll pack a few things for her. I don’t want anyone to see us leaving here."

Skinner nodded. "Can one of you guys get his car out of sight?"

Byers nodded, "No problem."

"Okay. I’ll pull my car around back. Mulder, you bring her out."

"We’ll get out of here." Byers spoke again, "Let us know what you need. Whatever you need." He looked at Mulder, who nodded.

The three let themselves out and Skinner turned to Mulder. "Go get her things together. I need to make some calls."

Mulder nodded and returned to her room. He turned when Skinner tapped lightly on the door. "I’m going to move the car; things okay in here?"

"She’s still out; how much did you give her?"

"One capsule, I think this is trauma."

Mulder nodded and looked back over at her. Skinner clapped his shoulder and headed for his car.

It was about ten minutes later that Mulder heard the knock at the back door. "I was beginning to think you’d forgotten us."

"I drove around a little; made sure I was alone."

Mulder nodded and handed him the suitcase. "I’ll get her." She was still asleep and barely stirred as he lifted her into his arms. He laid her carefully in the backseat of Skinner’s car. He let himself into the front.

"You might want to stay low."

Mulder glanced into the back seat and then scrunched down to stay out of sight. "You want to tell me where you’re taking us?"

"I own a condo in Virginia. I’m taking you there."

"Condo? You have a secret life?"

"Not exactly. It was Sharon’s." He shrugged, "I just didn’t want to sell it. I lease it to a professor from Italy, but he’s on sabbatical for a couple of months, back in Italy. The place is empty, there’s probably no food, but I can take care of that."

"We, uh, we appreciate it."

"Not a problem. Oh, there’s only one bedroom, but the couch - "

"That’s not a problem either."

Skinner looked over at him, something about his tone. So, that line had been crossed. He hadn’t been aware of it, but he wasn’t really surprised. If anything, he would have thought it had been crossed years ago. No wonder she had been so devastated.

They drove for a little over an hour, then he pulled into a nice looking development. He took the second street to the right, then the first left. He pulled up to a brick building and parked.

Mulder looked around, then let himself out and opened the back door. "Scully? Can you hear me?"

She murmured something, but seemed in no hurry to wake up. He looked up at Skinner and gave him a small smile. "She’s just too lazy to walk."

Skinner chuckled. He took her suitcase out of the trunk and led them inside. If anyone was around, they were watching from the windows. The lack of cars at this time of day made that unlikely as well.

He opened the door and let Mulder carry Scully inside. He pointed to the bedroom and followed Mulder in. Skinner set the suitcase down, then headed for the kitchen.

In a few minutes Mulder joined him. "I was right, not much in the way of food. I can pretty much guess what you like to eat, what about her?"

"Rabbit food, yogurt, none of the good stuff."

"Right. I’ll be back in a little while. Don’t use your cell phone. You’re dead, remember?"

Mulder nodded. Skinner handed him the key off of his key ring, then let himself out.

Mulder returned to the bedroom. He toed off his shoes and stretched out beside her. "Scully? I need you to wake up."

She shook her head, murmuring in protest. "Come on, it’s me."

At that her eyes flew open. "Mulder?"

"Yeah." He smiled down at her.

"I had the weirdest dream. You were . . . Oh my god. It wasn’t . . . it wasn’t a dream."

He shook his head. "It wasn’t, but we don’t know what’s going on yet."

She looked around the room then, "Where, where are we?"

"A safe house Skinner arranged."

"Safe house." She closed her eyes.

"Scully?"

She took a deep breath. "I . . . I can’t do this anymore."

"What?"

"Did Skinner tell you what happened? Did he tell you what I saw?"

"He told me what he knew."

"It was you Mulder. I opened that body bag and it was you. Your scars, your wounds, your . . ." She swallowed, "your lips. I can’t. I can’t do this any more."

"Scully it wasn’t me. I can show you my blood too."

"What?"

"I had to prove to Skinner that I was human. That man is finally catching on." He grinned at Scully.

