Random Thoughts (PG-13)

He tried to burrow deeper into the corner knowing it wouldn’t help.  He needed to get away but he wasn’t able.  He needed solitude but that no longer existed anywhere.  How ironic that he had always thought that reading someone’s mind would be ‘cool’.  His brain seared again as the nurse moved down the hall and past the door to his padded room.

The nurse was having an affair with one of the doctors on staff here and her mind whirled with fear, guilt and lust as she dwelled on how to meet him tonight. 

Oh god, the custodian was mopping the hall again.  He was so worried about his wife, she’d been diagnosed with cancer and -

A doctor walked past him.  He’d just bought his daughter out of her second DUI.  It was more expensive this time since she was over 18.  He’d have to send the twit somewhere to dry out -

$50, a sucker bet.  Damn, the orderly was out there now - the bitch was hot for him, he’d have no trouble getting her in bed tonight. 

Mulder wanted to moan, how many people were out there in the damn hall anyway?

He left the corner, pacing again.  That seemed to be all he could do trapped like this, huddle in the damn corner for a few minutes, then start pacing again.  He couldn’t sleep, there was no peace, no quiet, ever.

He could feel Diana looking at him through the cameras.  She was concerned but mostly wary, not sure what he was going to reveal, what he knew now.  Scully had been so right about her, Diana had been on the other side from the beginning.  She’d worked with the people that had hampered him, kept him in the dark all along.  She’d profited greatly from it, both financially and career-wise. 

Skinner was out there, he was feeling responsible and he was worried, worried about him.  Mulder understood that; Skinner didn’t like the feeling of helplessness.

She was here!  Finally she’d come and her thoughts were like a balm to his fevered brain.  He wasn’t sure why that was true, she was furious.  Her mind was racing with ways to treat him.  And, and underneath it . . . it hit him like a blow to the sternum, she loved him.  He had known she cared, hell she was his best friend, most times his only friend.  She understood him; she listened and even respected him.  But he’d never dared hope for this.  Dana Scully was in love with him.  And there was the . . . the jealousy.  He was stunned, Scully, jealous of anyone was absurd. 

He felt a stab of his own jealousy as Skinner took her hand.  It was for comfort only, Scully hadn’t even noticed.  Her mind was on him.

He cringed as Scully’s fury spiked.  Diana had approached her, thanking Scully for coming as though Diana had some responsibility for him.  Skinner was there and then a doctor joined them.  Scully was demanding information about him.  Damn, he’d never known her more angry.  The doctor was trying to placate her, but he didn’t know what was wrong either.

No, no! He would never be a danger to Scully.  He couldn’t be.  He wouldn’t be violent with her, he could calm down.  If he could touch her, just for a moment . . . hold her.  Oh god, they were taking her away.  “Scullly!”  He screamed directly into the camera.  God, she couldn’t leave!

He felt Diana winced at the sound of his voice.  Skinner noticed, but Scully was totally focused on the screen.  It was the first coherent thing he had managed to say in days; days they had kept him from her.  Diana was remembering holding him, trying to comfort him in his apartment.  Had that really happened?  He’d thought it was a nightmare.  He was with Scully, with Scully, regardless of self imposed barriers.

They had moved out into the hall, that damn freeway of a hall and were talking.  Diana pretending she didn’t know about the case, Skinner giving up information he didn’t realize had been sent to him surreptitiously. 

Scully’s fury spiked again and he moaned, his hands to his head.  Liars!  They were all liars except Scully.  Don’t leave, god Scully, don’t leave!