Chapter 1 Scully smiled once more at
Mulder sprawled asleep in his bed. He was so beautiful. She’d always seen him
as physically attractive, but his face, as he had loved her last night, had
brought tears to her eyes. She tried to slip out of
the bed without waking him, but he protested, pulling her closer. “Mulder, I need to go home
before work, so I can change clothes.” “We could stay here
forever,” he offered, still mostly asleep. “I don’t think so.” She
kissed him and he nuzzled her. “Mulder, go back to sleep. I’ll see you later.” He made a grumbling noise
and she smiled tenderly at him. She gave him one more kiss and slipped out of
the bed. She dressed in his bathroom and stopped once more at the door, to look
at him. She stiffened her spine.
The desire to crawl back in beside him was so strong, but she had to get away,
just for a little while. It had been a shock to her
that they had ended up in his bed. She had known it was inevitable, but the
timing was still a surprise. He had been stunned, and a little put out, that
she had had an epiphany in a Buddhist temple while he was out of town, but it
had freed her. It had been right. Nothing had ever been more right. She had experience, not
lately of course, but she wasn’t a virgin. However there had been a moment last
night when everything had merged. They had . . . melded. She had honestly not
known where she ended and he began. It wasn’t just her, she had looked up into
eyes as wide and stunned as hers. She felt warm again just remembering that.
It was something she would always remember. Scully mentally shook
herself after almost running a red light. She’d see him in a couple of hours.
She eased up on the accelerator. No need to prolong the separation by being
stopped for speeding either. Having to act normally,
keep her distance in the office, would be . . . stimulating. At home, she tossed her
purse on the couch and was unbuttoning her blouse as she headed toward her
bedroom when the voice stopped her. “I trust you slept well,
Agent Scully.” She froze for an instant
and the blood left her face. How? How had he gotten inside? She had thought
he was gone. They hadn’t seen him since . . . since she had almost destroyed
her relationship with Mulder. “How did you get in here?” Spender took a drag on his
cigarette, “No pleasantries, Agent Scully? Even after our nice trip to the
country?” “Get out of here.” “I thought we understood
each other - “ “You lied to me and used
me. It didn’t work, he forgave me.” The older man shook his
head, “I wasn’t trying to interfere in your relationship with Agent Mulder. I
needed that CD.” “It was blank.” She
cursed herself for responding. She wanted no conversation with this man. He looked at her, then
inclined his head slightly. “Get out.” She moved
toward the door to open it. “I came here to warn you.” She looked disgusted when
she faced him. “I don’t want your warnings, your help or your advice. Just
go.” “They know.” “’They’ know what?” She
hated herself for asking, but she had to know. “They know you were with
Agent Mulder last night.” He watched as her face burned bright red with a
mixture of fury and embarrassment. “Get out.” She barely
managed to make the words audible through her clenched teeth. “They also know you’re
pregnant.” “You’re crazy. I’m not .
. . I can’t . . . “ He smiled, seemingly
compassionately, at her. “You are. Only a few hours obviously, but never the
less, it is true.” She stared at him then,
unable to move. Finally she took a step toward him. “Even if it were true, how
would anyone know?” “The chip,” he said
easily, taking another draw on his cigarette. Her hand went to her neck
involuntarily. “It wasn’t supposed to
happen.” He continued, “Mulder was not to have children.” She shook her head, as
much to avoid him as to say no. “Go away.” “I told you, I’m here to
warn you. They don’t want this baby to be born and they’re going to be very
unhappy with Mulder.” “With . . . with Mulder?” “They’re going to get rid
of him this time. I’m not sure I can protect him once they all know.” “No!” “Yes.” He tapped an ash
into her plant. “They will kill Mulder over this unless you get rid of the
child.” Her hand went to her
stomach, instinctively protecting the few cells that might turn into her child,
Mulder’s child. Spender noted it and she
saw the slight smile on his face. She stood up straighter, letting her hand
fall back to her side. “You do want it.” Her
eyes narrowed at his words. “Forgive a grandfather’s indulgence.” She ignored that. “I’ve
asked you to leave.” “I want to help you. If
you leave, disappear, I believe I can keep him safe.” “Safe? How? How if
they already know?” He shrugged. “I have some
friends. Not all of them know, yet. If you’re gone, they won’t have to
find out.” “Disappear. You want me
to just leave, without a word to anyone?” “Yes. Or I can help you
make arrangements to get rid of the child.” She backed up then. “Why
should I believe a word out of your mouth?” “Okay, fair enough." He
nodded at her, still so serene she wanted to scratch his eyes out. "Go away
for a few weeks. You’re a doctor; you know how soon you can confirm a
pregnancy. If I’m lying, come back, apologize. I’m sure all would be forgiven
. . . again.” He waited but she didn’t
speak. She had gone inside of herself. He nodded slightly and moved toward
her. That startled her and she
stepped back. “Here.” He withdrew an envelope from his inside coat pocket.
“You won’t want to use your credit cards.” “I didn’t say I was going
- “ “Then use it for the
procedure, or start a college fund from a loving grand - “ “Stop! Get out of here.”
Her voice rose, bordering on hysteria now. He dropped the envelope on
the couch and moved to the door. “You need to decide, Dana, save my son or try
to save my grandchild. You have a number where you can always reach me.” She looked at him puzzled. “In the envelope. Call
me, I have . . . connections. Dana, you do understand, you can't be with him
either way. They wouldn't allow any more slip-ups.” She said nothing, so he
let himself out. She heard the door close,
but she couldn’t move. She stood for uncounted minutes before the sound of a
door closing down the hall brought her back to the present. She looked around wildly
for a second. He was gone, the white envelope stood in stark contrast to the
darker blue stripe of her couch. They would kill him; they would kill Mulder,
because of her. She believed that much anyway. She jerked toward the
bedroom and pulled her large suitcase from the closet. She packed her clothes
quickly after so much practice, then moved to the bathroom and packed a second
bag. Back in the bedroom she
dug under her remaining underwear and pulled out the envelope Frohike had given
her a while ago. At the last moment, she took the picture of Mulder she kept in
her bedside table. It was framed, but she had never displayed it. He was
unaware of it, another gift from Frohike. Then she removed the small gold cross
from around her neck and left it on her dresser. She carried the bags to
her car, then returned for a few last minute items. Would she ever see this
place again? She took her cell phone from her purse and set it in the charger,
and after a moment’s hesitation, stuffed the thick envelope in its place in her
purse. She didn’t realize there
were tears running down her face. She drove to a coffee shop
not far from her apartment and entered. It was busy this time of day, busier
than she had thought it would be until she realized they were all just going to
work. It was the time she would normally . . . No, there was no normal, not for
a little while anyway. She moved to the back of
the shop, near the bathrooms and found the pay phone. She dropped some coins
into the slot and dialed a number. She closed her eyes, hoping that Frohike
would answer. She couldn’t talk to the others. For once her luck held.
“Lone Gunmen.” “Frohike, don’t say my
name.” “Okay. What can I do for
you?” He sat up in the chair. Her tone was wrong. “Can you meet me? Alone?” “Sure. Where?” She didn’t want to stay
here and it was too early for the tourist places. “The package store where you
buy your bourbon.” “When?” “Now. As soon as you can
get there.” “I’m on my way.” He hung
up the phone. Something was wrong, monumentally wrong, and for whatever reason,
she didn’t want Byers or Langly to know. That bothered him badly. ***** He only beat her there by
a few minutes. She looked terrible. He took her arm and led her to the back of
the store. “What’s wrong? Is it Mulder? Is he hurt?” “I have to . . . I have to
leave town. I’m, I’m going to use the ID you made me.” “Katherine Hale?” He
blinked at her. She nodded. “Mulder
doesn’t know about that ID, does he?” He shook his head. “No
one does.” “You’re sure,” she
demanded, her voice shaking. “Yes. Dana, what is this
about?” “Don’t tell him. He can’t
find me. You can’t tell him you’ve talked to me.” “I don’t understand.” He
had hold of both of her arms. “What happened? Did Mulder hurt you?” “N-no. Please, don’t
track me. I know you can, but please. I have to disappear. You’re the only
one who knows about Katherine Hale. Don’t . . . please don’t tell anyone.” “Dana, tell me what’s
happened. You can’t go off like this. You’re not yourself. Come home with me,
let us look after you for a little while, at least until you can calm down.” “Will you keep my
secret?” Her eyes were desperate. “I have to go away. They’ll . . . he would
never be safe.” Frohike was even more shaken now that he’d talked to her. “Who? Who wouldn’t be
safe?” She just looked at him,
tears forming in her eyes. She didn’t respond. “Where are you going?” She shook her head. “I .
