Chapter 1
Mulder leaned back in the chair. At least everyone was giving him a wide berth. The case was over. His profile had led them to the guy. There would be no trial; suicide by law officers was a growing trend. But it was over, nothing left but the paperwork, and that wasn’t his problem.
He should be happy; they’d gotten a dangerous man off the streets - except he didn’t remember how to be happy anymore. He glanced at the calendar for probably the hundredth time that morning. It wasn’t like he didn’t know the date. He’d known the date before he’d even awakened this morning.
A year. It had been a year since she’d disappeared, since Dwaine Barry had taken her to that mountain top and she had vanished, been taken, been abducted.
You know, it was funny; they’d only worked together a little over a year, just slightly longer than she’d been gone. But it had felt longer. It had felt like she’d always been in his life. He certainly hadn’t expected it or planned it. When he’d seen the diminutive redhead for the first time, he’d been amused. This was the agent they had sent to discredit him? Instead she had . . . created him.
He had opened up to her, little by little until, without his knowledge, she had become essential to him. He’d felt incomplete for a year now - more incomplete even than when he was twelve and . . . He had continued to function, handle cases, profile bad guys. The X-files were off limits to him. He found that he really didn’t care any more. He didn’t care about anything actually.
He’d broken into the office once and taken two files - Samantha’s and Scully’s. They were the only two that mattered to him. They were carefully hidden at his apartment, well, copies were. The originals and a second copy were in safe places as well. He knew the realities of things now - he couldn’t get to the truth, not alone. Since she was gone . . .
Why the hell was he hanging around here? He’d submitted his report; he certainly wasn’t in a celebratory mood. Fuck it. He grabbed his suit coat off the back of his chair and headed for the door. He was aware that several people actually flinched as he went past them.
That grimly amused him. At least it kept everyone at bay. ‘Spooky’ was in a bad mood, worse than usual. These idiots had no idea just how bad a mood he was in. He didn’t bother with dinner; it was too early anyway. He just wanted out.
He let himself into his apartment, dropping the keys on the table. The phone rang as he was toeing off his shoes. He didn’t bother to answer it; the machine would pick up. Besides he really wanted to be alone tonight.
“Fox, it’s Maggie Scully.”
He closed his eyes then, but still couldn’t force himself to pick up the phone.
“I called the office. They said you had left for the day. I’m going to the cemetery in a little while. I wouldn’t mind some company if you . . . If you don’t want to go alone.”
He leaned back against the wall and sank into a squat. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t. He wasn’t strong enough. He’d gone one time, to the memorial service Mrs. Scully had planned. He’d met Scully’s sister, Melissa, and her older brother, Bill. Bill had been gruff, withdrawn, as though he wanted to blame someone. Mulder understood that, but kept his distance. He felt guilty enough without any ‘help’.
Her other brother had been late. Mulder hadn’t been able to force himself to stay. A memorial service presumed that Scully was dead. He couldn’t make himself accept that any more than he could about Samantha. So he trudged through each day. He no longer thought about the future. He lived one day at a time. He ate when he remembered, and spent a lot of time running and working out. He didn’t get involved in his cases. He worked them and got out. It had been that way since Kristen. Mulder still didn’t understand what had possessed him to have sex with her. Maybe he’d just wanted to feel alive instead of just breathing, just having his heart beat. It hadn’t worked.
He grimaced; Kristen had been royally pissed when he’d cried out Scully’s name as he came. That had surprised him a little too. They had never been together. Okay, he had imagined it on occasion. He knew that if he had been with Scully, it would have been better.
Mrs. Scully had hung up, but he hadn’t even realized it. He forced himself back to his feet. He headed into his bedroom to change. He wanted to get out of here. She probably wouldn’t call back, but he didn’t want to be here in any case.
He threw on jeans and a t-shirt, checked to make sure her cross was safely around his neck, and grabbed his jacket on the way out. He pulled out into traffic with no destination in mind.
Mulder drove north, not seeing the scenery. About ten miles north of the city, he made an abrupt U-turn amid the blaring of horns and screeching of tires.
He didn’t admit it, even to himself, where he was headed until he saw the sign - ‘Ascend to the Stars’. He took the turn too fast, but managed to keep control of the car.
He hadn’t been here since . . . He’d never come back to this place. He wasn’t sure why he was here now, but he felt like he should be here. He took the turns too fast. There was no reason to race now - she was gone. She’d been gone a year.
The back of the car fishtailed as he slammed on the brakes. He threw the car into park and vaulted from the vehicle. He walked rapidly toward the spot where he had caught up with Dwaine Barry that night a year ago.
Why the hell was he here? This was somehow better than the cemetery? He turned, but didn’t move from the spot. There was no evidence here, not after all this time. Hell, there hadn’t been any a year -
The blinding light paralyzed him physically. It came from above him and without warning. There had been no sound. There was still no sound, at least not that he could hear, but the hairs had risen on his arm and he seemed to feel a vibration on some level.
He had no idea how long he stood there. Time seemed to have no meaning. Then as abruptly as it had begun, the light was gone. He staggered, but managed to stay on his feet. What the . . . He sensed that someone was near him before he heard the moan. Mulder drew his gun from his waistband, and moved toward the sound.
The moon was nearly full and his night vision was beginning to return. He spotted the body on the ground ahead of him. It was a woman, curled into a fetal position. He moved closer, looking around to see who had dropped her here. He couldn’t see anyone else, so he tucked his gun against his back and bent down to get a better look.
He realized she was nude and shivering. “It’s gonna be okay. Help’s here.”
She turned at the sound of his voice and his eyes widened in shock. If he hadn’t already been on his knees, he would have fallen to them.
“Scully.” He barely made a sound.
She didn’t react to her name, other than a shiver that ran through her body again. That brought him back to some semblance of sanity and he jerked his jacket off, wrapping her in it. "Scully, I’m going to get you to a hospital. Just try to relax.”
She grasped at the jacket, pulling it closer around her. He reached to take her into his arms and she flinched away. "Scully? Scully it’s me, it’s Mulder.”
She glanced at him and away, curling tighter in on herself.
Mulder realized her trauma was deeper than he had seen. “I’m not going to hurt you, Scully. I need to get you warm. Let me help you.”
Mulder lifted her into his arms and she didn’t resist. He murmured reassuring sounds to her as he hurried to the car. He laid her gently in the back seat and started to move away. She whimpered when his arms left her.
