They fell into a routine. He’d never eaten better in his life and even Scully had finally gained a little weight. It was on his third night that she insisted on attempting the stairs on her own. He had hold of her arm, which she semi-grudgingly allowed.
"Are you doing okay?"
"I’m fine Mulder." She felt him stiffen beside her and turned to look at him. "What? What did I say? Mulder?"
"Nothing. It’s okay."
"Tell me, please."
"That’s a phrase that I’ve heard from you a lot. It usually meant ‘leave me alone’ or ‘this is none of your business’."
"Are you sure that’s what I meant?" She asked gently.
"Yeah, I’m sure. You’re a very independent woman Scully, you don’t appreciate my hovering over you."
"Why did you feel the need to hover?" He shook his head, he didn’t want to get into this now – her abduction, her cancer, and oh god, Emily.
"Later." He managed to say and to his surprise she accepted that, nodding once and continuing down the stairs. He looked up to see Mrs. Scully at the foot of the stairs watching them and smiling.
Scully smiled back at her. "See? I am getting better, I told you."
"It can’t happen too soon for me."
"Wanting to throw me out?"
"Not exactly, though I do want it to be an option."
Scully looked over at Mulder, "How wanted can you be?" He didn’t respond. This wasn’t the way his family had interacted and having her thrown out of here might cut down on the amount of time he'd get to see her. "You’d take me in, wouldn’t you?"
He nearly fell down the rest of the steps himself. She actually had to catch him when he missed the next step.
"Well I guess that was a no." She grinned at him, a little pleased at his discomfort.
"That was a yes, Scully. Anytime, any place." He realized immediately that her mother was listening to everything they said and clammed up. Maggie had retreated from the area as soon as she saw that Dana had instinctively moved to protect him in spite of her own limitations. Besides, her smile could be easily misinterpreted.
*****
A couple of evenings later while they were all relaxing in the living room over coffee, something Mulder had never done prior to this interlude in his life, Maggie put her cup down and turned to the two of them sitting on the sofa.
"I’ve missed my church group twice now and I’d like to go tomorrow night. Why don’t the two of you go somewhere to eat? You haven’t been out of the house yet and I think it’s time."
"Mom!" Good grief did the woman have nothing else to do but think up activities for she and Mulder?
"What, I think it’s a wonderful idea? What do you think Fox?"
"Don’t answer that." Scully turned back to her mother. "Mom, you’ve already roped him into coming over here every night, you don’t have to force him to take me out. I’m perfectly capable –"
"So why haven’t you left the house Dana?"
Scully looked away; truly uncomfortable with the direction this conversation was taking.
"Scully, I think it would be fun." He quietly responded.
"Sure, take her side." But she wouldn’t look at him. "Does your mother go around fixing you up with women."
Mulder had to chuckle at that. "You really don’t remember my mother, do you Scully? Besides, you really should get out of the house." He was close enough to see the look of fear flit across her face. "Scully?"
"What is it Dana?" Her mother leaned forward.
Scully sighed; no way these two would let it go. "What if I see someone I’m supposed to know and don’t . . . "
"Fox will be there with you, Dana. He’ll help you." It was as though their hands found each other without conscious thought. She suppressed her smile; did they even notice that they were holding hands? "Well, think about it. I won’t be here tomorrow night and I think you could have a good time going somewhere." At that she stood and took the tray back into the kitchen.
"Do you not feel up to it Scully?" His thumb was making circles on the back of her hand. "I don’t want to push you."
She took a deep breath. "It’s not that, I don’t feel like going hiking yet, but . . . I think I’m scared and I hate that."
He was a little surprised that she would admit that, she seemed to trust him. Was that a good thing? He’d never hurt her, not if it was humanly possible not to, but he’d caused so much pain for her.
Now she was squeezing his hand. "You look as scared as I feel. Do you think I’m not ready?"
"No! God, no. You’re more ready than I am to handle just about anything. I was thinking about . . . something else."
She took a deep breath, "Let’s do this Mulder. Please?"
As always she was the stronger of the two of them. He nodded. "Any place special you want to go?"
That stopped her, "Do I have a favorite?"
"Well, I usually drag you to some greasy spoon and force french fries down you. We could go some place nice for a change. I can pretty much guarantee we won’t run into anyone we know at a place like that."
She laughed and he was mesmerized. "I don’t know what to wear."
"The blue dress with the cummerbund. It makes your eyes even bluer." He spoke promptly, then realized what he’d given away and his face took on more color.
"Is it here?"
"I’ll bring it by in the morning on my way to work."
"Do you want my key?"