She didn’t smile back. Instead she rose from the bed. She staggered slightly and he moved to catch her but she evaded him and moved into the bathroom. His brow furrowed as he watched her disappear. She wasn’t okay.

He heard the doorbell then and went to check. It was Skinner, with the groceries.

"Is she awake yet?"

"Yeah, she’s in the bathroom."

"Is she okay?"

"I’m not sure."

"I better get out of here. She’ll be better with you. Call my cell if you need anything. I’m thinking a couple of days until your friends and I find out anything, maybe longer."

Mulder nodded. "Is there a computer here?"

"Uh, yeah I think so."

"I’ll set up an account and email you. We need to know what you know."

Skinner nodded. "This stuff should tide you over until I can get back down here."

"Listen, thanks."

"Yeah. Mulder, I’ve never seen her so freaked. She needs some time."

"Yeah, I know." He glanced back over at the bedroom.

Skinner watched him for a second, then turned toward the door. "I’ll call you tomorrow." He let himself out and Mulder moved to lock the door behind him. Then he turned toward the bedroom. He realized she had gotten in the shower, so he tapped on the door, let himself in and stripped so that he could join her.

She had her back to him and his hands automatically went to her shoulders to massage them. He couldn’t remember them ever being tighter. "Scully, it’ll be okay."

She didn’t speak, just turned toward him and he pulled her against his chest. She settled in as though listening to his heartbeat. They held each other until the water cooled, then he dried them off and carried her back to the bed.

*****

She lay there feeling his weight partially atop her, listening to his breathing return toward normal. After a couple of minutes his eyes opened to look at her. He immediately started to rise from her body but she held him in place.

"Scully, did I hurt you?"

She shook her head.

"That would be easier to believe without the tears."

She brushed her hand across her face, faintly surprised to find it wet.

"Scully, it wasn’t me."

"This time."

"Scully - "

"I can’t do this anymore Mulder. Los Angeles called me again. I think I’ll take it."

"Again? Take what?"

"The coroner’s office wants me to head their forensics unit."

"They’ve called before?" She looked at him but didn’t speak. "What, uh, what did you tell them before?"

"What I tell everyone who calls. That I’m not interested."

"But now?"

"Now I think I am. Los Angeles could be nice. I have family there."

"Family? You mean Bill?"

"He is my brother. He’ll be happy to - "

"Happy? He’d be fucking delighted that you’d left me."

"Left you?"

"Yes me. We’re together now, Scully. Closer than we’ve ever been."

"Maybe that was a mistake." She looked away. His nude body was not where she could look right now.

"Mistake? The mistake was in waiting as long as we did."

"Mulder - "

"I love you."

"Mulder - "

"Wait. I love you, Scully, but I’m also in love with you."

"In . . . no. You’re in love with the X-Files."

"Fuck the X-Files, Scully. Fuck the Bureau. You’re the only thing that matters." He had hold of her shoulders now.

"You said that to me once about Samantha."

"And I meant it then. I didn’t know you, I never . . . it never occurred to me that anyone could be what you are to me."

"Mulder, you don’t have to say - "

"Do you remember that I was willing to sacrifice Samantha to get you back?"

She couldn’t meet his eyes. She hadn’t realized at the time who he had brought for the exchange.

"Listen, Scully. We have several days alone here with nothing to do. We have time to talk this out."

She moved away from him in the bed, but didn’t respond.

"Scully, how many times have you gotten calls like this, to come work somewhere else?"

"I get them several times a year."

"Why did you never say anything?"

"Because I wasn’t looking to leave the Bureau." She rose from the bed then and checked her suitcase to see what he had packed. She pulled her robe from the suitcase.

"Scully I know what you saw today upset you and - "

"Upset me? Upset? Is that what you want to call it? I touched your dead body. Hell, I examined your dead body. You think I can do that again? You think I can - "

"No. No, Scully, I don’t want you to ever even see my dead body. That’s not what I . . . Scully, don’t just walk away from me, from us. We have some time, we have time to deal with this, to make some decisions, together."

She shook her head and left the bedroom. He followed her immediately.