. . I may not be gone long.” He tried to look into her
eyes, but she avoided him. “You don’t believe that.” She closed her eyes then,
“Promise me you won’t track me. You won’t tell . . . anyone where I am.” “I . . . I won’t tell
anyone, but I will track you.” “Melvin - “ “You might need me.” She didn’t smile. This
little man cared for her and he had a point. Someone should know, just in
case. “You promise, just between us.” He nodded solemnly. “What
do you need?” “References. You made
Katherine a physician’s assistant. That works well. I’ll go somewhere they
need a doctor, but don’t have enough access. Maybe they’ll need me enough not
to check too deeply.” “You have some place in
mind.” It wasn’t a question. Reluctantly she nodded. “Tell me,” he said it
gently, but he was serious. She hesitated a long time,
but he waited. She wasn’t leaving until he knew something. Finally she gave in
to his patience. “Remember Albert Holstein?” He nodded, “Their reservation
needed doctors. He . . . no one would look for me there.” “Dana, what happened?” She shook her head. “I
have to go. How can I get the references from you?” “I’ll set up an email just
for you.” He scribbled an address on a receipt from his pocket, and handed it
to her. “Send me a one-liner, ‘ready’ and you’ll have them.” “Tha. . . thank you.” “I want to do more.” She shook her head then,
unable to speak and hurried out the door. He started to call out after her, but
didn’t want to call attention to either of them. This was bad. She drove to Richmond,
unwilling to take a flight out of D.C. She was too easy to trace and Mulder was
an expert. She flew to Chicago, then left the airport. A taxi took her to a
motel so like the ones she had frequented with him. She purchased some things
from a nearby drug store and returned to the room. For the first time she was
glad to have been too busy to schedule a haircut. Now, dyed blonde and styled
differently, she felt more secure. She needed to buy a used car, that way she
could be more mobile, not at the mercy of an airline's schedule. She stopped suddenly in
the middle of the room. Why did she believe this? Spender had lied so many
times to them over the years. Why should she trust him now? Why should she
believe his word that she was pregnant? Scully looked at the
pregnancy test she'd bought. Too early, much too early, but she hadn't been
able to leave the drug store without it. In a few days . . . Now for the chip. She
couldn't remove it. It had never been scientifically proven that it had
anything to do with her remission from cancer, but Mulder believed it.
Therefore she did as well. Would anything block the signal? If only it were
kryptonite. She actually smiled for an instant. Lead? She would have no way
of knowing, but why not try it. She returned to the store
and wandered around. What had lead in it? Then she spotted the small bags at
the film display. Lead lined sacks for protecting film from airport x-rays.
What the hell. She grabbed it up and a pair of wire cutters. At least it was
something to try. ***** She pulled up to the
house. She was completely exhausted, physically and emotionally. It had taken
her nearly three weeks to get here after she had left Chicago. She still wasn’t
showing, wouldn’t be for a while. No one could tell . . . at four weeks she was
mostly just exhausted. The route she’d taken probably couldn’t be duplicated,
even by her. There was no way to know if the small sliver of lead she wore
under the bandage on her neck was helping, but it was all she had. She took a deep breath and
opened the car door. The heat slammed her in the face and seemed to take what
little energy she had left. The door to the house opened and a Native American
man walked toward her. She recognized Albert’s son, Tomas. “Agent Scully. You are
welcome.” “You . . . did you know I
was coming?” He smiled slightly, “My
father told me you were on your way. He said to tell you, ‘the desert and the
rocks will protect you’.” Tears came to her eyes as
she nodded. He took her arm and led her into the relative coolness of his
home. “This is my wife, Naomi.” A Native American woman with a broad face and
laughing eyes brushed her long braid over her shoulder to her back. Scully gave the taller
woman a tentative smile. Naomi came over to her as she dried her hands on a
dishtowel. “I’m glad you’re here safe.” She took Dana into her arms and held
her. That was all it took, Scully broke down in her arms, sobbing. Naomi just held her,
patting her back and humming to her. When Scully began regaining her composure,
she started to apologize. “It was what you needed, Dana. Don’t think of it
again. Your room is ready. Come with me.” Keeping her arm around Scully, she
led her back to a familiar room. This was where she had tended Mulder when he
was recovering from his drugging and her gunshot wound. As she was looking around,
remembering, Tomas joined them carrying her bags. “Dinner’s not going to be
ready for a while. Why don’t you lie down. I’ll come get you.” “Th-thank you.” Naomi gave her shoulder
another squeeze and let herself out of the room. Scully turned to look at the
bed again. She could see Mulder lying there. She turned away and found
the bathroom, then returned to the room quietly. Finally she sat on the bed
and toed off her shoes. She hadn’t slept, really slept in days and didn’t
expect to now. Finally she lay back and rested her head on the pillow, her hand
on her stomach. She was asleep before her eyes closed fully. ***** Chapter 2 Mulder woke slowly and
stretched sore muscles. Then he smiled. It had been real, it had happened.
Scully had come to his bed, she had allowed him to love her. He pulled her
pillow toward him and breathed in her scent again. He almost laughed at
himself, he felt like a kid at Christmas. He hurried through his
shower and dressing. Part of him wanted to call her, just to hear her voice
again, but he held off. They'd be together shortly. Another smile took over
his face, 'together'. He stopped for coffee and
bought her one of those sinful cinnamon buns she craved but refused to indulge
in. They'd worked off enough calories last night to justify it. The woman
behind the counter returned his smile and after he turned away nodded to
herself. Well, he was in a good mood this morning and she had a pretty
good idea why. Scully wasn't there when
he arrived, so he placed his morning offering on the small table she used. He
would get her that desk. Battleship wasn't all they could play on a larger
surface. He booted up his computer
and started reading his email. His glances at his watch became more frequent.
Scully was never late, that was his thing. But where was she? He finally gave
in and dialed her apartment. Her machine picked up, and while the sound of her
voice soothed him a little as always, he needed more. When he got voice mail on
her cell, he felt the first frisson of unease. She didn't turn off her cell. He forced himself to wait
another fifteen minutes, then called up to Skinner's office. "Kim? Mulder. Is
Scully up there?" He hoped he sounded casual. "I haven't seen her, Agent
Mulder. She didn't have an appointment." "Yeah, thought she might
have called or . . . " "AD Skinner is in his
regular staff meeting. He hasn't gotten any calls." "Okay. I'll talk to you
later." "Is everything all
right?" Kim's voice now held a note of concern. Shit, he hadn't meant to set
off any alarms. "Yeah, everything's fine.
Thanks." He hung up, now having to face the truth. Something wasn't 'fine' and
he needed to know what. Was she avoiding him? She hadn't seemed upset when she
left; kissing him and saying she'd see him at work. Had she changed her mind?
Had something caused her to rethink what had happened? To hell with this. He
slipped on his suit coat and after glancing at the cooling coffee and bun,
retraced his steps to the garage. He'd taken her regular
route home, but hadn't spotted her. Her car was gone. Still he hurried to her
apartment, letting himself in with little effort. He stopped just inside the
door, something was . . . wrong. He sniffed the air and stiffened. Smoke,
cigarette smoke. No! That SOB hadn't talked her into leaving with him again.