"I have my own." She looked startled at that. He had a key, he knew her wardrobe, but he assured her they hadn’t been lovers. Okay, if she didn’t remember why soon she’d have to confront him.
He arrived the next night just as Maggie was leaving. She commanded them to have a good time and she’d see him tomorrow and was gone. He finally got a chance to appreciate how Scully looked. She had lost a little weight but she looked beautiful in the dress.
"Mulder, I have to ask, is this the lowest cut dress I own?"
He grinned, "Yep."
"I thought so." She shook her head but smiled at him. "Ready?"
"I made reservations downtown, I hope you like it."
*****
"May I take your drink order?" The waiter leaned just a little too close in for Mulder’s taste.
"Scully?"
"Ice tea please."
"Two ice teas." The waiter nodded and left.
"Mulder, I can’t drink because of the medication, but if you’d like wine or a beer, I don’t mind."
"I don’t drink much Scully." At her look he continued, "My father enjoyed his drinks just a little too much. I don’t want that."
She nodded, "You don’t talk much about your family."
"Mine wasn’t like yours. There’s not much to talk about."
"Are your parents still alive?"
He was startled by the question. "Sometimes I forget that . . . My father’s dead, my mother had a stroke a couple of years ago, but she recovered." He stopped there and she could feel his discomfort at the topic. Since she wasn’t sure why it bothered him, she dropped it for later. She wanted to enjoy tonight.
The food was wonderful and while the service was a little too conscientious in his opinion, it was still an idyllic evening.
"Mulder, I’ve been meaning to ask and I keep putting it off,
but . . . "
"Ask me anything Scully."
"You’ve spent so much time with me, first in the hospital and now every night, is there some woman out there who’s going to come after me?"
"Are you asking if I’m seeing anyone?" She nodded. "No, no there’s no one else in the picture."
"Promise me if someone comes into the picture you’ll tell me and take the time you need for yourself."
"I’m where I want to be Scully. Don’t worry about it." She looked in his eyes and saw the truth, so she dropped it.
"How are you Scully?" An obvious change in subject. "Are you getting tired?"
"Actually I feel energized. This is a lot better than I’d hoped. Do you have any plans?"
"Plans?"
"I mean, do you have to take me home now?"
"Of course not. What would you like to do?"
"See your apartment."
"My . . . my apartment? Not yours?"
"You’re the person I’m trying desperately to remember. Maybe seeing your place will trigger something. Unless . . . if you don’t want me – "
"No, that’s not it. I’m trying to remember the last time I put clothes in the laundry basket instead of on the floor."
She laughed lightly and he drank it in. "Is that an unusual occurrence?"
"No." He admitted sheepishly.
"Then that’s the way I need to see it, looking normal. I have been there before, haven’t I?"
"Oh yeah. You have a key to my place too."
"How cozy."
"It’d be even cozier if you’d pick up my dirty clothes sometime."
"Dream on Mulder."
"I was afraid of that. You ready?" At her nod he rose and held her chair. This had felt damn close to a date tonight, but he wasn’t going to dwell on it.
*****
He opened the door and bowed her in. She grinned and shook her head at him. Just inside the door she paused, no, as far as she knew she’d never been here. He was watching her closely and she turned to give him a sad smile. It would be okay.
She ventured on into the living room and picked up a video that was lying on the table before he could get in front of her. Scully glanced at the title and looked up at him. "It’s not mine, someone must have left it here."
"Right." She responded dryly and walked to his TV. There she opened the cabinet underneath and saw more of the collection. She turned back to him, her eyebrow high.
Rather than comment he turned away. "Would you like some coffee?"
"Uh, sure." She let him off the hook and saw the deep breath he took. She turned to look around the room. Leather couch, coffee table, TV and VCR, fish tank but she didn’t see any fish in it, and the computer.
It was almost Spartan, like he didn’t spend much time here, or what he did wasn’t all that happy. A rush of compassion came over her and she felt less guilty about the amount of time he was spending at her mother’s. She walked to the computer and saw a photograph of a little girl. She resembled him. Scully picked up the picture and was looking at it when he returned.
"Mulder, do you have children?" She looked up at him.
The comment stopped him in his tracks. She turned the frame so that he could see what she had.
"That’s Samantha." At her blank look he continued, "My sister."
"How old is she Mulder?"
"She would be a year younger than you."
"Would be?" She saw the look of pain on his face. "Mulder, I’m sorry. I didn’t . . ."
He shook his head and took the picture from her, placing it back on the desk. "She’s the reason . . . nevermind. Your coffee’s ready."
