Honesty (NC17)


He looked down as her head made soft contact with his shoulder.  She’d fallen asleep.  He wasn’t surprised, it was after three in the morning and he had no doubt she’d been up since six the day before.  She shouldn’t be in this car, on this stakeout with him, but it was her job.

They’d put in nearly a full day before Kersh had called them in and told them to get out here.  It wasn’t an X-File, Kersh wouldn’t do that.  Just another fertilizer case, but the sheriff had called to ask for their help.

So they had boarded a plane after a quick stop at her apartment and flown here.  He’d hoped she would get some rest on the plane, though not sleep.  She couldn’t seem to sleep on planes.  They’d never talked about it, but she wasn’t the world’s best flyer.  She did it because it was part of her job and she didn’t shirk her responsibilities.  She didn’t show weakness.

Still he’d hoped she could get some rest.  He didn’t think she’d slept any better than he had since . . . but the flight had been miserable.  They’d hit major turbulence over Oklahoma .  He’d seen her white knuckle grip on the armrest and without thinking had put his hand over hers, entwining their fingers.  She hadn’t resisted, maybe even relaxing a notch until the plane dipped again.

At that he’d lifted the armrest between them.  Before he could move closer to her, she had scooted toward him until their thighs were touching.  What the hell, his arm went around her and she accepted it.

She hadn’t pulled away until the pilot had climbed above the weather and the flight had smoothed out  He missed the feel of her, but kept his mouth shut.  He’d decided to be grateful for that much.

He couldn’t remember a time when things had been worse between them since they’d started working together.  It was his fault; he knew that and had accepted it finally.

It had been so hard for him to believe that Diana was working against them, against him, and for so long.  He hadn’t listened to Scully, hadn’t wanted to hear it.

Why was it so hard for him?  Why couldn’t he just accept the fact that Scully was the only person who had never betrayed him?  He shook his head slightly remembering the words Frohike had thrown at him.  Langly had held his tongue, but Byers had agreed, maybe not as colorfully or graphically about what part of his anatomy should be shoved where, but the agreement was there.  The guys would never forgive him for embarrassing Scully in front of them.  The problem was they were right.  They had known better than him who to trust.

It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Scully.  He just had also believed that Diana was on his side.  Yeah, that was the crux of it. “You’re making this personal.”  He’d actually said it.  He’d thought Scully was overreacting out of jealousy or something, yeah right.  It had been him all along who couldn’t see the truth through a haze of ego or whatever.  Shit, he’d give anything to take it all back.

***** 

He was startled back to the present when her hand came to rest on his thigh.  He looked down; of course she was still asleep.  She wouldn’t touch him there if she was aware of it. Still, he had no control over his physical response.  This was Scully, the woman that populated all of his fantasies now.  But he should move her hand to a safer location.

As he reached for it, the hand in question squeezed his leg and she stirred slightly, “Mul . . . “

He froze.  No, she hadn’t said his name.  She didn’t know what she was . . . she was dreaming.

She snuggled in, turning her face up toward him.  He would never know what possessed him, but he bent down and lightly kissed her lips.

She responded and the kiss deepened until she opened her eyes.  She drew back then, her eyes wide.

“I’m . . . Scully, I’m - “

“What are you . . . what’s - “

“I’m sorry, I . . . "

She looked away, trying to compose herself.  “I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

What the hell had he been thinking?  “Nothing’s going on.  Why don’t you get in the back?  Maybe you can get comfortable, catch a few winks.”

“No, I’m fine.”

He winced at that, and she looked down.  She’d fallen asleep, yes, but something else had to have happened.  Mulder wouldn’t take advantage.  She must have done something.

They certainly hadn’t been close lately.  Not since he’d chosen Diana.

“Did you sleep with her?”  She jerked, had she really asked that?  She must still be asleep.  She closed her eyes, maybe he hadn’t heard.

He turned to look at her.  “No.”  No pretext of not knowing who or what she meant.

She looked down at her hands.  This wasn’t something she would ever have brought up if she’d had her wits about her, but now it was out there, between them.  “Why not?”

He blinked at that, “I’m a, a monogamous kind of guy.”

She felt a chill then.  Monogamous?  To who?  If not Diana, was he seeing someone else?

He didn’t understand the expression he was seeing on her face now.  The light from the only street lamp around wasn’t the best, but she almost looked . . . afraid.

He reached for her chin, to meet her eyes, but she evaded him, pulling away.  “Scully, I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have . . . “

“Why did you?  Why did you kiss me if you’re being monogamous . . . “

“I haven’t violated that, if I’m being monogamous to you.”

“To, to me?”

He nodded solemnly.  “There’s no one else.”