"Mulder, put some clothes on."

He glanced down; he hadn’t even realized. "I’ll, uh, I’ll be right back." He returned the bedroom and pulled back on his slacks, then hurried to the kitchen.

She was making herself a turkey sandwich from the food the Skinner had brought. "Would you like a sandwich?" She wouldn’t look up at him.

"No, I’m not exactly hungry. Scully, I’m sorry this happened. If I could have prevented it . . . "

"I know that, Mulder. I’m not blaming you - "

"You’re just punishing me."

Now she did look up at him, "Is that what you think? That wanting to leave is a punishment for you? You can’t see it as freedom for me?"

"Freedom from me?"

She stared at him then. "Scully?"

She put the sandwich down. "I don’t think I’m hungry after all. If you don’t mind, I think I’ll go lie down again. I need some time alone."

"Scully, I’m sorry."

"Don’t apologize. This isn’t just about you. I need some time; I need to think."

He took hold of her hand, but she slipped out of his fingers. "Why don’t you . . . I just need a little time alone. Please?"

"Uh, sure. I’ll be out here."

She nodded and he watched her leave the room, feeling as lost as when he was twelve years old and . . . and his life had been turned upside down the first time.

When she emerged about forty-five minutes later she spotted him sitting on the couch, staring at the blank TV screen. She sat at the far end of the couch herself. He didn’t look over.

"Did Skinner drug me?"

He nodded.

"What was it?"

"Seconal."

She nodded then. "That explains some things." She sighed and looked over at him again. "Aren’t you cold?" He was still in just his slacks.

He shrugged and she reached over to touch him. "Mulder, you’re freezing." She moved next to him and put her arms around him.

He reciprocated, pulling her close.

"Mulder, I’m sorry - "

"Don’t apologize for telling the truth, Scully."

"The truth is, I don’t want to leave you. I don’t know what I want."

"Then maybe California would be a good idea. Fresh start, new surroundings."

"Would you come?"

"To live with Bill?" He managed a grin then and she smiled up at him.

"No, with me."

"I don’t have a job offer waiting for me there. You’ll be making a lot of money; want to ‘keep’ me?"

"I knew if I hung around six or seven years you’d finally come up with a good idea." She grinned at him.

He chuckled at that and pulled her closer. "Yeah once every decade or so . . ." He sobered then, "You should go to California. See how you like it."

"Alone?"

"Well, at first anyway. I thought that’s what you wanted."

Instead of answering she rose from the couch. "I’m hungry. Did you eat my sandwich?"

"No, it’s in the refrigerator." He looked up at her, "I wrapped it."

She managed a smile then, "That’s not what I want anyway. What else did Skinner buy?"

"Lots of stuff." He followed her into the kitchen area.

"How about spaghetti?"

"Sounds good."

They fixed dinner together, in silence, but occasionally touching one another.

When they were finally seated, Mulder looked over at her, "How many of these job offers have you gotten?"

She hesitated, as though wondering if she should get into this, but sighed, "Six."

"Six?" His eyes widened. "Shit, Scully, I have been holding you back."

"Mulder, you have not held me back. If it weren’t for you I wouldn’t have received any calls."

"Excuse me?"

"Come on, Mulder, if I’d stayed in medicine or even teaching at the academy, no one would ever have heard of me or wanted me. You’re the reason I’m marketable. You’ve taught me and toughened me. I’m who I am because of you."

"That’s a good thing?"

"You’ll have to ask yourself that, you’re the one sleeping with me."

He gave her a sad smile, "I love who you are, but you’ve got the rest all backwards."

"How so?"

"You’re the reason the X-Files are legit now, you’re the reason that I have a job, you’re . . . you’re the reason the sun comes up in the morning."

She touched his hand, lying on the table and swallowed.

He cleared his throat, "Tell me about these offers. Where are they?"

"All over. Atlanta, Walter Reed, Spokane, Chicago."

"Damn." He looked down at his meal, anywhere but at her for a moment. "You never said anything."

"There was nothing to say. I wasn’t interested and that’s what I told them."