“I’ll be right back, Scully. Let me get the heat going.”
Her eyes were large and wet. He rushed to start the car, then returned to her. He couldn’t say she knew who he was, but she seemed to recognize the fact that he wasn’t going to hurt her. “Scully, it’s me. It’s Mulder. Do you know me?”
She didn’t respond, holding his jacket tightly around herself.
“Scully, you need to be examined, treated - “
She moaned loudly at those words and scrambled to get away from him. “Nooooo!”
The sound clutched at his heart. She was terrified. The words ‘examined’ and ‘treated’ had thrown her into a panic.
“Okay, okay. Just relax. I need to get you inside somewhere. You’re back, Scully. It’s going to be okay.”
She shuddered again and he pulled her into his embrace. She tensed for an instant then relaxed slightly in his arms. “That’s right, Scully. I’m not going to let anyone hurt you.” After a moment, “I’ve got to get you off this mountain. You lie down. Let me see if I have a blanket in the trunk.”
He lay her down and, when she reached for him, put her hands back on her own chest. “Just a minute.”
She didn’t take her eyes off of him. He was back quickly, and shook out the blanket he had stored in his trunk. He tucked it around her. She still hadn’t spoken other than that moan when he’d mentioned having her examined.
“Scully, I’ll be right there in the front seat. You’ll be able to see me, okay? Try to rest.”
She tensed up immediately. “I won’t . . . Scully, I’ll get you a room, give you a chance to . . . you don’t have to see anyone else right now. Lay back.”
She did and after a moment he crawled out and got into the front seat. Scully whimpered slightly, so he turned around. “I’m right here, Scully.”
She didn’t nod, but he had the impression that she had relaxed slightly. He started down the mountain. His desire to hurry was tempered by the need not to jostle her any more than necessary. It wasn’t long before her even breathing told him she had fallen asleep. It wasn’t a peaceful sleep, but when she began to fret he would talk to her. His voice seemed to soothe her a little. At the foot of the mountain, he chose a motel a couple of steps above the rooms they usually stayed in. The Bureau wouldn’t be paying for this and he was going to do better for her than some cockroach infested cardboard room.
To be honest, over the past year he had spent more time with the cockroaches on field assignment than with the temporary partners they’d stuck him with. And they’d been better company. He hated to leave her, even to check in, but he had no choice. He requested a room away from the noise and was given something on the ground floor in the back. Mulder moved the car as close to the room as he could, then checked it himself.
There was only a king-size bed. He hadn’t thought to ask, but it didn’t matter; he wouldn’t be sleeping tonight anyway. He turned down the bed and turned up the heat, then propped the door open and hurried back to her.
She was agitated when he returned to her, though not fully conscious. His hand caressing her cheek eased her, and he lifted her into his arms. He looked around, but there was no one visible, so he carried her to the room and placed her gently on the bed.
Now that he had light, he could examine her himself. Her pulse was steady and her respiration was normal again. She didn’t have a fever.
Her face was flawless, not a mark on it, though thinner than when he had last seen her. He’d never seen her hair this long or curly and couldn’t keep his hand from it.
He hesitated then, but he had to check her out. He opened his jacket to look for injuries. He gasped at the bruises and cuts on her torso and arms. He ached for her, for the pain she had endured. No wonder she didn’t want to be ‘examined’ by anyone.
The shapes of the bruises were strange, as though some instrument had been pressed too harshly against her flesh, but he couldn’t think of any purpose for instruments of such shapes. The cuts were numerous, but shallow. They made no sense either, except as torture.
He was aware he was gazing at her nude body and felt shame. She had never shared her body with him when they had worked together. He had never asked, knowing she was more special than that to him. Now he covered her body, but continued his examination of her legs and feet.
She couldn’t have walked; her feet were raw and bloody. These wounds had been especially painful. They had to have been inflicted to keep her prisoner. The wounds on her ankles and wrists should have made that moot; she’d obviously been bound.
He felt rage build up within. Whoever had done this to her -
As though she had sensed his emotions, she moaned again and he forced his thoughts to return to her. He covered her legs with the sheet and caressed her cheek. Again she calmed. Okay, vengeance later. He rose carefully from the bed and moved into the bath, where he moistened a washcloth and returned to her side. He cleaned her wounds, though he had no first aid kit available. His own wounds this past year had been of little interest to him.
“Scully? Can you hear me? I need you to wake up. You need fluids.” Her eyes fluttered at his words and when he spoke again, opened.
He smiled at her and his face felt strange. He realized he hadn’t smiled in a very long time. “I need you to drink some water.” He elevated her head and held the glass to her lips. She seemed confused and unable to remember the art of swallowing, but after a couple of tries she seemed to get the hang of it and appeared to savor the feel of the water in her mouth. He didn’t allow her to drink too much and she didn’t protest anything he did to her. When he placed the glass back on the bedside table, she watched him.
“I’m going to put some clothes on you, Scully. Okay?” Again, no response except to watch him. He pulled one of his t-shirts from his overnight bag and slipped it over her head. It was like dressing a doll, but she didn’t resist.
She hadn’t eaten anything, but after the water, he didn’t want to risk it yet. She would choke on anything solid.
Within moments her eyes were drooping again. He made her comfortable and watched her drift off. He pulled the chair closer to the bed and sat, watching her sleep.
His thoughts were roiling, she was alive, she was back but . . . what had been done to her? Why didn’t she speak? Did she know who he was, or was she reacting to his . . . his care of her? When his thoughts became angry, she stirred, so he shoved those thoughts away again. She was the important thing now. Once she was well and whole again, he could look at that side of things. He hadn’t thought he would sleep, he almost never did anymore, but he caught himself dropping off in the chair. He looked over at the other side of the bed. It was huge, surely she wouldn’t mind, if she was even aware.
He rose from the uncomfortable chair and stretched. She didn’t seem to notice his movement. He stripped off his jeans, they were too dirty to sleep in and his t-shirt, and crawled into the bed, near her but not touching. He was asleep almost instantly.
He woke the next morning to the feel of her warm breath against his chest. She was pressed tightly against him and his arms encircled her.
He had never thought to feel this, even when they were together, their relationship had not . . . then she had been gone. She fit so beautifully against his body. Then he remembered her injuries and immediately loosened his grip of her. That seemed to rouse her and she squirmed closer to him.