No! They'd talked about that, she knew better. "Scully?" She didn't answer, the
place was empty. He spotted her cell phone in the charger by her desktop
computer. That frightened him on a level he couldn't define. She never forgot
things like that, not when she left on her own. Had he, had Spender taken her?
He entered her bedroom, way past uneasy now. The bed was made, but indented.
He opened the closet. Her large suitcase was missing as well as her overnight
bag. He ducked into the bathroom. When they traveled she always carried those
small sample size bottles of shampoo and stuff. Now as he looked around, he saw
that her full size bottles were gone. He hurried back to the bedroom and jerked
open some drawers. They were nearly empty. She had packed as though . . . as
though she was going to be gone for a long time. He sank onto the foot of
her bed, unable to formulate a coherent thought. This room had always soothed
him; he'd snuck in here often when she wasn't paying attention. Now he felt
cold. He glanced back at her dresser and caught the small gleam of the chain.
He rose again and stood over it. Her cross. She had removed it, left it. For
him? Or because the sin she had committed was too large. He found it in his hand,
unable to resist. Where was she? And why had she left? She had enjoyed last
night. Had it been so long that he couldn’t tell if a woman was faking it? No,
not Scully. She wouldn’t do that. So where the fuck was she? He jerked violently when
his cell phone rang in his pocket. He yanked it out, “Scully?” “No. What’s going on?”
Skinner’s voice boomed through the phone. “Uh, Sir.” “Is Agent Scully in
trouble?” “I, uh, she didn’t come to
work this morning. I decided to check on her.” “Her apartment.” “And?” “She’s not here. Her
luggage is missing, all of it.” There was silence for a
moment. “She packed. Do you think she left on her own?” “I don’t know. I think .
. . I think Spender was here.” “Spender?” Skinner
muttered an oath. “What do you want to do?” Mulder’s eyes closed for
an instant in relief. “Her car’s missing. We need to track it, put a trace on
her credit cards.” “We’ll have to list her as
missing. It’s not been twenty-four hours.” “If you’re planning to go
by the book with Spender involved - “ “No, you’re right. Get
back down here. I’ll have everything in place.” Skinner broke the connection. ***** “Mulder, get up here.”
Skinner’s voice sounded in his ear. He dropped the receiver back in the cradle
and took off up the stairs. Word? Finally? God, it had to be. None of his
leads had panned out. This had been the longest three weeks of his life. Spender was no where to be
found. He's checked every rat hole personally. He'd called in favors, smoozed
with air line reservationists, and managed not to slug any of his fellow
employees who watched him every time he stuck his head out of his basement.
That last was getting harder to do. There was no evidence that
she was injured. She had made her own way to Richmond. That had taken time to
discover, but she had been alone as far as anyone knew. Her car had yielded no
evidence that anyone had been with her. But she hadn't contacted
him. That scared him the most.
No contact. If she were able . . . No, he couldn't go there. That fear was
coming very close to shutting him down and he couldn't afford not to be on top
of his form. No investigation was more important. The door was open and Kim
waved him on inside. She looked at him closely as he hurried past. The man
looked like hell. He hadn’t shaved again this morning and she thought maybe he
had slept in his suit, if he had slept. He pushed the door closed behind
him. “Sir?” “I just received an email
from Scully.” Mulder moved around the
desk. Skinner kept quiet, allowing him to read the message over his shoulder. “Assistant Director
Skinner - I apologize for the delay in sending this email, but I am tendering my
resignation, for personal reasons, from the Bureau. My resignation is effective
immediately. A hard copy, with my signature, is being sent overnight to you. I
have given my decision a great deal of thought and it is final. Please tell Agent
Mulder that we both made mistakes and I do not blame him for anything in our
partnership. Also in the envelope is
a money order. Please give it to my mother when she returns and ask her to have
my furniture and personal items placed in storage. I thank you for your
leadership and support during my tenure at the FBI. Sincerely - Dana
Scully” Mulder swallowed hard, his
breathing seemed harsh suddenly. “Did you,” he swallowed again; “Did you
reply?” Skinner nodded. “It
bounced back. I'm forwarding it you. Do you think it’s really her?” But
Mulder had turned and was leaving his office. “Mulder?” There was no response. Mulder headed for the
basement. He stopped just inside the door and looked around. He wasn’t seeing
the office; he was seeing her, remembering her as she moved around their space.
This was where they argued over cases, over theories - his wild ones, her
scientific ones. Where he’d fallen in love with her. The email, it had sounded
like her. Was he missing a clue? It didn’t feel like it. It felt like the
ultimate rejection. ‘I do not blame him for anything in our partnership’.
Partnership, not relationship. Wasn’t that magnanimous of her. What a fool. What a
god-damn fool he was. He’d kept after her until he’d gotten her. He laughed
out loud. Even to his ears he sounded insane. He forced his mouth closed, then
shut and locked the door. He looked like shit when
he got to the Gunmen’s door. “Mulder? What? Did you hear from her?” Byers
opened the door wider, drawing him inside. “Skinner got an email from
her today, resigning. I forwarded it to your computer. The address is gone
now. I need you to trace it.” Byers nodded and led him
to the computer when Langly sat. “Show me what you got, Mulder.” Langly
cracked his knuckles. Mulder handed him the
printout of the email Skinner had received as well. He had it memorized anyway. A little while later,
Langly leaned back, obviously frustrated. “Well?” Mulder demanded. “We taught her well. It’s
amateurish, but it’s been bounced around a lot.” “Amateurish? Not
Spender?” Langly looked over at
Byers, then back at Mulder. “Uh, I don’t think so. He wouldn’t need to do this
with what he has at his disposal.” Mulder looked around,
searching for something to hold on to. He had hoped that they would find
something to cause him to rethink his intuition. He hadn’t gotten it. She had
left him, she had thought about what had happened between them and decided to
get away from him. That didn’t explain the cigarette smoke in her apartment.
He’d automatically assumed it was Spender, but could she have smoked as she
contemplated her decision? God, what had she been thinking? He turned then and left
their apartment without another word. It was over; she was gone, apparently of
her own free will. He should be surprised it had taken her this long to leave
him. ***** Mulder threw himself into
his new assignments. His theories were as out there as before, but no one dared
refer to him as ‘Spooky’ any more. He was too willing to dive into the filth of
the cases he had tried so hard to avoid before. His instincts were honed;
he asked questions he never had before. She had taught him well and he used
that to keep others away. No one had to question his 'science' any longer
because he played on their field now. The more depraved the mind, the quicker
he dug in. The problem was the
chances he was willing to take. There was talk about a death wish. No one
heard a word out of his mouth that didn’t concern the case he was working. Only
once had Scully been mentioned. The mistake had not been repeated. ***** “You listen to me and you
listen good.” Skinner growled at him. “I don’t know what happened between you
and Scully.” The look Mulder shot him felt like an ice spear, but he
continued. He couldn’t let this go on; not this time, it had been too close.
“But you report to me, that makes you my responsibility. I’m not going
to let you commit suicide on my watch. If you stay on this path, when you’re
released, I will nail you to a desk so hard that you’ll need to be
catheterized. Don’t test me. I’ll do it. You came too close this time.”
Skinner set the IV bag connected to Mulder's arm swinging. Mulder only looked up at
the ceiling. Byers and Langly entered
the room, followed by Frohike. They had heard Skinner, but he wasn’t through.
“You’ve been reckless; you’ve put yourself in danger and because of that, other
agents as well. I should have you committed to a psych ward, but for now I’m
going to put you on administrative leave.” He turned to Mulder’s friends, “You
keep an eye on him.” Skinner left the room,
shaking his head. “Mulder, what was that
about?” Byers moved closer to the hospital bed. “Nothing.” Mulder moved
to sit up and Byers’ hand reached out to stop him. “I’m leaving.” “The hell you are.”
