This guy
they were searching for was nasty. Mulder
wanted a shower desperately, anything to get away from the case. And he wanted to talk to Red.
He needed to hear her voice. He
had shrugged off his suit coat and loosened his tie when movement caught his
eye. Before he could reach for his
gun, he recognized the woman coming out of his bathroom.
She was
wearing a lacy black teddy. Her
large breasts were threatening to spill out of the top.
He’d always been a breast man, the larger the better, but now after Red
. . . Red was the perfect size, she made this woman seem disproportionate or
something. He didn’t feel an
instant of arousal, only . . . revulsion.
“Fox, come
on. Let’s forget about today.
We both need to relax a little.” She
moved toward him, her hand out. Without
thinking he backed up a step. That
caused her to halt in the small motel room, suddenly very unsure of herself.
“Fox
- “
“Get
out.” He hadn’t bothered to ask
how she had gotten in; he didn’t seem to care.
Her eyes
widened, his voice was completely devoid of all emotion.
“Fox, we .
. . “ the look on his face stopped her.
“Get
dressed and get out Diana. We
don’t have to talk about this again.”
She opened
her mouth to respond, but he had turned away.
Not, however, before she saw his expression.
Mortification suffused her and she snatched up her robe.
She had badly miscalculated. Without
looking at him, as he stood on the far side of the bed studying his feet, she
rushed out. All semblance of
dignity was gone at this point.
When he
heard the door slam shut he let his shoulders slump.
He felt filthy; he couldn’t even call Red, not now. He moved toward the bathroom, shedding his clothes as fast as
he could.
The shower
he took in the cramped bath with the heavy industrial colored shower curtain was
as hot as he could take it. His
skin was red and fevered when he stepped out into the steam.
His skin was sensitive from the scrubbing he had given it, so he didn’t
pull on any clothes, just wrapping the not quite soft towel around his waist.
He
collapsed on the bed and looked at the phone.
Yeah, he needed to talk to her, at least hear her voice.
“Hello?”
A female voice, but not the right one.
“Maggie,
hi.”
“Mulder,
I thought it might be you. Are you
okay? You sound a little . . .
tired.”
“I
am. It’s a tough case.”
“I’ll
get Dana for you. Good luck.”
“Thanks.”
He waited impatiently for the sound of her and he wasn’t disappointed.
“Mulder?”
He could feel the tension lessening just from hearing her voice.
“Mulder, are you okay? Mom
said - “
“I’m
better now.” He would swear he
heard her smile.
“Talk
to me.” She felt comfortable
again, close to him.
“You
first Red. How was your day?” He stretched out on the bed.
“Uh,
well I’ve been doing research on the innovations in pathology for the past
year. There are some new
developments in DNA that are fascinating. But
not as fascinating as you.”
He
felt himself smile for the first time in hours.
“Who are you Red?”
“What?”
She chuckled nervously.
“Nobody
does what you do for me.”
“I
. . . I haven’t done anything.”
“Yeah, you
have. I can’t talk about the
case, but you made it better just getting on the phone.”
“I wish I
was there.” She spoke softly, but
he heard the sincerity.
“I
wish you were too. You can’t
imagine how much.”
She
wasn’t sure what to say to that, so she kept quiet for a moment.
“Is there anything you can talk about?”
“Do
you own a black teddy?”
“Uh,
no.”
“Good.
Don’t ever get one.”
“O . . .
okay. Are you going to explain
that?” She gave a nervous
chuckle.
“No.
Red, I don’t want to, but I have to get off.
I’ll be up most of the night anyway going over this stuff.
I just needed . . . “
“You can
call me anytime. If you need to
talk at three in the morning, just call.”
“I don’t
think the captain would appreciate that.”
“He’d
understand. I’m not kidding
Mulder, call me.”
He sighed
lightly, “Just knowing I can helps.”
“When will
you be home?”
“I’m not
sure. As soon as possible.
I really need to get started. Night,
Red.”
“Good
night.” He reluctantly hung up
the phone. Her voice really had
cleansed him a little. He picked up
the file and began retracing the evidence they had.
*****
He actually
hung his coat on the coat rack, rather than drop it on the chair. Red would be over tonight.
It had been days since he'd seen her.
The phone calls just weren't enough and he wanted the place to look at
least okay. He turned toward the
kitchen, but stopped at the knock on the door.
Was she here already?
He pulled
open the door with a smile on his face. It
faded when he saw Diana standing there. “What
do you want?”