Again he felt the unfamiliar smile on his face. “Scully?”
Her eyes opened and she looked startled but not frightened. He watched as she looked around the room.
“Scully? Do you know me? It’s Mulder.”
She looked puzzled for an instant, then “Mu . . . Mu . . .”
“Mulder. We were partners, Scully. We were close. Do you remember me?”
She blinked a few times then, “Mulder.”
“That’s right.” He knew his smile was huge now, his jaw actually hurt from the unfamiliar movement. Her hand touched his face and her own lips moved into a smile.
“I bet you’d like a bath. I’m probably not supposed to know this, but you loved to soak in a warm bath when you got home at night.”
Again she looked confused for an instant, and then her eyes lightened.
“I’ll run the water for you.” He rose from the bed and her hand reached for him. “I’ll just be a minute, then I’ll carry you in.” He used the facilities quickly and started her bath. He didn’t add any of the oils or bubbles that were available, fearing they would sting her many cuts and abrasions.
She was watching the door when he emerged and seemed to sigh at the sight of him. He carefully picked her up and carried her to the bathroom. It occurred to him that he didn’t know to what extent she needed assistance, but this was Scully. Whatever she needed, he would supply.
He tested the water, then turned to her. “I need to undress you, Scully.”
She blinked but didn’t demur. He reached for the hem of his t-shirt and carefully lifted it over his head. The sight of her body astounded him. There wasn’t a bruise or a cut to be seen. Was he losing his mind? Had he dreamed the wounds? No, no her feet had been cut and bloody. He’d seen the stain her feet had left on the sheets before he cleaned them.
“Mu . . . Mulder?”
“It’s okay. Let’s get you in the tub.” He was rattled but she didn’t need to see that.
Maybe she could walk. He helped her to her feet. She stood there leaning against him. Okay, she wasn’t herself, but that didn’t make her any less physically desirable. Did she know what she was doing to him?
He took a deep breath, burying his libido down deep and lifted her into the tub. She seemed surprised, but also enjoyed the sensation. She made no move to pick up the washcloth. “Scully, do you, do you want me to bathe you?”
She blinked, watching him.
“Yeah, okay.” He took another breath and took the washcloth into his hand.
She accepted his touch and he was grateful he was kneeling beside the tub, part of his anatomy hidden from her. He even washed her hair, which seemed to cause a sound like a purr to emanate from her. The sound went straight to his cock. He was going to need some time alone and soon.
When he helped her to her feet, he gazed at her body. God, this was harder than he’d imagined. She seemed completely unaware of what she was doing to him.
Walking still seemed unfamiliar to her, so he wrapped the towel around her and took her back to the bedroom. He found another t-shirt and slipped it over her, covering her from his sight. The knock on the door startled him, but she had no reaction.
He checked and opened the door to allow the waiter to enter with their breakfast. He’d completely forgotten ordering it. After the boy left, he returned to her side. “You’ve got to be hungry. I thought this would be light enough.”
She neither agreed nor disagreed, just watched him. He ended up feeding her, though at the end she did use the fork and fed the last of the eggs to herself. She chewed slowly as though rediscovering the sensation.
“Scully, you need some things, clothes. I’ll have to run out to get them, but I’ll just be a little while. Okay? Will you be all right?”
There was no response and his concern over her mental state went up. He didn’t want to leave her alone, but he had to get her some clothing and make some decisions.
He rose from the bed, moved to the far side of the room and pulled out his cell phone. Watching her, he asked to speak to Assistant Director Skinner.
“Skinner.”
“It’s Agent Mulder. I . . . I was wondering if I could, could arrange for some leave time?”
Skinner hesitated, leave time? Mulder? “Are you working on anything currently?”
“No sir. We wrapped up the case I was on.”
“Oh yes, the case in Baltimore. You did a good job.”
“Thanks.”
“How much time are you talking about?”
“Couple of weeks, maybe a little more.”
“That shouldn’t be a problem. Will you be available if they need more on your report?”
“I’ll check in.”
“Going out of town?”
Mulder knew this was just small talk, not prying and for the first time . . . the first time in a year, he took no offense.
“Yeah, I need to get away.”
“I think that’s a good idea, Mulder. You deserve it. Let me know when you’re back - if you take more than the two weeks, we’ll need to know.”
“Yes sir. Thank you.” Mulder broke the connection.
Skinner leaned back in his chair. That had been a surprise. They usually had to threaten the man to get him off the premises. He was different since Scully had disappeared - more sardonic, less social if that was possible, and just more withdrawn. Maybe this would be good for him. Skinner flipped his calendar to note when Mulder was expected back, then let it fall back to today. He stared at the date, and the light dawned on him.
A year, Agent Scully had been missing a year yesterday. He sighed, then shoved it aside, Mulder had to handle this himself. Skinner hoped he handled it well.
Mulder looked over at Scully. She hadn’t taken her eyes off of him. He took a seat beside her on the bed. “Scully, are you okay with me leaving you alone for a little while?”
Her brow creased, and he wondered if she even understood. He had few choices here, she needed some things.
“Okay then. You’ll stay here. Don’t answer the door, just wait for me.” He hesitated, but the sooner he left, the sooner he could get back to her. He pressed his lips against her forehead, then rose and, after placing the ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on the door, hurried to his car.
He found a K-Mart close by and picked up the basics. He hadn’t bought women’s underwear before, but he had a fairly good idea of her size. She could buy herself more later. He also remembered to pick up a toothbrush, hair brush and some of that apple shampoo he remembered she liked. He was probably forgetting something, but he had two complete outfits and all the toiletries he could think of. He picked up some lunch and hurried back to her.
He grabbed all of the bags and hurried to the room. He swiped the card and managed not to drop anything opening the door. He did lose his grip on everything when he realized she wasn’t in the room. “Scully!”
Blind panic took him and he raced to the bathroom. “Scully!”
He heard the whimper and his head whipped toward the tub. She was there, curled in on herself and trembling violently.
“Scully, Scully I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left you. Scully, Baby, let me hold you.” He lifted her from the tub, holding her close to him. He returned her to the bed, but didn’t leave her. She was clutching him with all her might.
“I’m here, Scully. I won’t leave you again.”
“Mulder? Is it the real you?”
