{I have loved you for so long}
{And I you}
Mulder was the first to realize that the conversation they had been having was non-verbal. "We’re closer than I thought."
"What do you mean?"
{We’re communicating in…other ways}
"You’re better than I thought you were." She answered with a shaky laugh.
"I’d love to take credit for it, but reality demands that I admit, I’m not that good."
{Like hell} "Mulder, are you blushing?"
"In all my years, working with the things I work with, I have never had a weirder 24 hours. What the hell is going on?"
"I have to face this, I know." She took a deep breath. "Okay, nine weeks ago, where were we?"
"Nine, I thought you said seven?"
"Conception could have occurred eight to ten weeks ago. Ovulation is not the kind of thing I’ve kept close track of." She had assumed the doctor’s persona that he was used to, especially during autopsies.
"That would put us in Oregon, remember those kids that kept disappearing?"
"Yes and I remember the motel we stayed in, it was made out of cardboard, no one could have kidnapped us from there without alerting the entire population of the town."
"Yeah, I remember the place. I could hear you snoring all night."
"I do not snore." She was concentrating, trying to remember every detail of the trip. "Oh!" {Nightgown}
"What? What do you mean, nightgown?"
"It was so stupid. I didn’t even mention it to you. When I woke up the third morning, I was nude."
{Wish I had been there}
{Me too, but stop that}
"Okay, I have to ask, is this unusual?"
"Completely. I never sleep nude when we’re in the field."
"So you got hot during the night and took it off."
"And never saw it again."
"And you didn’t think that was worth mentioning?"
"Okay, I was wrong. But I didn’t know how to bring it up. You would have thought I was crazy. Did you notice anything?"
"Well I can’t remember clearly if I was nude that morning or not, but it wouldn’t be that unusual."
"Really?" He flashed a wicked grin at her. "Maybe if we got dressed we could concentrate more on the situation here."
"I’m concentrating fine." He ran his hand along her thigh.
"Mulder."
"Okay, okay. We were in Oregon, the kids would vanish in the night from their rooms and be returned two to three days later, apparently unharmed and unaware. We need to find out if any of them are pregnant."
"At least two of the girls hadn’t started menses, they were too young.
We didn’t check internally for sexual abuse because they remembered none, none was
obvious and they were so young we didn’t want to cause any. "
"So they abducted a woman."
"Abducted? Mulder I will not entertain any reference to aliens. This is not a tabloid situation and I am not carrying an extraterrestrial child. Don’t even joke about that."
"Let me just state my theory."
"Not if it includes aliens."
"Scully, I’m not stating fact, only a hypothesis."
"Is this supposed to be helping me cope?" He looked startled for a second, then shook his head.
"I’m sorry. I was thinking like an investigator, not. . ."
"Oh, go ahead with your damn theory, that way I can at least begin to poke holes in it."
"Are you sure?"
"Regardless of your theory, I’m pregnant from unknown origins." She shuddered, "I’ve been pushing that away all morning. My god, Mulder, I’m having a baby!" He held her close.
"You’re not alone, Scully. I’m not going to leave you alone." She nodded and took a deep breath.
"Go ahead."
He looked deep into her eyes and she nodded once again. "Okay, we were abducted, by whomever. They wanted to impregnate a female; you were there and ovulating. That explains why you, but why me." He held up a finger. "Wait, what if they needed additional human DNA. That’s the only reason for also abducting a male if their purpose was to procreate. The kids were all taken two at a time, one male and one female, we commented on that in our report."
"So now it’s your baby I’m carrying."
"Well, yes." Scully shook her head. "What?"
"I guess I’ve just never seen a man try to get into this position before. The opposite direction is so much more common."
"Not for me. That’s not the kind of man I am. My responsibilities are important to me."
She glanced up, seeing quite clearly the pain she had caused with her casual comment. "Mulder, I’m sorry. I. . .I didn’t want you to think I was. . .that I expected. . ."
"It is my baby, Scully. I know it."