"Maybe you should have been."

"You’re just trying to get rid of someone who’s always second guessing you." She gave him a small smile.

"That’s it, you’ve been a major pain for years."

"I’ve been a pain?"

"What would you call six years of blue balls?"

That startled a laugh from her. "I’ll only take blame for half of that, Mulder. You could have made the first move instead of sitting around watching videos and waiting for me to ask for a cup of sperm."

"What? And appear anxious?"

She shook her head as she rolled her eyes.

"Seriously, Scully, I think you should take the job."

"You really want me to move to California?" She was truly sorry she had ever opened her mouth about any offer.

He took a deep breath, "It would be the best move for you."

"Do . . . do we have to make this decision right now?"

"Uh, no. Looks like we’re gonna be here for a few days. We can, you know, think about it."

She nodded and returned to her meal. He rose and headed for the kitchen. She stiffened; did he not even want to be in the room with her? He returned quickly with a bottle of wine and two glasses. She closed her eyes in relief.

"I thought maybe . . ." He gestured to the bottle.

"Yes, thank you." She took the glass he offered. "Could we talk about something else?"

"Uh sure, you pick."

She tried to smile, then took a sip of wine. She looked down, "Have you ever thought about leaving?"

He sighed, they weren’t going to get away from this. "Constantly."

"No, really, Mulder."

"Really. If they hadn’t given you to me I’d have been gone a long time ago."

"Given?" She looked up at him.

He smiled, "Given. It hasn’t been that way for you, but having you at my side has been the best gift I’ve ever had. In answer to your question, yes. Sometimes I feel like I could do a lot more outside the Bureau. If I didn’t have them fighting me at every step . . . "

"Could you make a living at it?"

"Not as well as I do now. Ghost busting isn’t really lucrative."

"What about writing, lecturing?"

He shrugged. "I’m not sure who would pay me for anything like that."

"Come on, Mulder, you’re famous in the paranormal field. Didn’t Max follow our cases through the freedom of information act?"

"Yeah, but if the people who know about me keep getting abducted, there wouldn’t be enough to attend a lecture."

She chuckled at that. "Good point." Rather than pursue it, she finished her meal and took her plate into the kitchen. She began cleaning up. He came up behind her, "Why don’t I finish up in here. You’ve had a pretty stressful day. You can pick the movie."

"Steel Magnolias?"

He grimaced, but didn’t speak. She moved out of the way and let him fill the dishwasher. He was right about one thing, she was still shaky.

The sight of Mulder’s body on that table was still with her. It wasn’t true; Mulder was here and safe. She shuddered, unaware that he had come out of the kitchen and could see her. She wrapped her arms around herself; she wasn’t cold physically, but . . .

He wanted to move to her side and hold her and make it better. The question was, would being close to her be a good thing? He should get her to leave him. That really would be better for her. He had no doubt about it.

It didn’t have to be forever. She could go out to LA, see if she liked the job. If she did, and she still wanted him, then he could look for a job and . . . and live near Bill. Yippee.

She turned and saw him watching her. He managed to smile, "Find a movie?"

"I forgot."

"You’re not really in the mood, are you?"

She shook her head. "Too much on my mind."

"Okay." He joined her on the couch. "Lay it all out, make a list."

"A list?"

"Yeah. What are the issues, let’s just . . . You have this good opportunity for a fresh start in a new place where no one’s even heard of the X-Files. This could be a great opportunity, just what you need. It puts you back in medicine, but you’d still be in law enforcement part time, if you’re doing forensics."

"And leave you."

"A little while ago you said you couldn’t do this anymore. You didn’t want to have to live like this."

"I was upset, I didn’t mean . . . "

"What did you mean, Scully?"

She sighed, "I don’t know, but I don’t want to be without you. That’s what I thought I was facing this morning - the rest of my life without you. I was . . . Mulder, I couldn’t."

"It wasn’t me, Scully."

"But if you ask me to leave, to move across the country without you, what’s different? I’d still be without you."

"But this wouldn’t be forever."