He looked down stunned. She hadn’t spoken more than his name before.
“Yes, Scully. It’s really me; you’re home.”
“Home?” Her voice broke and her fingers touched his face in wonder.
“Scully?”
“I thought it was another one of their scenarios, their games.”
“Their games?” He pulled her closer, ignoring the fact that they hadn’t had this relationship before she was taken.
She nodded, tears spilling out of her eyes.
“It’s okay. You’re safe.” He was rocking her now and could feel the tension leaving her body. They sat there, holding each other for a long time. She was the one that finally moved away, sitting up. He longed to pull her back against him, but held off.
“I’m . . . I’m sorry. It’s the games.”
“Don’t apologize, Scully. Look, you should eat a little, then we can talk.”
She nodded and moved out of his lap. He got the lunch he had gotten them from the pile of bags on the floor and brought it to her.
“It’s real food.” She touched it, smelled it. “Those were real eggs we had at breakfast.”
He nodded, not understanding. She brought the sandwich to her mouth and took a small bite. The look of delight brought a smile to his face. “I guess I made the right decision.”
Her mouth was full, so she only smiled. He got his own sandwich and ate with her, pouring her some tea into a glass. She savored each bite and he savored the sight of her. Her mind seemed intact now and his relief was incredible.
When they had finished, he cleaned up and placed the other bags on the bed. “I got you some clothes. I hope I got the right sizes.”
He glanced up to see her face go scarlet and her eyes widened. “You bathed me. It was you, not . . . oh my god.”
“Scully, its okay.”
“I thought it was them, another . . . “
“Game? Scully, what kind of game? What are you talking about?”
“I . . . “ This was shaking her.
“It’s okay. We can talk later. You want to try out the clothes?”
She looked down at the t-shirt she was wearing. It was obviously his and he had dressed her in it. “Uh, yeah. Thanks.” She rose from the bed and tested her ability to walk, then gathered up the bags and walked carefully to the bathroom.
He watched her leave and sagged back against the headboard. What the hell had gone on with her? After a moment he rose and finished straightening up the room, pulling the covers straight on the bed.
He turned, as the door opened, to see her. He’d done a good job, the clothes seemed to fit, though she needed to roll up the legs on the jeans. She smiled shyly.
“I do okay?”
“Yeah, a little too good.”
He looked puzzled at that.
“How did you know all of my sizes?”
“Oh,” he grinned, “I’m a special agent with the FBI. I notice things.”
“Well, you’re special.” She turned from him as he stared at her, stunned at those words.
She returned in a moment, brushing her hair. She twisted it in her hand and looked up at him. “Mulder, how long have they been playing these games?”
“What, what’s the last thing you remember, Scully?”
“Duane Barry. He broke into my apartment while I was leaving you a message. He put me in the trunk of his car.”
Mulder winced at the memory.
“Mulder?”
“Yeah. I didn’t get the message in time.”
She’d seen that look before, Mulder taking on the guilt of the world. “You found me, Mulder. Did you get Duane Barry? Talk to me, Mulder.”
“We got him.” He stopped again and she moved to him, placing her hand on his arm. “Scully, I didn’t rescue you. I found you, you were returned. I didn’t . . . I couldn’t . . . “
“Mulder, how long?”
He looked at her for a long moment, “A year, yesterday.”
“A . . . a year?” She paled and he reached out for her. “It can’t be a year. Mulder, my family . . . “
He nodded, “I haven’t told anyone I found you.”
She looked at him, “Good. I can’t do this by phone.”
“Do you want me to take you to your mother’s? It’s not that far.”
She hesitated, “Would you think I was crazy if I said no? I need, I need some time to absorb this.”
“I understand. I couldn’t . . . I needed time too.”
She sank down on the bed, her hand playing with her hair. This explained the length. “A year.” He nodded. “I guess I don’t have an apartment anymore.”
“No. Your mother has most of your stuff.”
“Most of it?”
“I . . . I have a couple of things.”
She looked a little surprised at that. “What?”
“Uh, your bed. I didn’t have one.”
“You have my bed?”
“You can have it back. I mean . . . “
She chuckled unexpectedly, which startled him, then he smiled. “Do you mind?”
He saw the color suffuse her face. It took him a second to realize she was blushing. “We, uh, we can talk about that later. You, you needed a bed.”
“Well, uh,” things hadn’t been this awkward before, “do you want to stay here, or . . . “
“I need some time. I need to know what’s happened, sort out . . . things.”
“I’d like to know what you mean about the ‘games’.”
She met his eyes and after a moment nodded. “I’d like to get away from here, do you know of any place . . . “
“I don’t think my apartment would be a good idea. There is a place though. I thought, if you weren’t okay . . .”
That surprised her, “You were thinking of a place?”
“You weren’t yourself Scully. I didn’t know . . . I wanted to keep you safe, but when I used the word ‘examine’, you . . . “
She shivered at that, and changed the subject. “Aren’t you missing work?”
He shook his head, “I called in this morning, took a two week leave.”
“You took a leave?”
“What is this? I take vacations.”
“When?” she demanded.
“It’s been a little while,” he conceded. “That’s not the point. You wanted a place to go to get your act together. I know a place.”
A look of unease came over her face.
“Scully?”
“I’m not sure I’m ready to be alone.”
“Oh, I didn’t mean . . . “
She seemed to relax then, “That’s why you took the time off.”
“Well, yeah. If you don’t . . . last night and this morning you seemed . . . “
“Where were you thinking?”
“My family has a lake house, in Rhode Island. We don’t use it anymore. I don’t know the last time anyone was there, but it would be private.”
She nodded. “Mom, is she, is she okay?”
“She a very strong woman, but she misses you. I don’t see her as often as I should, it’s been hard. When you are ready, she’ll be over the moon.”
“We should get out of here.”
He watched her. He could see some of her mother’s strength and envied it a little. She stood and began gathering her things to put in one bag, packing. Mulder called down to the desk to check out. This way no one would see her.
*****
Chapter 2
She was steadier now than at any time since he’s found her on the ground last night, but she still didn’t want to talk about it. She was quiet and he respected that, though he found himself glancing over at her often.
His attempts at conversation fell flat and he was beginning to feel uncomfortable when he felt her fingers pull his right hand from the wheel. She entwined their grip and squeezed. He returned the pressure, then settled her hand on his thigh, holding it with his own.