“We
need to talk.”
“I
don’t think we have - ”
She looked
him in the eye and he looked away first, but allowed her entry. They had barely spoken since the debacle in his motel room
and that had been fine with him. She
didn’t move toward the couch, standing in the entry while he reluctantly
closed the door. He turned toward
her but didn’t offer her a seat.
“You’re
a fool Fox.”
He blinked,
“Wha - “
“You’re
a fool.” She repeated. “They’re watching you.
They’ve been watching you. And
they know about her, they’ve known from the beginning.
Oh, if someone else had found her, had harbored her until her memory
returned, then maybe she could have slipped under their radar, but no, you
had to find her, you had to bring her
home and now you have some sort of relationship with her.
That puts her in even more danger.”
“I - “
She
continued as though he hadn’t spoken. “You’re
throwing everything away, Fox. They’ve
indulged you so far, letting you play with the X-Files.
You are an incredible profiler, or you were. If you’d only go back to that . . . but you won’t.
You’re obsessed with finding your sister.
Fox, if Dana remembers what really happened to her, hell, who knows what
they’ll do. And if she doesn’t,
Mulder do you honestly think she’ll stay around, with you?”
He tried not
to react to that. “What are you -
“
She
didn’t give him a chance. “Fox,
you are an incredible lover. Technically
probably the best I’ve had. But
technique isn’t everything. A
woman needs to feel a little emotion behind the act.
I don’t think you know how to do that.”
“Diana
this isn't - “ He should be angry, so why was his predominant feeling fear?
“Let
me finish. She’s going to leave
you Fox, it’s inevitable. You’re
not a long-term kind of guy, not for a woman like her.
Look at your relationships. And
when she does go, you’ll realize what you’ve lost.
Your career, your reputation, your dignity . . . and me.”
He
managed to keep quiet then, waiting, though he wanted to shove this woman up
against a wall and demand that she take it back, all of it.
She didn’t know what she was talking about. Of course there had been no emotion with her, but it wasn’t like that with Red. And Red knew it, she did, she had to.
“If you
try to stay with her, they'll take her again or you’ll get her killed,
you’ll get us all killed. I’m
getting out before that happens. I
requested a transfer and it was granted. I’ll
be leaving for Europe at the end of the week.
You do what you have to do, but . . .” She stopped, shaking her head. She knew her words would have the desired effect.
She hadn’t studied the man this long without knowing his weaknesses.
His face was
shuttered now, but she knew the pain she had caused, as well as the insecurity.
Oh yes, she was good at what she did, and she knew when to cut her
losses. He would self-destruct, and
most likely take his precious Dana with him, but she
would be out of the line of fire.
“Think
about what you’re doing Fox, before it’s too late.”
She turned then and let herself out of the apartment, shutting the door
behind her.
After
a moment, he moved with a heavy tread over to the couch.
Get her killed? Have her
taken again, like Samantha was? And
it would be his fault, just like Samantha’s disappearance. How could he live with that?
He didn’t
hear the knock on the door. He
didn’t react until she stood in front of him.
“Mulder?”
”Red. I . . . I didn’t hear . .
. “
“Are you
okay?” She sat beside him, taking
his hand. He didn’t grip her
fingers or play with them. Something
was definitely wrong.
“I, uh got
a new case. I was thinking about
it.”
“Your door
was unlocked.”
He glanced
in that direction. How long had
Diana been gone? Apparently Red
hadn’t seen her. “Guess I was
preoccupied.” He made himself
focus on her. He didn’t want her
to know what Diana had done to him. He
had to think and he couldn’t do that with her here.
“When did
you get it? You were okay just a
little while ago.”
“Yeah,
sorry.” He shrugged, trying to at
least look normal. She didn’t
need to see his devastation. He
just needed to get her out of here. He
had to think.
Dana nodded,
watching him, then leaned forward and touched his face.
“Mulder, there’s something I need to talk to you about.
Maybe now isn’t the best time, if you’re thinking about a case, but
I’ve been trying to find a good time and - “
“What?
Is something wrong? You’re
okay aren’t you?” He couldn’t
help himself, she was the only thing that mattered any more.
She looked
into his eyes, surprised. “I’m
fine, I found out something and I need to share it with you.”
“Found out
something?”
“Do you
remember when we took the picture of Samantha over to the guys?”
“Yeah,
I’d . . . I’d forgotten. Did
they age the picture?”
She nodded
and pulled the uncrumpled copy from her bag.
“This is it.”