Her chin went up at that, “Why should I believe you?”

“Because it’s true, Scully.  She, Diana, she doesn’t mean anything to me.  We worked together.  Yes, I trusted her at one time.  I had no reason not to.  I . . . I didn’t examine things as closely back then as I’m accustomed to now.”  He tried to grin.  It faded when she only looked at him.

“Nothing happened between us, Scully.”

“Because of you or because of her?”

He took a breath then, “Me.”

“So she wanted to . . . to reconnect with you.”

He looked away then, “Yes, I think . . . I wasn’t interested, Scully.  She holds no attraction for me in that way.  Surely you know that.”

“Why would I know that, Mulder?”

He felt a stab of fear then; did she really not know how he felt?  “Be-because . . . Scully?”

“You told me that I didn’t know what I was talking about, you basically told me that the evidence I came up with was . . . was unimportant.”

“I was wrong, Scully.  I’m sorry.”  He shook his head, “Okay I didn’t want to believe that I was that stupid.  I’ve known the woman for ten years, worked with her on the X-Files.  I never . . . I believed in her because I wanted for so long to believe in someone.  When she left, it was on good terms, you know that.  It was a promotion for her, I didn’t begrudge her that.  I didn’t try to talk her out of it either.”  He paused then and took a breath.

“When you, when you talked about, about quitting I came after you.  When they took you away from me . . .” he shook his head again, “it wasn’t the same, Scully.  You matter to me in ways Diana never could.  You have to believe me, Scully.  You have to.”

The light was dim, but he saw that her eyes were moist now.  “Scully?”

“You asked me if I was forcing you to choose Mulder.   You . . . “

He nodded, “and I chose.  You.  Always you, Scully.  What can I do to prove that to you?”

”Be honest with me.”

He nodded, afraid to speak for a long moment.  “Give me another chance Scully.  Let me show you how important you are to me.  The most important person in my life.”

“Most . . .”

“Only.”  He said softly.  “It’s the truth, Scully.”

She looked up at him, searching his eyes.  He’d kissed her.  This whole conversation had started because he had awakened her with a kiss.  That had taken a lot of guts.  The way she’d been treating him . . . but she’d been so hurt when he’d seemed to . . . yes, choose Diana over her.

But he hadn’t, he’d taken her evidence on his own and check on it himself. He had believed her, at least some part of him had.  The man wasn’t exactly an open book, even to her.  There had been distrust on his part where Diana was concerned, even if he couldn’t face it in front of her and the guys.

It was her he’d come to get, sending Diana on ahead.  He had believed her, at least enough.  Otherwise his body would be . . . she shivered.

“Scully?”

“You didn’t go to El Rico.”

He shook his head, “No.  You saved me again.”

“I . . . ?”

“When you called, I left her.  I had to talk to you.  I had to convince you to come with me.  I thought . . . Scully, I couldn’t go without you.  I can never go without you.  It’s the truth, Scully.  I swear.”

“I want to believe.”  He relaxed slightly at the tiny quirk of her lips and without stopping to think, leaned over and kissed her again.  This time she didn’t pull away.

“Scully?”  She just looked at him.  “Scully, you didn’t just fish me out of the Bermuda Triangle.  I’m sober and in relatively good health.”  She blinked, but waited.  “I love you Scully.  I’m not talking fond of you as a co-worker, or glad you hung around despite having me as a partner.  I’m saying I love you.  Can you believe me?”

He couldn’t miss the tear that escaped and slid down her face.  His heart clutched at the sight.  He wanted to close his eyes, but her eyes had him riveted.

Slowly she nodded, “I believe you, Mulder.” She was the one that leaned in then.  His eyes finally closed as her lips met his, then parted slightly, inviting him in.  The kiss deepened, with him taking the invitation.  God she tasted good and she was definitely responding.  His fingers wove into her hair holding her closer.  When they finally broke for air, their chests were heaving.  He looked into her eyes and he started to speak when his cell phone trilled.

They both jumped and he closed his eyes, then jerked the phone from his pocket.  “Mulder.”  He growled.

“We got him!  You can call off the stake out.”  The sheriff sounded delighted.

Mulder sighed, “So you didn’t even need us.”

“Yeah, we did.  He heard the feds were in town and did something incredibly stupid.  It was just the break we needed.  Listen, you can call it a night.  We have what we need, why don’t you guys turn in.”

“Thanks.”  He glanced over at Scully.  She had her hand to her lips, fixing her lipstick, or wiping away the kiss?  “I’ll check in later.”  He pressed the off button and looked at her.  “Scully?” 

“They found him? 

“Yeah, apparently having us here flushed him out.”