The quiet was comfortable after that. She was with him and he felt . . . he felt whole. Stupid word, but it fit. This was the best he’d felt in a lot more than a year.
It was dark when they arrived. They’d stopped once for dinner, but both were anxious to reach their location. Mulder used his flashlight to get the power on, then gave Scully the short tour, removing the dustsheets as he went.
“Mulder, there’s only one bedroom? Where did you sleep?”
“Samantha and I had the loft.” He pointed to the open area above them. It was empty now.
“I don’t think you’ll fit anymore.”
He grinned, “Wasn’t planning to. I’ll sleep on the couch.”
“That couch?” She turned toward it. He shrugged. She looked into the bedroom. The bed was a lot smaller than the one from last night. “You could sleep in here with me.”
“That’s - “
“It’s not an invitation to jump me, Mulder.” A small smile played around her lips.
“Shucks, ma’am. I know how to behave myself.” But he leered at her.
Scully rolled her eyes and moved into the bedroom. “Now that felt familiar.”
“Scully, really, I can sleep out here.”
“There’s no need. I trust you. I am tired though, mind if I get ready for bed?”
“Go ahead. There’s not a lot of wild night life around here.”
She nodded and closed the door. He stepped toward it, touching the wood, and then leaned his head against it. The same thought returned that had played in his mind since he’d found her - she was back, she was safe, she was with him.
He took the sheets outside and shook them. The place needed a good airing out tomorrow. He turned when he heard the door open.
“Mulder?” She spotted him and seemed to relax a little.
“Yeah, just getting a little of the dust outside. You okay?”
“Sure.”
But he heard the tremor in her voice. He still had no idea what she’d been through, she hadn’t wanted to talk yet. Rather than dwell on it, he decided to change the subject.
“You ready for bed?”
She nodded, thankful he’d moved on. “It’s a, uh, it’s a nice nightgown.” She looked down at the silky green gown.
“It was my third choice.”
“Third?”
“I know how to behave, but it’s not always my first inclination with a beautiful woman.”
She blushed, but smiled, “Beautiful?”
He nodded. They looked at each other for a long moment. “So, uh, you through in the bathroom?”
She nodded and moved out of his way.
While he was getting ready for bed, she looked around the place. It wasn’t large. The kitchen was compact and led into the main room. There was a large stone fireplace with built-in bookcases on either side. The books were dated, and some were obviously Samantha’s. There was a sofa, much too small for him to stretch out, and a couple of chairs. The bedroom was on the other side of the fireplace from the kitchen. The loft was over the main room away from the kitchen. The small bathroom, with only a shower, was off the kitchen. A screened in porch ran the length of the house.
She hadn’t heard him come up behind her, and jumped slightly when he touched her arm. “Sorry. Exploring the place?”
“Yeah. How come you’ve never mentioned it?”
“I’ve only come up here once since I returned from England. We probably only came two or three times since Samantha . . . “
She nodded and glanced at him. He was wearing pajamas bottoms, yellow ones, but no shirt. “I didn’t pack for a long trip.”
“It’s okay.” She looked away. “No TV?”
“No.” He sounded miserable and she smiled. “The reception sucks up here, and we never brought a VCR.”
“So we go on to bed?”
“Do you mind?”
“I said I didn’t. Really, it’s okay.”
He followed her into the bedroom, allowing her to choose a side of the bed. “Hope I don’t snore,” he commented.
“You don’t.” She blushed immediately, “I’ve . . . some of the places we’ve stayed had thin walls.”
He nodded.
It was a small bed, but they seemed to have plenty of room, finally falling asleep with their backs to each other.
They woke entwined in the middle of the bed. He woke first to the feelings of her warm breath on his chest once again. Without thought he pressed his lips to the top of her head. The movement brought a sigh from her, and she cuddled in closer though she didn’t wake.
She seemed secure, comfortable in his arms, as though this was familiar to her. His smile faded slightly - he wanted this woman. No, no it was more than that. He loved this woman.
He’d avoided that thought for over a year, but now it was there, unshakeable. They’d learned each other in the time they had worked together, but it was when they had been separated by the powers that be that they had . . . had bonded. At least it was true for him. Watching her sleep peacefully in his arms gave him hope that she felt the same.
He had never loved a woman before, and it scared him, scared him on a deep abandonment issues level. She was comfortable here beside him, but could she love him? He was Spooky Mulder. He felt his mood plummet. She seemed to sense it, stirring in his arms. “Mulder?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m sorry.” She didn’t know what was wrong, but he seemed upset. She moved to leave his arms, but they tightened around her for an instant.
“Mulder, is something wrong?”
“No. I guess I was afraid you’d be upset, you know . . . “ He indicated their positions and she seemed to realize for the first time where they were.
He felt her sudden discomfort and allowed her to move away from him.
He took a breath and rose from the bed, keeping his back to her. “I’ll, uh . . . “
“Sure.” She watched him leave the room, confused and hurt.
He seemed more himself when he found her in the living room. “We need some supplies if we’re going to stay here. Why don’t I run get some breakfast and things while you shower? Maybe there’ll be hot water when I get back.”
“Okay. I’ll try to leave you some water.” She smiled and watched him disappear into the bedroom. The smile faded when he was out of sight. What had happened? Had she said something in her sleep?
He emerged quickly. “I shouldn’t be long.” He didn’t approach her, just letting himself out. She stood undecided for a moment, then headed for the bathroom.
*****
He had their breakfast in one hand and a grocery bag in the other when he let himself in. He spotted her on the couch, curled in on herself, knees drawn up to her chin. He slipped their breakfast on the table and let the supplies fall to the floor.
“Scully? What? Did something happen?” He was beside her now on the couch and after a moment’s hesitation, pulled her against him. “Scully?”
“I’m . . . I’m okay.”
“No, you’re not. Talk to me.”
“It’s just,” she shrugged, “It’s better when you’re here.”
That statement caused his eyes to widen. “Me?”
“I’m sorry.” She pulled away from him and he wasn’t sure what he should do.
“I, uh, I brought you a sausage biscuit and coffee.”
“Thanks.” She reached for her coffee and forced her hands to steady. He watched her, not sure how to help her.
They ate their breakfast, then he rose. “I guess the hot water’s back. Mind if I take a quick shower?”