"How? How could you possibly know such a thing?"
"I don’t have a clue, but I’ve never been more certain about anything in my life."
She absorbed that comment quietly, then asked, "But who, or what else is also involved, Mulder? I mean if someone wanted me pregnant, if that was the purpose behind taking us, there are simpler ways."
"Not if you’re not from around here, maybe."
"Oh come on, Mulder. Don’t go with the aliens, there has to be an earthly explanation. There are so many holes in what you’ve said that I don’t know where to start."
"It could explain some other things too. I hate to admit this but I wasn’t a virgin this morning. And no matter what else I’ve done, or how good it might have felt at the time I have never developed a telepathic link with the other person before." He flashed her an image of herself, as he saw her.
Her blush was deep; she’d never looked like that. She wouldn’t know how.
Suddenly he remembered. The test, the pregnancy test, he certainly wasn’t familiar with them but that color. . .
Before she could react he was out of the bed and rushing into the living room. When he came back in he was holding the small plastic stick from the pregnancy test.
"Is this the normal color blue?"
She stared at it and went a little pale. "No."
"I didn’t think of it last night, we were both so. . . Are you okay?"
"Those tests are standardized, I worked with some of them in school. There’s nothing that could make it that color. I. . ." The true horror of the situation slammed into her again. "Get another test." She said in a strangled voice. "Please, now, go get another test!"
"Is it okay to leave you?"
"I’ll be fine. Please go now." He was already dressing.
"I will be right back. Please don’t get up, I want you to just stay there. Promise me."
She nodded, her mind whirling. He looked at her a moment longer and left.
He was back in record time, with four different pregnancy tests. She was dressed and waiting in the living room. "I thought you were going to stay in bed."
"I couldn’t just lie there. I had to do something. Four?"
"Yes, and remind me never to show my face in that pharmacy on 7th again." He got a wan smile out of her. "Are you feeling okay?"
"Yes. You’re the one with the morning sickness, remember?"
"I wanted to ask you if that was common?"
"What?"
"It was one of the first things the doctor asked me, after I described my symptoms, could my wife be pregnant."
"What did you tell him?"
"That I wasn’t married. Didn’t care much for the look he gave me."
"Common may be a little too much, but yes, it happens, especially when the couple are very close or. . ."
"Like us?"
"I’d say there aren’t many couples like us out there." She held out her hand for the package and it was trembling.
"Scully, you don’t have to do this now."
"Why wait, I’ll just be more pregnant. The sooner I can make a decision the better." She avoided looking at him.
"What kind of decision?" She shook her head, took the bag, and walked out of the room without another word. He slumped down on the couch and ran his hand through his hair. "Shit."
When she returned, she had the four test strips lined up on a tray. She handed the tray to Mulder and went on into the other room. He sat the offending tray on the coffee table and followed her into the kitchen where she was rearranging a drawer.
"Want to talk about it?"
"Nope."
"Well, I have to say something. We talked about the. . . the baby possibly being mine. Regardless, no matter what we find out, the decision you need to make is yours. I don’t want to influence you and whatever your decision, I support you 100%. If you cannot face continuing this pregnancy, then you can’t face it. I only ask that you let me be with you, take you wherever you need to go, and hold your hand while you need it held." He pulled her face up to where she was facing him and wiped a tear from her cheek. "Did you hear me?"
She nodded.
"I’m going to check the tests. Want to come?"
"Not yet." She whispered. He squeezed her hand and went back to the living room. When she heard his sigh she closed her eyes, then closed the drawer she had been working in, squared her shoulders and followed him. The tests laid out on the tray were bright with inhuman colors. Every one had reacted and overreacted to whatever chemicals were flowing through her body.
They stood there staring at the small strips of plastic that had control of their lives. Scully sank onto the couch as Mulder grabbed her elbow.
"I’m okay." He watched her, that was certainly a lie, but how could he call her on it. He sat beside her.
Finally he said, "I want to have these analyzed."
"Not at the Bureau lab!"