"You’d come? You’d quit the Bureau and move to LA too?" She shook her head, "No, you wouldn’t."

"Scully, I - "

"You’d say you’d come. You’d say that to get me to leave. But then you’d decide that I was better off without you. Hell, you’re already thinking it and you’re doing this now to . . . to protect me, to get me out of the way."

He gave her a little grin. "Who me?"

She shook her head and he lost his smile as a tear escaped her eye.

"Scully." He brushed the tear from her cheek. "Is it wrong for me to want to protect you? To keep you from things like this morning?"

"I don’t want protection, Mulder, I want . . . "

"What?"

"I want you." She said it low, fearfully.

His eyes widened slightly and he pulled her against him.

"Don’t you understand, Mulder? Don’t you believe me?"

"Scully, it’s hard for me. You’re the only one who ever has and you’re in danger because of it. How do I reconcile that?"

"Do you want to be with me?"

He looked her straight in the eye. "More than anything. But Scully, if my being with you hurts you, I can’t do it."

She closed her eyes and turned away. After a moment she rose.

"Scully, don’t."

"It’s an impasse, Mulder. You don’t want me to be with you and I don’t want to be without you. Simple, isn’t it?" She turned from him then and the movement panicked him.

"Scully!"

She looked back startled. He just stared at her and after a moment she continued on to the bedroom. He took a deep shuddering breath - everyone would have been better off if they’d never met.

He sank down onto the couch and threw his arm over his eyes.

*****

He made his way wearily to Skinner’s office. What would his punishment be this time? Not that he really cared.

"Mulder, have a seat."

He did, without comment.

"You know this last ‘case’ was a bigger fiasco than usual, Mulder. I can’t protect you, I can’t sanction you any more."

His thought was, ‘when have you ever?’, but he still retained enough self-preservation to stay silent.

"Mulder?"

"So what happens now?"

"You have a choice, you can return to the VCS or . . . or you can resign."

He wasn’t even surprised, unless maybe that he had lasted this long.

"When do you need my decision?"

Skinner sighed, "Friday."

Mulder nodded and rose, not waiting for dismissal, and returned to the basement. He sank into his chair, not seeing the chaos around him. They thought they’d indulged his childish fantasies long enough. He was never going to find Samantha; he was never going to know the truth. They’d given him two choices - resignation or return to the joy of crawling through the filthy sick minds of evil men. There was a third choice.

They would separate him from his access; they would probably destroy the little evidence he had accumulated. He’d never gotten the scientific proof he’d needed; now he never would. There was no reason to try any more. Fortunately, there was no one to miss him either.

He pulled his gun from the holster and looked at it for a long moment, then he took a deep breath, placed the barrel against his temple and without hesitation, pulled the trigger.

*****

"Mulder. Mulder wake up. Wake up, I’m right here. It’s Scully. Mulder open your eyes."

He forced his eyes open to see her leaning over him, and he clasped her to him.

"Mulder, it’s okay. It was just a dream."

He shook his head, not a dream, a vision - what would have happened. God, how bleak. There had been nothing, no reason whatsoever to live.

She held him, and when he began to calm down, brushed his hair back. "Mulder, was it the abduction dream?"

He shook his head, and held her tight. She stroked his shoulders, "Tell me what it was."

He shuddered, "I’d never met you. You weren’t in my life."

"I’m here, Mulder."

"But you weren’t. They shut down the X-Files. Without you . . . without you they never became legitimate. So I . . . "

"Mulder?"

"I went down to the office and I put my service revolver to my head."

Her arms tightened convulsively. "No, Mulder."

He gave a harsh chuckle. "I think we’ve both had our eyes opened today. You saw what your life would be without me and I saw what my life would be without you." He shuddered slightly. "It was so damn bleak." He took a deep breath. "I don’t want you to go, or I want you to, but only if I come too. Just so we’re together."

The relief made her weak. After a moment she nodded, "Come to bed, Mulder. We’re together. We can make plans in the morning."

He closed his eyes for an instant. They were together and they both understood what that meant now.