He took it
from her reverently, “She’s beautiful.”
“Yes, and
kind and gentle.”
“Wha . . .
Red? What did you say?”
“I’ve
seen this woman. Mulder, she’s .
. . she’s one of the women that came to us after the tests.”
He stared at her, not speaking, too stunned to speak.. “Mulder?” She
pulled him against her and held him.
He felt
stiff, wooden. She wasn’t sure he
could even feel her. Maybe she’d
done this wrong again, but the knowledge had begun to weigh on her.
He needed to know, he needed . . .
He jerked
away from her suddenly and moved to the other side of the room.
“Mulder?”
He shook his
head.
“Mulder
talk to me, please. I know this is
a shock, but I thought you should know.”
“She was
there? She . . . Samantha works for
them?”
“No, I
mean yes, but not like the smoking man. She
was helping us.”
He took a
shaky breath, but couldn’t seem to speak.
“There
were four of them. This woman, a
blond woman, a redheaded man and an oriental man.
They all came to us at one time or another.
They never spoke, but they would hold us, just be with us. I can’t tell you that this is your sister but -
He held up
his hand and she fell silent. After
several very long moments he spoke, but didn’t look at her.
“I need to work on that case I was talking about.”
“You, you
want me to leave? Mulder, I’ve
just told you I think I’ve seen your sister.
I can’t . . . you can’t just turn to a . . . a case.
We need to talk about this.” He'd
been out of town for days. She had
thought they would discuss this, that she could support him tonight. She'd screwed up again.
She should have kept waiting for a better time, but she'd felt so guilty,
keeping this from him. If this was
his sister, then she was alive. His
voice brought her back.
“I’m
sorry, but I think it would be a good idea right now.”
He looked away. Too many
blows, too fast. If he had an
actual sighting of her . . . but that would keep Red near him and therefore in
danger. God, he was almost
physically sick. He needed some
time.
“I
don’t.”
“What?”
He couldn’t even remember what he’d said last.
“I don’t
think you should be alone. You’re
in shock. You’ve been there for
me constantly since you found me out in the woods.
I - “
“No.
That’s not how I . . . I need to be alone.
I’m used to it. I’ll
call you tomorrow.” Go.
Please go Red, before I grab you and never let go.
“Mulder -
“
“I’m
not, I’m not angry, Red. I just
need to think about . . . about things. I
need . . . “
She rose and
moved toward him. He managed not to
flinch, but she could tell he was on the edge.
“Okay, I don’t agree, but I’ll leave.
But you have to promise to call me in the morning.
Mulder, promise me.”
“Yeah,
yeah I promise.”
Her hand
reached out to touch him and he couldn’t stop himself, he stepped back.
He saw the hurt in her eyes, but no words came to him.
She took a
breath, “Okay, I’ll go now. Mulder,
if you change your mind, I . . . I’m here to talk or just be with you.”
“I
know.”
She stood
there for a minute, looking at him, then finally turned toward the door.
This didn’t feel right, but it was what he said he wanted.
He felt distant from her. She
desperately wanted to take him in her arms.
But he’d cringed from her. Maybe
she should give him some space. She
felt . . . she was scared, but he was the strong one.
He’d be okay.
With one
last look she moved to the door. He’d
promised to call. By morning maybe
he’d be okay.
He watched
her go, scarcely able to breathe but it was for her sake.
If she stayed with him they’d take her or, or kill her.
Diana worked with them, she knew what they were capable of.
It didn't occur to him to think about Samantha.
The pain of losing this woman, Red, was too intense.
He stood
where she left him for nearly ten minutes, then he finally leaned over and
picked up his keys. He was moving
like an old man, but then he felt old. He
really had no destination in mind when he got in his car; he just needed to get
out. The apartment held too much
emotion; the sight of his couch where they had made love would kill him now.
He found
himself in front of the guys’ apartment and after he realized it, parked and
got out.
“Mulder?
You okay?” Byers opened
the door and Mulder walked in without a word.
Mulder sank
into a chair as the other two gathered around.
Langly and Frohike looked over at Byers who shrugged.
“I saw the
picture.”
“The
picture? You mean the one of
Samantha? Dana really freaked when
she saw it, then she didn’t mention it again.
We weren’t sure if we should say anything or not.”
Byers sat beside him.
“She was
there, with Red. Not like Diana,
not just a memory, but there.”
All three
men froze in shock. “She was . .
. Samantha was there?”