Frohike spoke up then, moving to the other side of the bed. “You were shot,
twice. You’ll be here for a couple more days anyway.” Mulder looked over at him
impassively, “Why?” “Hey man,” Langly spoke
up, “was Skinner kidding? Are you trying to commit suicide by cop?” “I just want to go home.”
He wouldn’t meet the blonde’s eyes. “You can’t.” Byers said
firmly. “You’re not well enough to leave. Mulder, give it a little longer.
You don’t want to hurt yourself permanently.” Mulder looked at him for a
long moment and finally shrugged slightly. His three friends exchanged looks
then. “Do you want to hurt
yourself?” Frohike asked the question out loud finally. “Does it matter?” “Yes, Mulder. It does to
us,” Byers responded immediately. “Thanks. Listen, don’t
worry about me. I appreciate you stopping by. I’m doing fine.” “Are you planning to
leave?” Frohike wouldn’t back down. “No, not right now. I
guess I’ll get a little rest.” He reclined the bed back to flat. “We can stay - “ Byers
started, but Mulder shook his head. “Not necessary.” “We want you to call us
when they release you. We’ll give you a ride home; make sure you have whatever
supplies you need.” Mulder opened his mouth,
but then just nodded looking only at the ceiling. After exchanging yet another
look, the three men moved toward the door. Frohike touched Mulder’s arm, then
followed Byers out of the room. They waited at the
elevator. “I didn’t realize he was that bad.” Byers spoke to no one in
particular. “That’s because we never
see him. He’s been avoiding us for weeks.” Frohike shook his head. “He’s rudderless since
Scully left. I’ve never understood what happened.” Langly glanced back toward
Mulder’s room. Byers nodded, “Something
happened between those two. Maybe if he’d talk about it . . . “ “I don’t think he can.”
Frohike stepped onto the elevator. ***** It was late, nearly
midnight when he heard the knock on the door. “I don’t want any.” “Good, cause I’m not
selling any,” Frohike responded. Mulder sighed, but knew
the little man wouldn’t leave. He levered himself up from the couch painfully
and, using the cane, made his slow way to the door. He opened it and let
Frohike inside. “I’m not able to get
around too quickly,” Mulder offered. “Yeah, that’s why we
suggested that you stay in the damn hospital. How long after we left did you
bolt?” Mulder shrugged, then
winced. Frohike took his arm and helped him back to the couch. “Why are you out here on
the couch? You’ve got that bed now.” Mulder shook his head, “I
don’t sleep in there anymore.” “What happened?” “What do you mean?”
Mulder turned his attention back to the television. “What happened between you
and Sc - “ Mulder’s eyes were hard
when he immediately turned back to Frohike. “Don’t.” “She called me.” Mulder went rigid, then
grimaced, hissing at the pain. “When?” His voice was harsh, painful. “That morning. The
morning she left.” Mulder’s eyes narrowed and
Frohike fought the urge to back away from him. He knew he needed to keep
talking or the man would rip his heart out, injuries or not. “I met her. She wanted to
talk to me.” Mulder didn’t speak, but
Frohike felt sweat bead on his forehead. He knew his life was in the balance
here. “She was scared. I’d never seen her like that. She . . . she needed my
help.” “Your help.” Frohike swallowed and
wished he were seated, but didn’t want to move that close to the man. “I gave
her a present last Christmas. It was kind of a joke.” He sighed, “I gave her a
set of fake ID.” Mulder gaped at him. “It was for fun, but she
took them, gave me a little bit of a hard time.” Frohike shrugged. “What name?” “Katherine Hale.” Mulder’s eyes widened. Frohike nodded, “To go
with George. She wanted to plead with me not to trace her. She knew once I
found out she was gone, I’d remember.” “And she didn’t want me to
find her,” Mulder spoke flatly. “Mulder, it wasn’t like
that. I don’t remember her exact words, something about ‘he wouldn’t be safe’.
She was talking about you, man. I don’t know what happened, but something
freaked her out. She was completely terrified. I’d never seen her like that.
I gotta tell you, she scared me too.” “’He wouldn’t be safe’.
Are you sure that’s what she said?” “Yeah, I asked her about
it.” Mulder searched the older
man’s face for a long moment. “Where did she go?” He was already struggling up
from the couch. Frohike moved closer then,
his hand on Mulder’s shoulder forestalling the injured man’s movements. “I
don’t know.” “Frohike.” Mulder's eyes
were narrowed, hard. “I swear. I was able to
track her to Chicago, but she slipped off my radar there. I sent her some
things she requested - “ “What things.” He broke
in harshly. “Faked references, work
papers. After that everything I sent bounced back. There’s been nothing - no
credit applied for, no travel . . . “ He ran down, watching the pain his new
information was causing his friend. “Mulder, listen to me, she
was trying to protect you. She . . . “ The look on Mulder’s face stopped him.
“Let me try some more places. You need some time to heal. I won’t keep
anything else from you, but you can’t go off looking for her. Not now.” “What kind of job?”
Mulder ignored the rest. Frohike sighed,
“Physician’s assistant. Not a full doctor.” He did take the seat beside Mulder
finally. How was he going to be able to keep the man here now? ***** Chapter 3 “Kat, I’m going home now.
Do you want me to lock up?” “Thanks Greg, yes please.
I’ll be here for a little while.” “You should go on home
yourself.” The nurse scolded her mildly. “You’ve already put in more than a
full day, again.” “I won’t be long. If I
don’t finish this tonight, I’ll just have to face it in the morning.” He couldn’t dispute that.
“Okay, I’m locking you in. Not late, I'm going to check.” “I promise. Tell Pilar
good night for me.” The young man gave her a
nod and a wave, then left her office. She heard the dead bolt turn on the back
door and tried to return to her paperwork. A few minutes later her
eyes wandered back to the door. She could see him, framed in the door, so tall
and strong and beloved. If only. Damn she was hormonal today. Then he moved. “Scully?” She jerked, eyes wide in
disbelief and . . . and fear. For an instant he had the impression of someone
waking. “Mulder, Mulder, no. You
can’t - “ “I thought we needed to
talk.” He interrupted her, his voice hard, harsh. “You can’t be here,
Mulder. Please, go home. We can’t - “ “Can’t what, Scully? Be
together? You’ve made that abundantly clear. I just want to know one thing.”
He finally moved into the room. It barely registered to her that he was
limping. “What did I do wrong?” Tears blurred her vision,
but she dashed them away when he more collapsed than sat in her chair. His
face was tight with pain. “Mulder!” She was on her
feet then, rounding the desk to get to him. She was seeing him for the first
time now - not her fantasy of the man she loved, but him, now. He was gaunt,
his face had deep lines in it and there was more than a sprinkle of gray at his
temples. She remembered the limp then and knelt beside him. “He said you’d be
safe.” His hand grasped her wrist
in a painful grip. “Who? Who said I’d be safe?” She looked at his hand
around her arm. She couldn’t face him. “Spender.” It was less than a whisper. His grip tightened. “And
you believed him? Again?” “You’re hurting me.” He released her instantly
and turned away, looking down at his hands. He went silent. “I’m sorry. I thought . .
. “ She closed her mouth when he shook his head, not looking up from his hands. After a long moment, she
helped herself up, holding onto her desk. She was staggered by this, by his
pain both emotional and physical. She didn’t realize he had
looked up and was watching her. He had focused on her body. She watched a
shaking hand come out and lay gently on the soft swell of her abdomen. He would
see her breasts were bigger. She closed her eyes for an instant. Of course he
would notice, but would he ask? “We need to talk. Come
on; I live near here.” He seemed to nod and after
a moment started struggling to his feet. She reached to help him and he pulled
away. It felt like a slap. He didn’t notice; he just turned toward the door. She watched as he
retrieved a cane from down the hall but didn’t comment. It would have to wait.