"Mulder? I’m sorry." She moved closer to him, what would have been within his arms if he would only make the move. She’d touched some deep pain. Her hand went to his face automatically, pulling him closer to her and without making a conscious decision brought his lips down to hers.
For the briefest moment their lips mated, then he jerked back away from her. "No. No, Scully. We can’t."
She was breathing deeply; he couldn’t stop himself from glancing down at her breasts. Hell, he’d chosen the damn dress. He closed his eyes and stepped away from her.
What had she opened up here? Why wouldn’t anyone tell her about her relationship with this man? Other than knowing that somehow he was her best friend, and that they had apparently worked together for years nobody considered her ‘strong enough’ to handle the knowledge.
Well she was strong enough! "No. Mulder, I want to know what’s going on. I want you to tell me what everyone’s afraid for me to remember."
"Scully, I – "
"Tell me or I’ll find someone who will. I’m tired of being treated like an invalid or a freak. I can’t recall six years of my life! I can feel how important you are to me, but I can’t remember it. Nothing makes any sense. Who ‘took’ me? Why was this done to me? What, you think I can’t hear as well as remember? Talk to me Mulder."
"Now isn’t a good time."
"When is a good time! Damn it Mulder. Forget it, just forget it." She turned and headed for the door.
"Scully." He took hold of her arm, stopping her.
"Let go of me."
"I’ll take you home." He sounded defeated but she pushed that aside.
"I haven’t forgotten the way to my mother’s house."
"You’re not leaving alone."
"Watch me Mulder." She was too angry now to be near him.
"Scully." He was clearly begging.
The look in her eyes gave no quarter. She shook his arm off and continued to the door. "I think you should make other plans for dinner for a while Mulder." And she was out the door.
*****
"Hello?"
"Mrs. Scully – "
"Not Maggie?" There was a lilt in her voice this morning he didn’t understand.
"I want to apologize about last night."
"Well, I appreciate that Fox, but you’re both adults – "
"May I speak to her?" He had to hear her voice, surely she’d calmed down by now.
"What?"
"She was upset and I need her to know – "
"Fox, she never came home last night. I assumed she had stayed with you."
"What?" It was more breath than word.
"Have they taken her again? Fox?"
"I’ll be right there." The phone went dead in her ear and she sank into the nearest chair. Now what?
When the phone rang it was still in her hand and she nearly dropped it. "Dana?"
"Mom, its Bill. Dana’s here. She flew in and she’s dead on her feet. She had no luggage or even enough money for the cab out here. What’s going on?"
"I don’t know. Let me speak to her."
"She’s asleep. Did her memory come back? Is that why she ran?" His tone was moderating into hostile.
"I don’t know Bill. I’ll be there as soon as I can."
"Take your time Mom. I’ll keep an eye on her. Try not to worry." After quick good-byes Maggie tried Mulder’s phone. When there was no answer she hurried upstairs to pack a bag for herself and Dana.
In an amazingly short amount of time Mulder was at her door. She hurried down and flung the door open for him. He looked terrible – as though he’d aged ten years overnight.
"She’s safe Fox. She’s in California. Bill just called." She put her arms around him, not sure if she’d have to support him physically, "Come on in here." She led him to the living room and he sank into his regular seat.
"Fox, what happened last night?" She didn’t sound accusing and her hand was lightly rubbing his shoulder.
"She . . . she wanted to know things I wasn’t ready to tell her. She accused me of treating her like an invalid, like she wasn’t strong enough to hear . . . Mrs. Scully, I’m the one that’s not strong enough to relive it." He looked into this wise woman’s compassionate eyes. "Isn’t she better off not knowing?"
"Fox, these things made her strong, made her the woman you love." He looked up startled and saw the smile in her eyes. "If nothing else, she has to remember Emily. It will be painful, but she’s incomplete without it."
"She’s with Bill?" Maggie nodded. "She said if I wouldn’t tell her, she’d find someone who would."
"Do you want her to only hear this from Bill’s point of view?"
"No! I mean – " He stopped, the man was her son.
"I know what you mean. I think we should get out there."
"I’ll go." She started to protest but stopped herself. These two needed to work things out, they didn’t need her and Dana was okay, physically.
Finally she nodded. "Call me when you get there. Let me know how she is, really."
"Promise. I better get going."
*****
If he believed in such things he’d say the gods were conspiring against him. He had taken the first available flight out of DC, but after a four-hour delay in Chicago he was ready to hijack a plane himself. He’d been in contact with Maggie, but not Scully or Bill. Why warn them and have her go into hiding? But he cringed at what Bill must be telling her.