“Then I guess it’s good we came.”

“Listen - “

“It’s late Mulder.  We should get to the hotel.”

She wouldn’t look at him, and the bottom fell out of his stomach.  What had he done?  Had he’d imagined her response?  Shit.  He turned the key and pulled away from the curb.  They drove to the hotel in uneasy silence.

That silence continued as they walked to their rooms.  As she swiped her card, he put his hand on her shoulder.  “Scully, did I screw up completely?  I . . . I need to know if . . . “ He couldn’t continue, but his eyes begged for her to understand.

 “Mulder, you didn’t screw up.”  But she didn’t look up at him.

 He looked up toward the ceiling helplessly.  “Scully, please, talk to me.  I know I messed up.  I know I stepped over the line, but I’ve got to know how you feel.  Please.”  

“Mulder, I . . . what do you want me to say?”

 “I want the truth.  Honesty.  Scully, tell me if, if we can at least still be friends.”  

“Honesty.”  She swallowed and he died a little more.  She looked up at him then, “Honestly Mulder, I’m in love with you.”  She turned then and entered her room.  The door closing in his astonished face.

 His first impulse was to bang on the door and demand that she say that again, he couldn’t have heard her correctly, but it was nearly 4 a.m.   The other guests at the hotel would certainly take issue with that.

 He rushed to his own room next door and let himself in.  He moved immediately to the connecting door.  He’d automatically asked for connecting rooms, even though they were on the outs.  He always did where they were available.  He opened his side and tapped on the other door.  “Scully?”  

There was what felt like a very long pause, but he kept himself from knocking again.  Finally he heard the deadbolt disengage.  She opened the door, but looked at his shoes.

 “Mulder, it’s late.”  

“Do you think you’ll be able to sleep?  I don’t.  I . . . I need to know you meant what you said.”

 She finally glanced up and away.  He saw the tears in her eyes.  “I can’t talk to you.  I . . . I want to talk to my best friend, I want to tell her about this, tell her how scared I am of these feelings.”

 “Why, why can’t you do that?”

 Her shoulders slumped, “Because you’re my best friend.”

 That drew a startled laugh from him and he pulled her into his arms.  He was relieved to feel her arms encircle his waist.  He kissed the top of her head.

 “Damn it Mulder, it’s all backwards.”

 “Well that sounds like us, doesn’t it, Scully.”  He caressed her hair, and they stood there in silence, holding each other. 

 After several minutes, she pulled slightly away and looked up at him.  “So what does this all mean, what do we do now?”

 “Honestly?” He grinned at her.  She blushed and he watched her with adoration.  “Some day soon I want to . . . I want to make love to you.”

 Her eyes widened and she glanced toward the bed.

 “Hey, I’m not . . . I don’t want to rush you but - “ 

“Rush me?  At the pace we’re going if we ever actually get around to doing it our bones will break.” 

He chuckled as she leaned her head against his chest.  “You love me, that’s what I needed to know, what I need.”  

“Honestly?”

 He shook his head, “No, I need to hold you.  May I stay in here tonight, sleep with you in my arms?”

 Now she looked him in the eye, “Yes.”

 He smiled down at her, “Go get ready for bed.  I’ll be right back.”  He gave her a quick kiss on the lips and forced himself to back away, then entered his room.

 As soon as he was gone, she moved toward her suitcase and pulled out the pajamas she had packed.  She looked at them and grimaced.  Not her first choice for sleeping with Mulder.  She carried them on into her bath and got ready for bed quickly.  When she emerged she glanced over at the open doors between their rooms.  She could hear the shower and smiled to herself.  Then inspiration hit her and she entered the room.  As she had known, his clothes were tossed haphazardly on or near the bed.  She snatched up his discarded t-shirt and returned to her room.

 She tossed off the pj's and pulled the soft cloth over her head, then slipped between the sheets.  In just moments he was at the door again, wearing yellow pajama bottoms, but no shirt.  His eyes found her and she saw his shoulders relax.

 He hesitated as though asking her permission once more and she lifted the sheet.  He crawled in beside her, “So that’s where it went.”  He said as he eyed her ‘lingerie’.

 “Do you mind?”

 He shook his head, “Looks a lot better on you.”

 She gave a tentative smile, waiting.

 “Turn over.”  He spooned around her smaller frame.  She fit perfectly against him - the key piece in the jigsaw puzzle that was his life.  He knew what the picture was now.  God, he’d been waiting for this forever.

 She moved back pressing her hips into him and squirming slightly.  He tried to stifle his groan and moved the lower half of his body back away from her.  “Scully, I’m trying not to rush you.”