When they arrived at the door she found that it was still dead bolted. “How did you get in?” “I was here earlier. I
waited until everyone left,” he said simply. She merely opened the
door. “Where’s your car?” “A couple of blocks
down.” His voice was flat. “Yours?” “I’ve been walking to
work. It’s close.” She turned toward her home and started walking. For a
change his steps didn’t outpace hers but she could see that he wasn’t prepared
for the drop in temperature in the desert. He was beginning to shiver. The
problem was she couldn’t tell if it was the coolness of the night or the strain
of the walk. He didn’t have his hand on
her back. Half way down the second
block, she turned into a driveway. “Here? You live here?” He stopped despite
his growing discomfort. “Yes. Why?” He gestured toward the car
parked in front of her house. “That’s mine.” She looked up at him.
Coincidence? No, not with them. She moved on to the door and pulled out her
keys. He followed more slowly. When he entered the house she knew he was on
the verge of collapse. “Here. Sit here.” She
motioned toward the couch. When he swayed, she moved to his side and though he
protested, helped him to the couch. She pulled the afghan down and placed it
around his shoulders. He looked like he wanted to argue, but didn’t have the
energy. “I’m going to make some
dinner. Why don’t you rest for a few minutes? You can use my room.” “No thanks. I know I’m
not welcome in your bed.” He closed his eyes then, letting his head fall back to
rest on the couch. He couldn’t look at her, couldn’t face the look in her eyes. She heated up some of the
soup that she had made over the weekend. When she looked back into the room,
she realized he had drifted off, at the end of his rope. The lines in his face
had not eased out. She picked up the phone
and moved to the bedroom in order not to disturb him. Frohike’s card was where
she had hidden it. She dialed quickly. “It’s late.” The voice snapped, not
happy to be awakened. “It’s me.” “Scu - “ There was a long
pause. “Katherine?” “Yes.” She was surprised
at the tears that formed in her eyes. “Are you okay?” “How did he know where to
find me?” “He’s there? How
the hell - “ Another long pause, then
“Not where you were. Just the name. I had to tell him something.” “Why?” The heavy sigh disturbed
her. “To save his life.” “What happened?” They
both heard the quaver in her voice. “He was shot.” He heard
her gasp, but she didn’t interrupt. “Baldy put him on leave. He said he wasn’t
going to let him commit suicide on the job.” “S-suicide?” She felt
cold. “That’s the word Baldy
used. We were there, in the hospital. Baldy was shaken. Our boy has not been
. . . okay. Apparently he started taking some real chances at work. Dumb
ones. He doesn’t seem to care if he lives or dies. This was just the latest
and most boneheaded. We didn’t know how bad he was. He’s been avoiding us
lately, hell, he’s been avoiding everyone.” “Why?” “Sc- You know why.” “Because I left,” she
said flatly. Frohike was silent then.
There was nothing he could say anyway. “I need to get back to
him.” “Is there anything you
need?” “I . . . I’ll be in
touch.” She broke the connection and just stood looking out into the night.
Finally she gathered her
courage around her, touching the stone that hung around her neck now instead of
her cross, a gift from Albert. Scully sat gently beside him on the couch. He
looked . . . defeated and lost. He was supposed to be safe with her gone. What
the hell had happened? Gently she touched his
arm. “Mulder, dinner is ready.” “Wha - Scully?” His memory
returned instantly and he pulled away from her. “I don’t need - “ “Please, eat with me,
Mulder. I need to eat and I’d like the company.” He didn’t respond, but she
watched him glance back down at her waist and quickly away. Still there were no
questions. His eyes narrowed, but she
was already on her feet. She brought the bowls into the living room. He hated
it, but he wasn’t sure he could make it to the table anyway. After the first spoonful,
he realized how hungry he was and finished the bowl in silence. “More?” He shook his head and set
the bowl back on the tray. He lifted the glass of ice tea to his lips then.
When he returned it to the tray, he sat back and looked at nothing in particular
until she set her own bowl down. She hesitated a moment,
then asked quietly, “How are you feeling?” “What do you care?” He
couldn't keep his anger from his voice. “Mulder, I never meant - “ His look stopped her. But
after a moment, he looked away, “I was shot.” “When? Where?” “The one in my hip went
through cleanly. The one in my side was worse. They had to go in to get the
bullet.” Twice? Frohike hadn’t
said that. “Mulder, when?” “Last week, Thursday.” “Last . . . “ She seemed
to lose her voice at that, she swallowed hard. “What are you doing out of the
hospital?” He shrugged and winced.
Her hands twitched to touch him. “It doesn’t matter.” “Doesn’t matter! You
could get an infection, or - “ “I don’t really care.” “I do.” He looked away then. “You
never answered me.” “What?” “What I did wrong. I
never claimed to be some great lover, but that was a new low, even for me -
driving you out of town.” He forced himself to look at her again, and saw the
stricken look on her face. “That was it, wasn’t it? You couldn’t even
bear to face me.” “No.” It was only a
breath. She seemed to shrink in on herself. All of her plans to send him away,
angry if necessary, blown away by his words. He ached to reach for her
even as he wanted to shake her and scream obscenities in her face. She rose without another
word and moved toward the back of the house. He didn’t attempt to follow her.
In a minute or two he heard the toilet flush and the water run. When she
returned, her eyes were red but she’d obviously washed her face and to some
extent centered herself. Scully stood in front of
him. “It’s not a short story and I'm exhausted. Could we please get into this
tomorrow?" She was telling the truth about herself, but she could see he was
barely able to function. He nodded after a moment
and levered himself off the couch, ignoring her offer of help. When he reentered the
living room, the tray and dishes were gone and she was seated at one end of the
small sofa with her legs tucked under her. She was obviously lost in thought. Again he fought the wave
of desire to hold her against him, but he forced himself to the other end of the
sofa and eased himself back down. He’d deliberately left enough room so that
they wouldn’t brush against one another. It was what she wanted. He glanced at her, then
away. “May I borrow a blanket?” “You’re not sleeping out
here, Mulder. Come on, you can have the bed.” He glanced down at her
body again, “You need your rest too.” “I’ll be fine. Go on and
get ready.” She rose and moved out of his way. “Where are your keys?” “What?” “Keys. To the car. I’ll
get your things.” “You can’t - “ “I can. Go on.” He
remembered that expression, besides it was going to be a struggle to get to the
next room. He nodded finally and fished the keys from the front pocket of his
jeans. He was in the bathroom
when she returned with his bag. It was light; apparently he only brought a
couple of changes of clothes. He had known where to look for her. He’d used
Frohike’s information well, and of course there was that intuition of his. She put his bag on a chair
in her bedroom. She dug out his medicine and checked the dosage, then shook the
pills into her hand and left them on the bedside table. She brought a glass of
water in. He wasn’t out of the bathroom yet, so she left him alone. She
cleaned the kitchen, washing the dishes and putting away the rest of the soup.
When she finally checked, he was in her bed and seemed to be asleep already.
She didn’t test it, just pulled the door nearly closed and retreated to the
living room. He hadn’t bothered to tell her good night. She tried to stay away,
but she couldn't settle down. Frohike's words kept coming back to her.
Suicide. A sound made her turn toward her room. She stood in the doorway,
watching him sleep. He was in a fetal position as though cold, or scared,
occasionally he trembled. He shifted slightly and she saw that he had tears
running down his face. Her heart broke at the
sight. She had abandoned him. It was his worst fear and she had made it real.