“Course not. I’ll put away the groceries.”
He nodded and left her. He knew he was handling this wrong. How did he explain that everything had changed over a year. She hadn’t even realized she’d been gone that long. How could she understand he’d thought about her differently since she’d been gone? No, he needed to put this aside. She needed stability, security so that she could feel safe, so that she could come back completely.
He came out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist. He hadn’t thought to take clothes with him. She looked up to speak, but the sight of him stopped her.
“Uh, sorry.”
“It’s okay. Go on.” She watched him leave her. She was still feeling her way. A year, she believed him, she could see that he was older, sadder. Had he missed her? That was stupid, they’d become friends. She relied on him - oh god, he wasn’t taking the blame for her disappearance, was he? Scully hurried to the door and opened it without knocking. He turned from her quickly and pulled up his zipper.
“Scully!”
“I . . . I’m sorry. I just . . . I’m sorry.” She retreated from the room.
He threw on the cleaner of his t-shirts and hurried after her. “Scully, its okay.”
She shook her head, “I don’t . . . “ She sank onto the couch.
“We need to talk, Scully.”
That brought a look of fright to her eyes.
“Look, I bought the ingredients to make chili; it’s kind of a tradition up here. Want to help me get it started? Maybe then we could go for a walk.”
“Okay.”
She washed out the pot and the utensils while he got the ingredients together. Once things were simmering, he washed his hands and turned to her. “Go see the lake?”
“Sure.”
He followed her outside, then led her to the lake. Things had grown up since he had been here, but the path was still easy to follow. He tested the dock, then let her join him and took a seat.
She sat beside him. “It’s beautiful here.”
“Yeah. I guess I’d forgotten.” He looked over at her. “Scully, we need to talk about this, about what happened to you. We’ve put it off long enough.”
“I know.”
“You want to start?”
She shook her head, “Tell me what happened. Tell me about Duane Barry.”
He watched her for a long moment, then nodded. He talked for a long time. He caressed the tears from her cheeks on a couple of occasions. She asked no questions, letting him tell it his way. That was different, but he didn’t comment on it.
When he finally ran down, she looked up at him. “Mom must have been . . . “
“She was devastated, but strong. She even tried to help me through it when I let her.” She looked puzzled. “I . . . I kinda kept to myself. I wasn’t very good company.”
“That’s what families are for, Mulder.”
“Maybe yours. I didn’t want to intrude.”
Scully didn’t call him on it. She knew he would have retreated into himself. “You know none of this is your fault.”
He jerked back from her, but she put her hand out, laying it gently on his arm. “It’s true, Mulder. Duane Barry took me, some . . . someone else took me from him. You tried to find me. Now I’m back, you did find me.”
“I - “
“Mulder, if you hadn’t come to the mountain that night, I probably would have died, of exposure. I don’t know what brought you there, but you saved my life.”
He opened his mouth to protest, but her fingers pressed against his lips. “You saved my life.”
“You want to tell me what happened from your side?”
The shake of her head was almost imperceptible.
“Scully.”
She rose to her feet and brushed off her bottom. His eyes locked on her ass for a moment before he could stop himself. Then he scrambled to his feet as she left the dock. He caught up with her and let his hand brush hers. She grasped his hand though she refused to look at him.
What had happened to her? What did she remember? He let her into the house; they could smell the chili and once inside could hear it bubbling.
“I better check on that.” She nodded and moved past him into the bathroom. He wanted to call her back and hold her, but he wasn’t good at that kind of thing. Maybe this was a bad idea. He should have taken her to her mother.
When she emerged she seemed more composed. “The chili’s almost ready.” She murmured something and moved past him into the living room. He followed as she made her way to the couch. He saw she was trembling slightly. “Are you cold, Scully?”
She shrugged, watching her hands.
“How about a fire?”
“Do you mind?”
“Of course not. Just relax.” He laid the fire quickly and lit it, taking a seat at her feet. “You should warm up now. Do you want me to dish up the chili?”
“I should help.”
“Not this time. I’m saving you for clean up.” He smiled at her.
She managed to return it, but it dropped away. He rose and headed to the kitchen.
He was back quickly with her bowl of chili and a basket of crackers, then got his own bowl and two beers. He wasn’t sure about the alcohol, but she needed to relax and the most available to her were three bottles.
After a few moments, she looked over at him. “This is good.”
“My one culinary achievement.” She managed to chuckle. “What? You don’t believe me?”
“I always thought the speed dial on your phone was your culinary achievement.”
“That’s cold, Agent Scully.”
She actually laughed then, which brought a smile to his face. He decided not to push things for now.
She didn’t want seconds, so he only got her another beer when he refilled his own bowl.
“Trying to get me drunk?”
“Don’t need to, you’re already sleeping with me.” He grinned at her.
“Yeah, right.” She gazed into the fire.
“Scully, you know I was kidding.”
“What? Oh, I didn’t . . . you want to know what happened.”
“Do you remember anything?”
Scully took a deep breath, “I remember everything. That’s the problem.”
“Maybe it’ll help to talk about it.”
Instead of answering, she took a long drink from her beer bottle. She didn’t take her eyes from the fire. “Duane Barry was more frightened than he was evil. He was scared to death. He had me bound when we got to Skyland Mountain, and he didn’t untie me, just pulled me along. It was like he had an appointment and he didn’t dare be late. I couldn’t see anything different about where we were heading, but he shoved me down and ran away from me as fast as he could. Before I could get to my feet, there was a light - the brightest light I’ve ever seen.
“The next thing I knew I was on a . . . I guess you could call it a table, but it was more like an examining table in a doctor’s office. It wasn’t padded, more molded to me. All I could move was my head. I couldn’t see any restraints, but I couldn’t move at all, as though I was paralyzed. I was nude.”
She felt Mulder’s look, but didn’t meet it.
“They ran tests on me, painful tests. I remember them all. Mulder, I never saw them, I don’t know who, or what, was doing it.
“Then Alan came.”
“Alan?”
“He was the man I was seeing in undergraduate school. That’s when the scenarios, the mind games started. I didn’t realize it, I was probably drugged. Alan only came the one time, I guess they didn’t like him either. Then Daniel.”
Mulder flinched, he’d never heard these names, but they obviously were men that had meant something to her. They’d been inside of her mind, and these were the men that populated her thoughts. He swallowed; he needed to hear this. Anyway, this wasn’t about him.