"No, I was thinking about our friends."
She closed her eyes and nodded. "They can’t know it’s me. I don’t want anyone to know about this. Please! You are the only one that can know." He nodded. "If it is something that can’t be explained. . ."
"No one’s going to know, I swear." They sat with their arms around each other silently for a short time. "I guess we’re blowing off work today, it’s almost lunch time anyway."
"I can’t face it today. Is there anything urgent, your phone call last night?"
"I’d forgotten about that. It’s not important."
"It was yesterday."
"I’ve put it in perspective today."
"I want you to take these on over to the guys."
"Now?"
She nodded, "We need the results as soon as possible."
"I don’t want to leave you."
"Nothing’s going to happen and maybe I need to be alone for a little while."
He took a deep breath, "All right, I’ll go. You’ll call me if you need anything?"
{Better than that, I’ll just think at you} He tried to smile and nodded. She went into the kitchen and found five plastic bags to keep the tests separated and packed them for him.
"You sure you’ll be all right?" She nodded. He bent down and kissed her gently, a promise of things to come. "I’ll bring dinner, don’t know how long this is going to take."
"You don’t have to. . ." then she looked into his face and acquiesced. "I’ll see you then."
{Or sooner if you need me}
{I promise}
When he returned, carrying Chinese, he had little more information than when he had left, but lots more questions. As she put dinner out, he tried to explain what tests his friends had run. "The end result is there are amino acids there they couldn’t place, there were chemicals they couldn’t analyze. They’re sending their findings on to another friend who is more familiar with this. They want to do some DNA matching. Oh, they think I’m hiding this case from you because you wouldn’t believe me anyway."
"Do you do that?"
"No, but they seemed to believe me."
{Really?}
{I swear, but you’re different from all my other partners}
{In what way?}
{You mean besides being sexier?}
"Mulder."
"Sorry. You know it’s different, no one else even bothered to listened to my theories, unless I made them so mainstream they weren’t recognizable. I don’t have to bullshit you to make you listen. You don’t usually believe, but at least you give me a hearing. And you don’t call me "Spooky", at least to my face."
"Don’t ever call yourself that." She said quietly
"I mean, think about it, who’d want to have a baby fathered by Spooky Mulder."
"Stop it!" He looked up startled.
"I was just kidding."
"No, you weren’t. You really believed what you were saying, that no one would want you. I won’t listen to that, I never want to hear you call yourself that again."
"Okay, okay. Calm down." She sank into the chair beside him.
"My responses are a little off. I’m not completely in control right now. I’ll be better tomorrow." She took his hand, knowing he was going to object. "I’m going back to work."
"I don’t think that’s a good idea."
"I can’t sit here and think myself insane anymore. Maybe I can actually forget again, like I did this morning for a few minutes."
"Can I help again?" The gleam in his eyes left no doubt as to what kind of help he wanted to give.
"Shut up and eat. I need to throw you out of here."
"I’m not going anywhere."
"I beg your pardon?"
"I am not leaving."
"You don’t have any clothes here, or. . .or anything."
"They’re in the car. I stopped by my place."
"Are you inviting yourself to sleep over again?"
"Yes ma’am, unless I get an invitation."
"You really don’t have to, you know."
{I want to}
She nodded and began to eat. After cleaning up they settled on the couch and he found a movie to watch while she dozed against him.
"Why don’t you go on to bed?"
"I shouldn’t be sleepy. I haven’t done anything all day."
"Aren’t you suppose to be tired the first trimester?"
"How would you know that?" He was so damn full of surprises, especially the way he was handling this. Maybe she didn’t know him as well as she’d always thought.
"I did some reading this afternoon."
"You didn’t!"
"And what’s wrong with that."
"Mulder, I haven’t. . .you shouldn’t get too attached to. . ."
"What?"
"If any part of what you believe is possible, there’s no guarantee that I could even carry to term. We don’t know what chemicals are. ."
"Could you be in danger?" She nodded, "Then you can’t have it. I mean. . ."