She’d made it real after they had finally loved each other. It was the
thought she hadn’t allowed herself to contemplate. She had left him so abruptly
with no thought except to keep him safe. Keep all of them safe. Finally she turned away
and got ready for bed herself. She had planned to sleep on the sofa, but she
couldn’t now. She wouldn’t put more distance between them. She pulled on a
nightgown and carefully slipped into the bed beside him. He didn’t wake, but moved
closer to her, absorbing her warmth. She knew his reserves were completely
depleted. He’d lost over 20 pounds, and he had no business being out of the
hospital, much less traveling across country. She watched him sleep
until her eyes closed. She woke alone in the bed
sometime later and sat up. She spotted him seated in the chair by the window.
The anger on his face was obvious, even in this poor light, but there was also
something else . . . fear? "Mulder?" His eyes narrowed.
"Why?" When she only looked confused, he managed to grind out, "Why are you in
here?" "You seemed cold." His lips parted, but he
changed his mind, rising slowly and making his way out of the room. She heard
the bathroom door close. A few minutes later she heard him move toward the
living room. She rose from the bed and hurried out there. “Come back to the bed,
Mulder.” He shook his head. “I said I’d sleep out
here. I will. I won’t bother you, but please take the bed. You need some
recovery time. Do this for me, please.” She could see him fighting her plea
and she kept her distance, not sure what would anger him more. ***** She did stretch out on the
couch and napped some, but didn’t really sleep until dawn. The knock woke her and she
hurried to answer it. "Are you okay? When you
weren't at the clinic - " Greg stepped inside, taking her arm. "Oh Greg, I'm sorry. I
overslept, it's - " "Let go of her." They both turned to see
Mulder in the doorway of her bedroom. His arms were extended, holding his gun
steady on Greg. "What the hell - " Greg
let go of her instantly as she stepped in front of him, shielding him with her
body. "Mulder, give me the
gun." She held out her hand and moved slowly toward him. "Please, Greg wasn't
hurting me." Mulder's eyes darted to
her, then back to Greg. "Mulder, please." She was
in front of him now, close enough to touch him. She placed her hand over the
gun and he let her take it from him, then he sagged against the door frame.
"Greg, help me." She pulled Mulder's arm
around her shoulder. Greg moved then and half lifted Mulder, supporting him to
the bed. Mulder's eyes closed after giving Greg the once over and lay still on
the bed. Before Scully could stop him, Greg lifted his t-shirt and removed the
bandage. It was the first time she’d seen the angry, red wound. His eyes
widened and he straightened up. "This is a gunshot wound. What the hell is
going on here?" "It's, it’s okay, Greg. I
can handle - " "Handle? This needs
treatment and you know the rules. We have to report this. It’s the law." She straightened up and
tightened the sash of her robe. "Greg, I can't get into this right now, but you
need to know it's already been reported. And he was already treated, when he
was injured in the line of duty." "Line of . . . he's a
cop?" "He's in law enforcement.
There’s no need to report it again. Please, Greg, go on to work. Cover for
me." "You expect me to leave
you alone with him? He pulled a gun on us." "He would never hurt me." "That's not what I saw.
It seemed to be a damn difficult decision. Come on, Kat. You - " "She'll be all right," Mulder spoke then, from behind closed eyelids. Greg's eyes narrowed. "He won't hurt me.
Please." Scully's hand on Greg's arm drew him toward the door. Mulder's eyes
opened then, searching for her. She met his eyes, then tugged Greg out of the
room. He allowed her to lead him to the front door, but stopped. "He's the father." It
wasn't really a question. Scully didn't respond, looking at the floor beside
him. Greg sighed. "I don’t like this. I'm gonna check on you at lunch." She nodded. “I promise to
explain this when I can.” She opened the door and waited. After a long moment, he
spoke, “I’m going to hold you to that.” He took a deep breath, looking back at
the bedroom door before he left. She turned immediately back to her bedroom.
She had the impression Mulder had just reclined, but he was watching the door. "Is that who you're
seeing?" he asked in a dull voice. "No. Greg is a nurse at
the clinic. He's happily married with three kids. He's just sometimes
overprotective of me." Mulder's eyes flicked down
to her waist, then quickly away. She made no comment on it. "I'm going to make
you some breakfast." "You said we would talk."
His hand shot out grabbing her wrist. "And we will, after you
eat. Do not get out of this bed again." His eyes narrowed, but she
merely looked down at his hand, gripping her. His face flushed and he let go of
her, looking away. ***** Chapter 4 She took the tray away
from the bed. He had eaten his scrambled eggs and toast without protest. He
was still drinking his orange juice; she had refused him coffee. She sat the tray on the
dresser and turned to look at him. He slowly put the glass down on her bedside
table. He tried to steel himself for whatever she was going to say. She could
see his defenses go up. Instead of returning to
the bed, she stood at the dresser. “I . . . first I need to apologize.” He looked confused then,
but kept quiet. “I handled things badly.
I . . . I panicked.” “Panicked? That’s not
your style.” He had no inflection in his voice, just stating facts. “No, it’s not.” She
stopped then. Nothing she could think of to say sounded right. “This is new.” “What?” She forced
herself to look at him. “Special Agent Dana Scully
at a loss for words. Let me help. You’re at my place; you’re exhausted and
fall asleep on my couch. I lean over you to cover you up and . . . and take my
shot. I kiss you. I think you enjoy it and take it farther than I should
have. After you think about it - “ “No. No, that is not
what happened. Yes, you kissed me and I did enjoy it. It was the right time
for us. You did not force me, in case that ever crossed your mind.” He looked away, then
back. “It couldn’t have been that good for you.” The tone was sardonic. She met his eyes then.
“It was the best night of my life.” He blinked, unable to take
that in. “I guess you have no
reason to believe that, but it happens to be true. I had every intention of
going to my place, showering and meeting you at work.” “So why didn’t you?” But
his voice was less strained. Tears formed in her eyes,
but she didn’t back down. No matter what happened now, he had to know what had
caused her to leave. “When I got to my place he was there. Inside the
apartment. He was waiting for me. He . . . he told me that he knew we had . .
. been together. He said that they . . .” No prelude, just the facts ma’am. A
report of an incident. Mulder didn’t ask who. The answer was obvious. “How - “ “My chip.” His face fell. He stared
down at his legs, shaking his head. “He told me they would,
would kill you if we . . . “ “Kill me? Why?” “Because I was pregnant.” He looked up at her, his
suspicions confirmed. “It’s mine.” There was no question in his voice. Her eyebrow rose even as
tears filled her eyes at the look on his face. “I believe the technical term is
‘ours’.” Her voice shook on the last word. She thought he might pass
out at those words. So there had been a question after all. “H-how?” “The birds and the bees
and the monkey babies?” He didn’t smile. After a moment she continued. “He
told me ‘they’ knew, or would soon, and they would kill you for it. He gave me
the option of going away to save you or . . . or getting rid of the baby. You
aren’t supposed to have children, Mulder.” His head flew up then and
a look of horror she didn’t understand came over his face. “He, he gave me cash and
said he’d try to protect you, but that we couldn’t be together even without the
baby. Maybe he was lying, but how could I take that chance?” He forced a nod. “I know
how much you wanted a baby.” “Not a baby,
Mulder.” She stopped there. “That’s enough for now. You’re exhausted. You
had no business coming out here in your condition.” There was more to talk
about, so much more, but she was right. He was at the end of his rope. Hearing
this had sapped his resolve in ways he hadn’t anticipated. Without a word, he slid
down in the bed and turned his back to her. Tears finally slipped from her eyes
when she closed them. She let herself out of the bedroom and pulled the door
closed. He rolled over and looked
at the door once he heard it close. It was all his fault, like he had
always thought. He was the reason for everything that had happened to her from
the beginning. He wasn’t supposed to have children, him not her.