“Which
means she could be released as well. I
just have to, I need to know if other are going to be released.“
Byers
nodded, “We were looking into that. We
been studying the distortions we saw when you went to Oregon.”
“You’ve
seen them again?”
Frohike
nodded, “They’re beginning to form in Nevada.
We were going to call you.”
“Where?
I need to get out there.” He
moved toward the computer screen, allowing himself to feel something for the
first time since she had left his place.
“Alone?
Mulder what can you do - “ Frohike started to argue.
“Yes
alone. I need to see what’s going
on. I need to see what I can do.”
Langly
caught Byers’ eye. That wasn’t
a tone they had heard from the man since Dana had come into his life. Something was going on.
Byers shook his head slightly.
*****
The desert
made it harder to hide than the wooded area where she had been returned.
But he’d been here a couple of days; he’d had plenty of time to scope
the place out. He had parked his
rental jeep in a washed out ravine to wait.
He hated waiting. It gave him too much time to think. Like he needed time to remember Diana’s words.
“Do you
honestly think she’ll stay around, with you?
You’re not a long-term kind of guy.”
Just because every other woman had left . . . He
hadn’t dated in high school. Everyone
on the Vineyard knew the story, or some version of the story of Samantha’s
disappearance, so he wasn’t exactly someone a mother wanted out with her
daughter.
It wasn’t
until Phoebe that he’d realized some women could find him physically
attractive. At least that’s what
she’d led him to believe, but he wasn’t man enough to keep her.
She’d taught him a lot, but what he remembered most was that she had
used him, over and over and then . . . then she’d left. Moved on to the next unsuspecting . . . There had been other relationship disasters.
Disaster, what an understatement. He’d
given up on relationships, and decided on videos, 1-900 numbers.
He was better off alone. Diana
had seemed the perfect solution, but she’d been using him too, keeping him
complacent.
Dana was too
intelligent to want someone like him. He’d
read her thesis, he’d laughed at the irony of it given how they’d met, but
now . . . He was the weirdo in the
basement who believed in little green men.
She’d realize that soon enough. Spooky
had a whole new connotation now.
He felt the
change, air pressure? Something was
making the hair on his arms stand up. It
was getting dark rapidly, he reached for the flashlight, but before he could
exit the vehicle, the first flash of light appeared in the near distance.
He scrambled from the jeep.
Before he
could reach the first site, a second light flashed down.
The first returnee was a man. He
was unconscious of course, but Mulder had to know who the next one was.
A woman, not Samantha, younger than Red.
Another one, farther away. He
raced over and spotted another man.
His head
came up when he heard motors racing his way.
Shit! He’d hoped to have
more time. He wasn’t ready. Headlights appeared and he instinctively ducked.
All of the returnees were unconscious, dead weight.
That first guy, he’d been 6’5” at least, over 200 pounds.
And the woman was the fartherest from his car.
A search light came on from the lead car, making his decision for him.
Crouching he moved as quickly as possible for the ravine where his jeep was
hidden. He could make out forms
running toward them now. Definitely
military; and no doubt wearing night vision goggles, so he had to stand out like
a sore thumb. He pushed himself
into a burst of speed and threw himself into the jeep.
He’d been here long enough for it to cool off, so it should be a
surprise. He could hear them
yelling behind him now. Shit!
He switched
on the headlights and heard them howl as the light overloaded their goggles.
He gunned it, backing out of the ravine and spinning the car around in a
maneuver that would have made James Bond proud - as long as he didn’t realized
how close Mulder had come to flipping the damn thing.
He killed the lights again as soon as he hit the paved road.
He was lucky there were no helicopters, but apparently the military was
smart enough not to want to share air space with something like this.
He raced
back to the crummy motel he’d checked into earlier, and let himself into his
room with shaking hands.
He’d blown
it. Blown it completely and nearly
gotten caught in the process. If
they’d gotten him, what would have happened to Red?
Diana said they were watching her, he didn’t dare disbelieve her.
He’d put Red in even more danger tonight just being here.
He was a
fool, coming out here like this. He
was completely unprepared. He’d
brought no clothes for them, made no arrangements for care.
Diana had helped him when he found Red.
She wouldn’t have if she’d known, but she had helped.
Was he capable of doing this alone?
Stupid question, he had to be.
He stretched
out on the bed, his body coming down from the adrenaline.
He had to do better than this. He
forced the tremble from his hand when he noticed it.
For an instant he looked longingly at the phone, but turned away.
He couldn’t talk to her; he wouldn’t know what to say.
*****
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