"My decision, remember?"
"Yes, but I didn’t think about a danger to you, I was thinking about. . .hell everything but that. You can’t put yourself in danger."
"But I also can’t abort a baby that has the slightest possibility of being yours."
He leaned back and looked at her, just looked, then took her hand and led her to bed, where he again worshipped her body as he had dreamed of for so long.
The next morning she began her shower first, but he joined her and finished up as she was drying her hair. They were quiet on the way to work, purposely trying to get ready for the day. He received a call around ten to meet with the Gunmen for an update and left. She continued working and finally went to the lab to try and find some work that held her concentration. That’s where he found her when he returned.
"Should you be in here?"
"Why not?"
"All the chemicals and fumes and things."
"Don’t worry about it, what did you find out?"
"That we need to go to lunch somewhere." They left the building and found a diner with an especially annoying jukebox playing. She finally reached over and took his hand.
"Come on, tell me what you know."
"Shit, I don’t want. . . I brought you the disk to go over, but there’s a lot Byers couldn’t explain. Maybe you should. . ."
"Mulder, I’m going away. I reached that decision this morning. Stop and listen, please." He had grabbed her hand as though she was going to run out of the restaurant without him. "Relax, not this minute, but I can’t stay here. Mulder, I can’t let anyone know about this pregnancy. If I can carry to term, I don’t want someone taking him and studying him for his whole life or me either, for that matter. With what we’ve seen over the years, we both know it’s a possibility. If someone believes this child to be what you suspect, I could be killed before he’s born just to ensure that he never is."
"I thought you didn’t believe."
"It doesn’t matter, there are those that do. There would be no way to keep this a secret if I see a doctor. There are doctors, nurses, lab technicians, hundreds of people that could find out. I’ll have to be my own physician for this."
"It’s too dangerous, and I want you here."
"I wish I could be here, but it won’t work. Too many people know me. I’ll go to some city and hide. I’ll somehow get word to you if and when the baby is born."
"No." He said it with a quiet intensity that shook her resolve. "That is not the way this is going to work."
"There isn’t any other. . ."
"I will find one. I will not let you go off alone for the most dangerous thing you’re ever encountered. Give me a couple of days to think. Promise me Scully, swear to me, you won’t leave town without telling me."
"I won’t leave without telling you, Mulder. I hope you do think of another way."
"Besides," he picked up on the rest of her comment; "you’re going to have to have a doctor. You can’t deliver the baby." She looked at him silently, with an expression that unnerved him completely. "You can’t!"
"It is not unheard of for a woman to deliver herself."
"My god, Scully! No!" He lowered his voice as the waitress behind the counter looked over at them. "I’m sorry, but…shit."
She tried to smile at him; "You can’t know how much it means to me that you feel this way."
"What about your mother?"
"No. She can’t know either. It could endanger her as well. She’s been through too much because of me already, with Melissa."
He forced himself to let go of her hand as the food was brought to the table. They ate their sandwiches in silence, not tasting them, both lost in thought.
Finally he looked up; "I will find a way, Scully. You will not go through this alone, not for an instant if I can help it."
"You offering to deliver the baby?" She half chuckled, but then as he paled slightly and nodded, her look turned to a stare. "You can’t be serious."
"Don’t you trust me to handle it?"
"It’s not that, Mulder. Birth is a very. . . messy process. Have you ever seen a baby born?" He shook his head. "I do trust you, with everything, but for your sake. . ."
"The only part I’m concerned about is watching you in pain and not being able to help." Finally she nodded.
"Your being there would be more help than I can describe."
"Scully, I won’t go into this cold. There are videos and books." Again she nodded. "Will you let me be with you?"
"If it’s humanly possible, I want you there." He took her hand again. "We better get back to work. You’re not sick today?"
"I hadn’t even thought of it. Maybe we’re far enough along that part is over." He grinned and grabbed the check. "Come on, I can’t stand this music any longer." He held out his hand to help her from the booth and they returned to work.
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