 “Doesn’t feel like it.”  She made contact with his cock again, pressing against him.

 “Just ignore him.”  He managed to get out.

 “Ignore that?”  She turned in his arms to face him, both lying on their sides.

 “I guess he’s not very subtle.”

 “No, subtle isn’t the word that comes to mind.”  Her hand caressed his hip through pajama bottoms and he closed his eyes.

 She watched his face, the tension of holding himself back making him even more beautiful in her eyes.  But she knew he would do as she asked.  If she sent him to his room now, he would go.  And she would live forever in regret.  No, he had never been more honest with her than he was being right now, silent in her arms.

 She leaned up, her nipples caressing his chest, with only the soft cloth of the t-shirt between them.  She took his lower lip between hers, sucking on it for an instant before deepening the kiss, exploring his mouth with her tongue.

 He was shuddering when they broke apart, forever later.  “Mulder, maybe my body isn’t as overt as yours, but I want this.  I want this with you.”

 She took his hand and guided it to her core.  His fingers touched her and she moved closer.  “Oh Jesu . . . Scully.”  She was so wet, so ready for him, wanting him.  Then he realized, he’d not moved any silk or lace to touch her, she was nude beneath his shirt.   His cock twitched at the very thought.

 He had to see her, all of her - alive and healthy and . . . and wanting him.

 He touched the hem of the shirt and she lifted her arms to make the task easier.  He slipped the overwashed cotton over her head and stopped.

 He’d seen nude women before, maybe not lately in the flesh, but the female anatomy wasn’t new to him, until now.  Scully’s body, Scully’s breasts, Scully’s . . . everything.  He dipped his head to pay homage to her breasts.

 Sensory overload took her.  Dear God he was good, and she hadn’t even touched him yet.  He wouldn’t let her, concentrating on her pleasure.  But he was taking her beyond pleasure - no one, no man had ever . . .

 “Mul . . . plea . . .” she moaned.  He watched her in awe.  She was responding to him, letting him love her. 

 She’d always known he was eloquent, but his tongue had talents she hadn’t dreamed.  

She shuddered in his arms, clutching him as she came.  His number two fantasy of all time coming true.  “Mulder.”  She was sated in his arms, her eyes heavy lidded with passion.  He kissed those lids, part of him still not believing he had brought her to this state.  

She looked up at him and her arms went around his neck.

“Relax Scully.”

She shook her head, “We’re not through here.”  

“It’s okay.”

“Not to me it isn’t.  I need you.”

His lips parted in surprise.  She hadn’t just said that.  Then he felt her hand curl around his cock, and tighten.  Her hand moved, squeezing, massaging and her thumb caught the pre-cum, laving it into his straining head.

She kissed his throat and began to move down his chest.

His growl stopped her.  “No, not . . . Scully I can’t . . . “

She nodded in understanding.  He pulled her under him and she widened her legs, welcoming him.  He slowly entered her, giving her time to adjust as she stretched around him.   

It had been a long time, too damn long, she knew that now.  Yes, she was tight but dear God he filled her.  Her eyes locked on his and smiled.  He moved within her and she moaned.  He pulled out, almost leaving her body, but her legs went around his waist, holding him close.  He thrust again and again, deeper each time.  He had filled her in a place she had always felt would be empty. 

He was close, as much as he wanted this to last forever, he could feel his control slipping.  His fingers pressed on that bundle of nerves and her body spasmed around him, drawing him into heaven with her.  He was coming from deep within himself as she gasped his name.  Number one fantasy fulfilled. 

Damn, he hadn't come like that in at least twenty years, maybe never.  His trembling arms couldn't support him any longer and he started to leave her body.  Her arms came around him then, pulling him down on top of her.   He wanted to protest, but remaining connected to her seemed so right. 

She relished the weight of his body on her, the feel of being completely and totally surrounded, protected . . . loved by him was beyond words. 

After a few minutes, he rolled to the side, regretfully leaving her body and silently delighting in the small whimper it evoked from her.  Sleep was taking him over and he was pretty sure she was already more asleep than awake, so he relaxed, allowing his arms to hold her close.    

*****

She stirred, stretching abused muscles and felt him over her.  She opened her eyes to see the face of Fox Mulder bending over her.  She recognized his near panic face and realized that she, and he, had fallen asleep without the discussion or reassurances other couples would need.  

Seeing her eyes open, his Adam's apple bobbed.  "Scully."  It was one word but she heard the thousand questions behind it.

Scully managed to keep her expression bland as she met his eyes.  "Honestly, Mulder?"  She felt his arms tense.  "I think I'd like to do it again."   

He saw the twinkle in her eyes then and the world began revolving once more.