“I’m not sure how many times they used Daniel’s image. I didn’t know they were images at the time.”
Mulder didn’t interrupt.
“After a while, Jack was there.” Mulder winced, but she didn’t notice. “There were a couple of scenes with him, then Daniel was back.”
This Daniel must have been very important to her. He opened his mouth, but she continued. “Then Daniel was gone again and there were no scenes.” She looked over at him, “You remember, I didn’t know they were games. When these men were with me, I just thought they were with me.”
He nodded, was she . . . apologizing?
“There were more tests then.” Her gaze went inward. He wanted to touch her, comfort her, but wasn’t sure if that would make things better or worse.
“Then . . . then you were there.”
“Me?” He couldn’t help blurting that out.
She didn’t seem to hear him. “After that all the scenarios, all the mind games were with you.” She fell silent. He waited for a few minutes, then moved closer to her on the couch, still not quite touching her.
“Scully, those other men, they were your lovers?”
She nodded.
“But you and I . . . “
She shrugged, “The difference seemed to be that I loved you.”
His mouth fell open at those words. She loved him? When had she decided that? Of course, he hadn’t admitted to himself that he loved her until she was gone.
“I’m sorry, I - “
“No! Don’t be sorry, please don’t be sorry.”
“I didn’t understand what was going on. I believed I was with you. I thought we were, were growing closer.”
“Did we become lovers?”
She nodded, looking down at her feet.
“Scully, was that a bad thing?”
She looked up startled, “I was using you.”
“I’m not complaining ,Scully.”
She gave him a weak smile.
“What were the games?”
“We were . . . together. Sometimes we were at work, sometimes in one of our apartments, other places.” She fell silent again.
“How did you realize it wasn’t real?”
“One of the games . . . it was too real.”
“What happened?” She hesitated still, and he took her hand.
That brought a thoughtful look to her face. “I was . . . I was in labor. I was giving birth to our baby, and the, the pain was too . . . it threw me back to that table. You weren’t there, I could only sense them.” She fell silent again.
“Did, did the pain go away?”
She shook her head. “They did something to send me back into the scenario. You were back.”
“You had the baby?” She nodded. “Did you see it?”
She blinked at that. “Uh, no. I felt the birth, but then the scenario changed. The next game . . . there was no baby in any game after that. Then I remembered it, and that I’d really been on that table, not with you. Throughout the whole pregnancy when we . . . it wasn’t real. I started testing it then, when I could remember. I couldn’t touch you after that, unless I concentrated. I realized I didn’t have to speak out loud and you’d still hear me. I guess I . . . I quit participating. The scenarios became less and less real.”
“When you caught on, they couldn’t use you any more. How long have you not been playing?”
“I thought it was . . . Mulder, I can’t grasp that I’ve been gone a year.”
“It was a year, Scully. A long year.”
She didn’t respond to that. He tilted her face up to him. “Scully?”
“I didn’t know it was really you, in the car, in the hotel room. That’s why I didn’t speak, didn’t try to walk. But I felt your arms around me, I tasted the eggs you fed me. I felt the water in the tub when you bathed me. When you left, to get my clothes, it didn’t stop. That’s . . . that’s when I realized it might be real. But you were gone, and . . . and I panicked. I didn’t know if - “
“I’m right here Scully. This is real and I’m not going anywhere.” He caught the tear that escaped her eye. “Scully, that’s enough for now. You’ve been through . . . why don’t you lie down for a little while.”
She looked deeply into his eyes and then rose. He had his arm around her immediately and walked her to the bedroom. He lay her on the bed and pulled up the afghan lying at the foot of the bed. “I’m supposed to be on kitchen duty.”
“I’ll let you off this once. Scully, you’ve been through something, I want you to rest.”
“Are you going anywhere?”
‘No. I’ll do your chores, then I might even come join you.”
She gave him a quick smile, then rolled onto her side. He left the room, closing the door quietly behind him.
He took the dishes into the kitchen and washed them, then straightened up the rest of the kitchen, but his mind was racing. They had taken her, used her, bred her. He fell back against the counter. She had been pregnant, she had given birth - and they had used him to keep her . . . what? Complacent?
Why? Why had they done this to her? He shook his head trying to clear it. He realized he had moved back toward the bedroom. He opened the door quietly. She was asleep, but seemed to be dreaming. The need to touch her overcame him.
He slipped off his shoes and lay down beside her, spooning around her. She seemed to sigh and relax back against him. He let his hand rest against her abdomen.
She woke a little later to the comfort of him around her. “How do you feel?”
“Better.”
“Good.” He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.
“Mulder? What?”
“These other men, Alan, Daniel, they were your lovers. Jack.” She nodded. “But it was me . . . “
She pulled his face down to her and kissed him. She drew back quickly. “I’m sorry. My, my memories are mixed up with - “ His lips cut her off that time.
“Mulder, you don’t - “
“I think I started falling in love with you when you came to my room that night in Oregon. You were scared, but not of me. It was a new feeling. I mean, I’d had partners before, but none that trusted me, none that would have sought me out. I still remember the . . . the terror when I listened to Tom Colton tell you he would help you get away from me.”
“I didn’t go. I didn’t want to go.”
Mulder managed to smile. “I’m still processing that.”
Her hand came up to lightly touch his cheek, as though still making sure he was real, solid. He brought his lips down to hers again and this kiss continued, both participating fully and enthusiastically. Clothing was rearranged and discarded.
It wasn’t until her hand began fumbling with his zipper that he pulled back. “Scully, Scully wait. I . . .” He had to clear his throat, “We can’t. I don’t have any protection here.”
“You don’t carry . . . “
“Scully, the women in the videos don’t usually need it.”
She gave him a weak smile, “But Mulder . . . “
“I, uh . . . “ He moved away from her in the bed and tried to bring his breathing under control. “Listen, we could use some more supplies. I know you’d like some more clothes and we need to do laundry. We could pick up some, some protection then.” He tried to make it a question, could he just assume that this woman really wanted to make love with him? Well, she was certainly acting like . . .
“We could go now.” She was already rising from the bed. He looked at her startled. “We could find a laundry and put the clothes on to wash, then get our supplies and come back here.”
“Uh, yeah.” She had taken charge and he had no grounds for complaint. She tossed him his t-shirt. “Come on.”