It wasn’t only the FBI that had a pool going apparently. ***** She grabbed the phone in
mid-ring. “Hello?” “Are you okay?” Greg’s
voice was concerned. “I shouldn’t have left you.” “I’m fine, Greg. Mu-he’s
asleep. He’s too weak to be a danger to me.” “Now you that have the
gun, maybe. Is he your ex?” “No, he . . . it’s
complicated.” “No shit, Kat.” “Please, just give me a
little time.” “How much time? I still
think we need to report that gunshot.” “No! Please, Greg. He is
the father, but he didn’t know. I left before he could find out.” “Is he married?” “No. We were . . . I
can’t explain this right now. Please give me some time.” “I don’t feel right about
this.” “The man you saw this
morning is under tremendous stress and he’s injured. But what he was doing was
protecting me. Don’t you see that? He threatened you because you had hold of
me. Please, think about it.” There was silence on the
other end of the phone as Greg recreated the scene in his head. Finally she
heard him sigh. “I’m stopping by on my way home.” “That’s fine. How’s
work?” “We’re holding our own.
It’s not that bad.” “Call me if you run into
anything you can’t - “ “Will do. You take care
of yourself.” He hung up the phone and after a moment so did she. “That your protector?” She jumped at the sound of
his voice. “I’m sorry. I tried to get the phone before it woke you.” “I was already awake.” She nodded, then an uneasy
silence descended between them. Finally she turned to face him, “Would you like
some lunch?” “Have you eaten?” “Uh, no. I didn’t . . . “ “You should be looking
after yourself.” He scanned her body again. He couldn’t seem to stop. She nodded, “I’ll fix us
something. You should get off your feet.” He gave a sad sort of
chuckle and followed her into the kitchen. He took a seat at the table. That
startled her. “I - “ “I’m sorry, Scully.” “What?” She turned to
him, confused. “All those things they did
to you, the abductions, the tests, the can-cancer, it was my fault, all of it.” “Not this again. Mulder -
“ “They didn’t want me
to have kids. You said it yourself. Why they didn’t take care of it by . . .
working on me, I don’t know.” Her eyes widened. “You
can’t take that on. Mulder, it’s - “ “It’s true.” She’d seen that stubborn
set of his jaw before. She sighed, “I don’t want to fight about this now. It
doesn’t matter; I am pregnant despite all of that.” He swallowed hard and his
eyes returned to her waist again. “Do you . . . what do you want to do about
that?” “What do you mean, do
about it?" He started back at her
tone. “I mean, I know you wanted a baby but, but mine?” He didn’t see the slap
coming and his ears rang, though he did hear her words as she slammed into her
bedroom. “Obtuse son of a bitch . . .” There was more but that’s what he heard
most clearly. When he could, he rose to
his feet and headed slowly for her room. He tapped but didn’t wait for her
invitation, fairly sure it wouldn’t come. She was sitting on the edge of the
bed and didn’t acknowledge him. “I’m . . . I don’t know
what to say.” He fumbled for words at the sight of her. “Then don’t say anything.
Just give me a few minutes.” Never one for caution, he
continued. “You want to have my baby.” “Why would think that,
Mulder? I mean I’m sleeping with so many men, and my social life is just - “ “Don’t hit me again,
please.” He interrupted her and took a seat beside her on the bed. “I was just
. . . I didn’t . . . hell, Scully I’m still back at we made love one night and
you left town. The reason you did it hasn’t sunk in yet. To save my life, to
save our . . . our child’s life is a new concept for me.” “It’s not exactly
something I’m all that familiar with myself.” Her voice wasn’t very friendly. “You . . . Scully, do you
care for me?” Her eyes flashed with
fire. “Why would you think that? Maybe I was just looking to get laid - “ “Scully.” “Well how can you ask
me that? It’s taken me, us, years to get to that point. I thought we
were together on our timing, finally.” He sat there speechless.
She had thought there was a time when he didn’t want her? She seemed to wilt beside
him. Finally he reached out and put his arm around her, pulling her to him.
She resisted for a moment, then sighed and let herself lean into him. He closed
his eyes, his Adam’s apple bobbed in relief. “What are we going to
do?” she finally asked. “Do we have to do anything
right now?” “No, but . . . Mulder, you
can’t stay here. It’s not safe and you obviously weren’t planning to. You only
brought a couple of changes of clothes.” His sudden stiffness made her look up
and she caught his expression before he could hide it. She pulled away slightly,
her mouth dropped open. “You weren’t going back, were you? But you brought
your gun.” It wasn’t a question and the outrage in her face frightened him.
“Were you going to kill me first, before you shot - “ “No! Scully, I would
never - “ “You thought I could live
after you’d done something like that?” “I didn’t know what I
would find, Scully. I knew Spender had been in your apartment. I didn’t - “ “How - ” “I smelled him,” he said
softly. “How long do you think I could wait that morning to go looking
for you?” He felt her relent slightly. “I didn’t know what he’d done to you.
And I couldn’t believe you’d just go off with him again, not after last time. I
searched for you . . . until the email to Skinner. Then I had to face that you’d
left because of me, because of what I’d done.” ”You hadn’t done
anything, Mulder.” “Obviously not enough," he
grimaced. “You didn’t get me
pregnant alone.” “Oh god.” He closed his
eyes for an instant. “You really are pregnant.” He reached for her, and hissed
as he pulled on his stitches. “Mulder, you need to lie
down.” “I’m okay,” he groused,
but he allowed her to help him recline. She felt his head for fever. “Don’t go
doctor on me now, Scully.” “I am a doctor,
Mulder. And you feel a little warm.” “Well sure, you’re in my
arms.” She rolled her eyes, but
made no comment. He seemed to be weakening. His stamina was gone. “Get some
rest, Mulder.” She started to rise. “Do you have to go
anywhere?” “No, I was going to get us
some lunch, and get you some aspirin. Why?” “Nothing.” “Rest.” She did rise then
and left the room; leaving the door open this time. He watched her leave. His
emotions were all over the place. She hadn’t left him; she’d left to protect
him. She hadn’t betrayed him with Cancerman. And, and she was carrying his
child. He was quiet when she
returned, though his eyes followed her. “Mulder?” He opened his mouth to
speak, but then shook his head. Concern took over her face and she felt his
forehead again. “Come on, take this, then I want you to eat and take a nap.” “You too.” She blinked at
that, but after a moment, nodded. “In here.” “You’re not going to throw
me out again?” His face flushed at that.
“I was upset.” She cleared her throat,
“Eat. I don’t want you to take the medicine on an empty stomach.” ***** He was still asleep when
she woke. His breathing seemed heavy, but he wasn’t restless. She touched his
face and, with a frown, slipped from the bed. He was warm, too warm. Wasn’t
there a thermometer in her bathroom? She found it and rather
than wake him, slipped it under his arm. Her eyes widened when she checked it.
102.2, plus a degree. She gathered up his
medication and moved to the kitchen and checked it out once more. It was what
she would have prescribed. But had he taken it? Obviously not, why would he
with what he’d been planning? She shivered at the thought, then squared her
shoulders. She didn’t know if he had forgiven her, if he could
completely forgive her or trust her, but she could treat him. Immediately she called the
clinic. “Greg, I need some help.” “Did he hurt you?” Greg’s
voice was low, urgent. “No. He’s ill. He’s
running a fever. I need you to bring me some penicillin. I’m not going to be
able to get medicine down him. How busy are you?” “It’s not that bad. Be
glad it’s not a full moon. I’ll run this over now. Anything else?” “Some cooling pads. I
think I have everything else I need here.” “Oh my way.” He hung up
and she unlocked the front door, then returned to the bedroom. In just a couple of
minutes she heard the tap on her door, then Greg opened it, “Kat?” She moved to the door and
motioned him on in. “Brought you one of the electronic thermometers.” He spoke
low, “Is he having any problems breathing?” She shook her head as she
prepared the injection. “Help me roll him.” Greg shifted him slightly
and he protested mildly, but didn’t wake. He grunted when she injected him,
then Greg helped settle him onto his back. Greg was the one who put the
thermometer in his ear. “Kat, he’s at 103.1.”