When he finally arrived Tara opened the door, but before he could speak Bill had yanked the door open and motioned for Tara to leave. "What the hell are you doing here?"
"I need to see Scully. I need to make sure she’s okay."
"A little late for that, don’t you think?" He didn’t try to hide his contempt.
"Just let me talk to her."
"She doesn’t want to have anything to do with you." Bill started to close the door, but Mulder held it open, moving to stop him. "You want me to call the police?"
"Just ask her if she’ll see me. Please."
"Bill." Scully was at the top of the stairs.
"You don’t have to do this Dana."
But she wasn’t listening to him anymore. She was looking at Mulder. He looked . . . anguished. She’d never used that description for anyone, that she could remember she amended, but it was the only word that fit.
He was drinking in the sight of her, believing for the first time that she was truly alive and well. "Scully please."
She nodded, "Bill." He made a disgusted sound but left the room.
"Come on in Mulder."
"I’m not welcome here Scully. Could we go somewhere?"
She gestured to the robe she was wearing. It was obviously Tara’s and too big for her.
"Oh, I have a bag for you. Your mom sent it."
"She’s not with you?"
"No, but she’ll come if you need her."
"She thought I’d only need you?" He didn’t look away, looking her straight in the eye. She was the one that finally broke the contact.
"I’ll get your things." When he returned to the door she motioned for him to enter. "I think it would be better to wait in the car."
She hesitated, then agreed and turned from him. He almost turned her back, but managed to stop himself. He retreated to the car and sat with his hands crossed on the steering wheel and his head bowed upon them. He sensed her near and looked up. He reached for the door handle but she waved him to stop and let herself in.
He drove to a small hotel near the base and she finally broke the silence. "You staying here?"
"I am now. I’ll be right back."
He let her into the room and sat on the bed looking up at her, giving her the position of power. After a moment she spoke. "Why couldn’t you tell me?"
"Are you better off knowing?" In spite of Mrs. Scully, he wasn’t sure how to handle this.
"It’s who I am. Tell me about . . . about Emily." Her voice quavered over the name. "Was she really mine?"
He nodded, "Biologically she was. You didn’t carry her; there was a surrogate. You weren’t aware of her until a couple of weeks before her death."
"Was she yours?" He looked startled at that, then shook his head. "Will you take me to her grave?"
"She’s not there Scully. Bill and your mom don’t know . . . they stole her body. They couldn’t leave us that kind of evidence. We don’t know where . . . "
It was the final straw. He saw it in her eyes as she crumbled. She felt his arms around her as the blackness pulled her under.
*****
She became aware of a cool cloth against her face. "Scully? Can you hear me?" She opened her eyes and saw him gazing down at her.
"Are you in love with me?" For some reason the question didn’t even surprise him, the whole thing seemed to be inevitable.
"Yes I am."
"Are you sure?"
"What?"
"Are you sure it’s love and not pity?" She sounded so matter of fact.
"Pity? Wha – "
"I mean, I have cancer that could reoccur at anytime, no one knows for sure what was done to me when I was taken and I’m barren. It seems more likely that you’d grow to pity me, not to love me."
"It’s love Scully."
"How can you be sure?"
"Because I fell in love with you before any of that happened."
"What?"
He sat beside her on the bed. "It was one of our first cases, a serial killer named Eugene Victor Tooms. The case was brought to our attention by an agent that was attracted to you. I thought it bugged me so much because we were becoming good partners, you listened to me even when you didn’t believe. I was acting damn territorial and you called me on it. Then I found evidence that Tooms had chosen you for his next victim. I thought I’d die trying to get to you, he’d screwed with your phone, and I couldn’t reach you to warn you. That’s the first time I broke down your door." There was a slight smile on his face at that.
"Six years ago?"
"About that."
"And you never said anything?"
"I told you, I don’t aspire that high." He said it lightly but she saw the pain in his eyes.
"I’m beginning to understand what happened to me, but now I need to know what happened to you. What caused you to be you? It started with your sister, didn’t it?" She was unprepared for the moisture that pooled in his eyes.
She sat up then and pulled him into her arms. He tried to pull away but she tightened her grip. "Scully." And then he was crying.
She pulled him down beside her and held him. He seemed as lost as she was. But he was in love with her and she didn’t feel real unless he was with her.
He woke with her in his arms. They were both fully clothed, nothing had happened between them. No, that wasn’t true, nothing physical had happened between them. But they were together like never before. He’d take her to see Dr. Neaman. He’d help her recover her memories, as horrible as some of them might be. And she’d remember him.