He didn’t argue, slipping the shirt on, then helping her gather the laundry, more than a little bemused.
He didn’t say much watching this activity on her part, his mind still reeling from the activity he’d had to stop.
*****
He’d never ‘shopped’ with Scully before. She was as efficient there as with everything else she did, picking out a couple of shirts for him as well as her own clothing. And they looked better than what he would have chosen.
When they ended up in the pharmaceutical area, his lips twitched watching her study the display. He didn’t care what she picked out - hell they could be glow-in-the-dark pink if that’s what she chose. She had seemed to make her selection and leaned down to look.
“Scully, are you getting a dozen?” He was watching her, move boxes.
“The box of thirty-six I think.”
He gaped at her for a moment, then asked quietly. “Scully, what if I’m not that good?”
“Then I’ll have to train you. We’ll need extras, you know, like additional ammo at the firing range.”
His mind tilted at that analogy and she watched with a . . . a different kind of smile on her face. “Mulder, I’m not worried.”
Rather than wait on the clothes to dry, they took them back to the house to dry in front of the fire. They made short work of the laundry and then she was tugging him toward the bedroom.
*****
He collapsed, pulling her on top of him, holding her close as she came back to him.
“Scully?”
“Ummm?”
“You okay?”
She nodded against his chest. “You don’t need any tutoring.”
He let his finger trace her cheekbone. “That’s good to hear.”
She was limp against him, completely relaxed, sated. He had satisfied Dana Scully. He thought he’d loved her before, now . . .
“You know, we could just stay here, forever,” he murmured into her hair.
“I could go for that right about now.” He smiled broadly, then her eyes opened wide, remembering.
“I don’t have an apartment.”
“I do, but maybe we should get one.”
She grinned, “You think we should live together?”
“Well, we could try it out for a little while, see if you can put up with me.”
“What’s a ‘little while’?”
“I don’t know, 60-70 years. Just long enough for you to realize what a prize I am.”
She laughed then, “and if I already know?”
“Even better. We should get a two bedroom.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah, my couch won’t go with your stuff, so we could stick it in an office.”
“Along with your video collection?”
“Frohike’s video collections.”
“Good answer, Mulder.” She brushed her fingers through his chest hair, outlining his nipples, wanting him again. His hiss brought a smile to her face.
But even now, with her
here, safe in his arms, he knew she was going to need a lot more healing. The
‘games’ weren’t gone from her mind, but she was denying the implications. He
needed to be there, when that no longer worked.
Chapter 3
He woke slowly and reached for her. She wasn’t in the bed. Where . . . he always woke up before she did. It was one of the highlights of his day, watching her sleep unawares. It was barely light outside. Where was she?
He rose from the bed and looked around for his boxers. He found them on the floor on her side of the bed and smiled slightly at the memory that invoked. He slipped them on and went to find her.
She was on the couch and he saw immediately that she was crying. “Scully?” He hurried toward her and she brushed away a tear. “Are you . . . did I hurt you?”
She smiled through her tears then, so typical of him to take blame.
“You never hurt me, Mulder.”
He knew about a thousand ways to dispute that, but what was making her cry?
“Talk to me, Scully.”
“This has to end; I have to face my family. I have to start my life again. I’m . . . I’m afraid.”
“You won’t be alone.”
She looked at him then, “A year, Mulder. I can’t ever get that back.”
“I know,” he let a knuckle caress her cheek. “But think how happy everyone will be to see you, your mother, your family.”
“They’re not going to believe . . . we have to have some sort of explanation. I’m not telling my mother I was abducted by aliens and experimented on for a year.”
His mouth moved, but no sound emerged. They hadn’t talked about it, but she was right. No one would believe, and if they did, they’d want to test her, experiment on her themselves. Why hadn’t he thought . . . because he was too happy to have her back. And no way would he share her with any scientists that might . . . He was happy, and it was such a new, strange feeling, he hadn’t thought of anything practical.
“I’ll go with whatever you want to tell her, Scully.”
“It’ll become the official story.”
“Maybe that’s for the best. You don’t need a lot of doctors or scientists poking at you for months.”
“But your proof, Mulder.”
“You’re home, you’re safe. I know the truth, I think you do. That’s enough for now. Can you understand that?”
She managed a smile, then nodded. He pulled her against him and just held her. After awhile she sat up. “I need to call Mom.”
Mulder nodded, “Maybe you better let me call her, Scully. I can prepare her a little, then put you on the phone. The shock of just hearing your voice . . . “
“Good idea. I think . . . I think we should do it now, before I lose my nerve again.”
“Dana Scully, lose her nerve? I can’t visualize that.” He kissed her forehead, and went to get his cell phone.
*****
He pulled his car up in front of Maggie’s house. He killed the engine and looked over at her. Her hands were fisted in her lap. He placed one of his large warm hands over her icy ones. “Scully?”
“I’m okay.”
He didn’t argue, it wouldn’t do any good. Instead he squeezed her hands, then let himself out and rounded the car to open her door. He took her hand and helped her from the car. They walked silently to the door, which flew open and Maggie threw her arms around her daughter. Mulder moved slightly behind Scully to make sure she wasn’t knocked off the porch.
“Come in! Oh Dana, come in, Fox, please.” Finally she realized they were still basically outside. The rest of the family waited just inside.
Dana seemed to be passed around from arm to arm, tears flowing freely. Mulder was also hugged, first by Maggie, then Melissa. The younger brother, Charlie, pumped his hand vigorously and clapped him on the back. The older brother, Bill, was more reserved, nodding from across the room. Okay . . .
Mulder found a glass of wine in his hand, as her mother gave a toast. Then they were hustled into a feast. She seemed to be doing okay, though she spent a lot of time locating him with her eyes. Bill had obviously noted that as well, because his eyes were becoming narrower and narrower as time progressed.
Charlie and Melissa included him in the conversation, but he let Scully answer
most of the questions, glossing over items as ‘Bureau business in the on-going
investigation’. The meal was good, but he could see the toll it was taking on
her.
Apparently her mother finally noticed the strain herself. “Dana, honey, you’re worn out. I shouldn't have planned so much, but I’m just so happy.” She stopped to regain her own composure. “You should head on upstairs. I have your old room waiting. I got some of your things out of storage, but you need to let me know what you need and I’ll get it for you.”