“I know.” She broke open
one of the cooling pads. Greg removed the t-shirt from him, so that she could
have better access. She froze at the sight.
Her cross was around his neck. She hadn't spotted it before. “He needs to be in a
hospital on IV drugs. You can’t keep him - ” “I can look after him
here.” She needed to be alone with him. Greg took her arms,
standing her upright. “You can’t. He’s sick, Kat. He needs more than you have
here.” She shook her head, not
backing down. What would happen if they realized he was here, with her? “I can call Dr. Summerlin
and - “ “No," she protested
immediately. "There’s no reason to get him involved.” “And no need, right?
You’re no PA, you’re a full MD, aren’t you?” “Greg - “ “I know, ‘it’s
complicated’. I’ve known it for awhile. You obviously have the creds, Kat.
Don’t worry, I’m not going to say anything. Look, keep him here this
afternoon. I’ll check back after the clinic closes. If he’s still like this,
we’ll have to make other arrangements.” She stared up at the large
man. “Greg, I - “ He shook his head, “You’ve
done a world of good around here. There’s a reason you’re here and we’re
benefiting from it.” He squeezed her shoulders, then looked back at the man
sleeping in the bed. “If anyone can do it, I’m betting on you. Call me.” Greg let himself out,
leaving her alone with him. She sank into the bed beside him. He was wearing her cross.
Had he planned to keep it on when he killed himself? Had he even wanted her to
see that he had it? Her eyes burned with unshed tears. Now wasn't the time.
She had to get him well, that was all that mattered. She turned over the
cooling pad. By the time Greg returned,
she had to concede he was correct. Mulder needed more. He was too weak; he’d
not been interested in healing. At Greg’s insistence, they maneuvered him out
to his rental car and transported him to the clinic. He was completely
non-responsive now and his breathing was definitely labored. With Greg’s help, she got
the IVs set up and began oxygen to supplement his breathing. His fever was
hovering around 104 now. She refused to leave his
room. Greg finally left her long enough to get her some dinner and report
home. She ate at his side. ***** After three days, he was
worse. Greg was ready to drug her to get her some rest. No argument seemed to
phase her, even invoking the child she carried didn't seem to help. The IVs
were still carrying medicine and nourishment into his body, but they could see
no response. ***** Naomi opened the door and
looked over at the patient. She turned to look behind her and Albert followed
her in. Mulder was quiet and pale, his breathing labored, but it was the woman
beside him Naomi was more worried about. “Dana.” Scully looked up and saw
the woman that had looked after her when she had first arrived. “N-Naomi,
Albert, help him.” Her eyes showed her fear. “I can’t get his fever down. I’m
not sure he’s strong enough to be moved.” “When did you last rest?”
Naomi took her arm as Albert moved closer to the bed. “Rest! I can’t leave
him. I - “ “You need to look after
the little one too, Dana.” She shook her head. “I
can’t leave him.” “He needs you, Dana, but
right now you can’t reach him. And you’ve exhausted yourself. We will stay
with your Mulder, but you must lie down.” Albert pointed to the second bed in
the room. “That would be the most help for you both right now.” “You won’t leave him?” “We won’t leave either of
you. Rest, Dana. It is what you both need.” Naomi helped her to recline and
covered her with the light blanket. When she turned back to her father-in-law,
he was fastening a cord around Mulder’s neck. Now a stone that matched Scully’s
rested on his chest beside her cross. ***** Scully stirred and sat
up. Where was she? She had been at the clinic with Mulder. She’d been resting
at Albert’s insistence. Now she was parked on the side of the road. The
driver's side of the car was empty. Was she asleep? She
couldn’t be; she could feel the seatbelt around her. This was a rental car,
like the hundreds she’d been in with Mulder. Was he here? She looked around
but didn’t spot him. Finally she opened the door to the car and got out.
He had to be here;
otherwise she would have been in the driver’s seat. Had he taken a bathroom
break? It was going to get dark soon, where had he gotten to? She took a few steps from
the car and looked around again. She could feel the heat from the ground through
her shoes. How the hell had she gotten here? She felt the need, the pull to
look for him. She had to find him, but where was he? She found her hand
around the stone Albert had given her. For some reason that made her feel more
confident. She headed out into the
desert. She’d keep the car in sight, but she had to find him. The feeling was
getting stronger - he needed her. She walked longer than she
thought she would, but she couldn’t stop. He was out here somewhere. The car
was long out of sight before she finally spotted him. He had his back to her.
For some reason she didn’t call out to him. She continued toward him, but he
didn’t seem to notice. Then she saw that he was
crying, his shoulders were slumped and tears were making their way down his
face. She turned to see what he was looking at and finally saw the others.
There was a little girl, walking away from him. She wasn’t hurrying, just
walking and not looking back. She had long dark hair that flowed down her back. Behind her and to the
right was an older woman with silver hair. She too was just walking away,
without a backward glance. Something made her look
over to the left and walking away at a different angle from the other two was a
dark haired woman. And there were others, drifting away, leaving him all alone. Then she saw the slight
red-headed woman. She was trailing behind the young girl and the older woman,
but she too was leaving him without noticing him standing there. Wait a minute
- that looked like her. She opened her mouth to
call out to him, but found she couldn’t speak. And she couldn’t seem to get
closer to him, no matter how fast she walked. Then it hit her, this was
what he saw, the girl - that was Samantha and, and the woman was Teena. Scully
turned toward the brunette. That was Diana. She had left him, in a different
way, but Diana too had abandoned him. But she hadn’t, at
least she hadn’t meant to. He wasn’t even trying to
go after these women. He looked so . . . so defeated. No! She was here; she
wasn’t going to leave him. Not now. If she’d been thinking straight she would
never have left in the first place, but she had been so shaken by Spender’s
words. She looked down and realized she wasn’t pregnant. No, no! She wouldn’t
allow him to be abandoned by the family he had created. “Mulder!” Startled, he turned
slightly as though he had heard something. She found herself able to move then
and quickly closed the distance between them. “Mulder.” He shook his head, “You’re
not here. You left, just like everyone else. I trusted you, I let myself, I
let myself love you. Of course you left.” “I’m back,” she said
simply. “I was wrong. I should have talked to you.” He looked again at the
retreating backs of his sister and his mother. “Why? No one else has.” “No one else has ever
loved you like I do,” she said simply. She watched him look down
at her body then and realized she was large with his child. He looked at her
body for a long moment. She reached out her hand to him and when he wouldn’t
take it, grasped his fingers. “We need you.” His eyes had such yearning
but he still didn’t speak. “Please, let me earn your
trust again.” She moved closer and rose on her toes to meet his lips. He
didn’t close his eyes, watching her kiss him. “Mulder, I want to be with you.
Please.” She saw the hope grow in
his eyes. ***** She blinked as she woke,
disoriented. Oh, the clinic, Mulder! She looked toward him in the next bed to
see Naomi smiling, Albert stood there nodding. “His fever just broke,” Naomi said quietly. “I’ll get Greg to help me change the linens.” Scully slipped from the
adjacent bed and reached for him. His eyes were flickering. “Mulder, can you
hear me?” She felt for his hand and he weakly took her fingers in his own. “Sc . . . “ “Shh. I’m here. I’m
right here and I’m not leaving you. We’re not leaving you.” She brought
his hand to her lips. His eyes locked on hers.
She smiled through her tears. He relaxed and closed his eyes. *****
She blinked, that statement stunning her into silence for an instant.
“Where are you now?”
“What did you tell him?”
Finally his shoulders relaxed and he nodded. He turned away from her and
returned to her bedroom without looking at her.
God, what he had done to her life. Why hadn’t this latest shooting just killed
him? Then he couldn’t hurt her anymore. After a long time, he fell asleep.
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